I think I’ve got myself a mild to moderate case of depression, and its very frustrating. I’m not sure what brought it on, but it’s nearing the two-week mark in duration. Maybe it’s related to poor quality of sleep - I’ve been feeling pretty tired, despite starting a more consistent bedtime regimen a few months back. Or maybe it’s seasonal - the weather has been gloomy as hell.
It comes and it goes - if I’m distracted and prevented from focusing on thoughts of my inevitable human decline, decay, and death, then I feel basically normal; but the thoughts eventually re-surface.
I’m not having any trouble doing things that I need to do, but it has been interfering with my motivation to do things I would ordinarily want to do.
I’ve had some blue spells in the past, but this one feels definitely different. Not just in duration, but it what seems to be an entirely rational foundation - it’s only natural to be unhappy about aging and death, right?
Topics involving psychological experiences, anecdotes, diagnoses, and advice go in IMHO, so I’ll move this there for you (from MPSIMS).
[non-mod]This can be a tough time of year for even the mentally fit: shorter days, lots of interpersonal stress around holiday celebrations, etc.[/non-mod]
It seems to me that “depression” is viewed and treated as a universal negative that must be eliminated using any means available. That’s reasonable, on one level; being at a low point and hampered from accomplishing a normal range of activities is never a good thing.
However, there’s not often a distinction drawn between depression caused by curable things (illness, lack of sleep, metabolic imbalances, general stress) and depression brought on by real life problems, ones that don’t lend themselves to a quick fix. I don’t think intensive therapy, drugs, and so forth are necessarily called for in the latter cases.
I’ve had my blue periods, and in many cases those bad weeks were from something a lot like fatigue, overload, bad events, etc. and went away in their own good time. In recent years I’ve had a number of frustrating setbacks, all of which are real and many of which are permanent and/or not fixable by reasonable efforts. So if I get depressed over one of these issues, do I need “curing”? Is curing possible, or is the treatment just a coat of paint over a genuinely bad and depressing thing?
I don’t have any answers but I can pass along something that has helped me and those I’ve been able to make understand it: Being depressed is okay, whether it’s from temporary causes or more permanent ones. The key is not to devolve into a spiral where you are depressed over being depressed. Fatigue-ish depression will pass, if you let it. And I believe that depression is a part of the natural accommodation to unfixable things like aging, loss, unpleasant life decisions, etc. and ‘this too shall pass’… but only if you keep the ‘healing’ from becoming the disease.
Depression does not always pass. It does for non-depressed people
The part of Death - you were kind of vague - but are you thinking of suicide? Note - I am not asking if you want to commit suicide or if you are planning on it. I am asking:
Does your brain entertain thoughts about what things would be like if you were no longer around?
Do you feel hopeless about life?
Trouble concentrating?
These are related to “suicide ideation” and while it is normal to think of suicide when it is mentioned by other people - it is not normal for this to occur anything other than rarely.
Sleep and depression are intertwined. They both effect each other.
Just cause you have a good reason to be depressed, doesn’t mean it can’t be treated. You can try talking to a doctor. I would suggest you do - they won’t judge or look down on you. It is possible that there is a (treatable) medical reason for feeling the way you do. A thyroid problem for example could exacerbate some of the things you are talking about.
You should at least rule out non psychological medical causes and then consider following what your doc suggests. Some non medical interventions are - SAD lamps, walking, gratitude journals, and waking up/going to bed on a schedule.
I agree with the basic sentiment here. I’ve dealt with severe depression for as long as I can remember, so I know as well as anyone that sometimes mental illness is just intractable. But often depression can be a normal response to human experience.
You’re talking about a less-than-2-week period of depressive symptoms. IMO this is the perfect time to hit hard and fast with behavioral interventions - whether that means exercise or going to see a doctor. IANAD but I don’t think I would prescribe antidepressants for someone after just two weeks of depression. Changes in sleep habits, meditation, exercise, socializing, changes in diet, all of these things could affect how you feel and formal intervention may not be necessary. Whatever you do, though, do it now. If you let it linger, your brain will become better at being depressed and it will be that much harder to dig yourself out.
Then refocus your mind on your consciousness-seek the Witness in there which sees and experiences all that you see and experience, yet is utterly unmoved by it all, and is utterly unchanging. Then, paradoxically, you can drink in life in full 'til you are filled to the brim.
Candid, the Ham-D scale is a short, standard assessment tool. Try it yourself - it’s not really supposed to be used for self-assessment but it might be helpful in understanding how you are feeling.
Things that help me, even if it’s a short-term fix:
Exercise - just taking a short walk, even on cold, crappy days, lifts mood.
Write down all the good, positive things in your life. Even very trivial things.
Don’t isolate yourself from people in real life! Speaking from experience; I find that I avoid people when I’m particularly depressed. Then I feel even more depressed because I’m lonely. Bad cycle to get into.
Eat healthy, don’t drink or get high.
I don’t know your age or gender - when I was going through menopause my moods were extremely volatile and I had a lot of lengthy periods of bad depression. And I started meno early, in my late 30s.
If it persists much longer than two weeks, I’d check in with your doctor.
Since you can’t point to a specific cause or triggering event, I’d figure this for some seasonal depression and approach it as such. I agree with the behavioral interventions. Exercise is good. Try a vitamin D supplement; it’s especially difficult to manufacture it ourselves in the winter. (I read somewhere that it’s actually physiologically impossible to manufacture enough in the winter anywhere north of the 45th parallel.) If you can afford it, a light therapy box. I dose myself with mine twice a day, 30 minutes in the morning at full intensity, 15 or so minutes at dusk at half intensity.
And take comfort in the fact that winter solstice is less than a week away, and the sunlight will be returning after that. Last few years my SAD has been so bad that I just hang on by my fingernails til it’s over. If this doesn’t improve after solstice (and depending on how severe it is, that might mean February), you probably want to reassess and see what else it might be.
Interesting thoughts. I am actually on a regular exercise regimen. It’s not crazy, but it’s something active, at least. Of course, I suppose its actually one of the things that’s frustrating me to some degree - my weight was stable, and I started eating less, exercising more, drinking more water and getting more sleep - and my weight’s still stable. (For the record - I could stand to lose twenty pounds, and I’d be close to ideal weight.)
So I suppose that makes me feel like I have less control over my life.
To address DataX’s question - I’m not suicidal. I’ve pondered the question - but I’ve pondered the question at various points in my life, mostly having nothing to do with depression. I’m a generally cerebral sort - I ponder everything.
No, my thoughts about death relate back to that control thing - I would prefer to never die. There’s always going to be more things to do and see. But it’s an inevitability. And barring some sort of afterlife, it’s the ultimate loss of control - oblivion. Not even memories.
That is, on many levels, horrifying.
So while that inevitability is sucking the joy out of everyday life, it’s not exactly inspiring me to seek a hurried end to that life. I’m 34 - I figure I have 40 years, and while many of those will suck due to old age, it’s possible that science will crack that whole aging thing in the next 40 years. Or at least figure out some extensions that will make it 60, or 70 - and maybe they’ll crack the aging process by then.
Death, and aging, is terrifying, and sometimes I get really caught up in worrying about the true nature of existence. You know, why are we here? How did we get here? What’s the point of all this, really? It drives me nuts that there is no way to know. I’ve lost many nights of sleep over it. The fear of the unknown is so great.
I have found that ever since I resumed meditation, I feel a sense of peace and these greater existential questions seem almost irrelevant. Imagine for a moment that the past and the future are both mental constructions; the only real thing is the direct experience of your life right now. And there are times where I can feel that this moment is perfect and is all I need.
I suppose by focusing on the present moment, we are honoring what we do know and not worrying so much about the rest.
I’ve got seasonal mini-depression and a blue-light lamp does wonders for it. Nowadays there are blue-light bulbs for normal lamps, you don’t even need a specific lamp any more. Ask for a “daylight bulb” and remember that you should switch that one off some time before going to bed, otherwise you’ll have trouble falling asleep. It’s a relatively cheap experiment and hey, if nothing else, it gives the room a less yellowed look.
Theraputic blue light is at a very specific frequency range, though, so if you go that route make sure you do the research on what frequencies it’s emitting. A full-spectrum lightbulb might be easier to find – although in my experience not so much, as a lot of bulbs are labeled “daylight” but with no indication whether it’s really full-spectrum or not.
Also, if you have pets, make a point of playing with them. It helps. If you don’t, maybe see about “borrowing” someone else’s. Getting out of the house (to go visit your friend and his pet) helps too.
No pets. I’m actually highly allergic to cats and mildly allergic to dogs. And of my close circle of friends, there are only cat-owners.
And I should probably say that journaling or making lists of positive things is right out as well - one of the single biggest stressors in my life is my perception that I don’t have enough time to do the things I want to do. Sucking another twenty minutes out of the day would just exacerbate that anxiety. It was hard enough adjusting my bedtime forward and finding time to exercise.
The light thing is a thought. I think I actually have some full-spectrum bulbs for a photography project I’ve had in the planning stages for over a year…
If you can, maybe a sleep study would be beneficial. I have mild sleep apnea, and just knowing things like staying on my side rather than sleeping on my back* have helped a lot. I’m definitely getting better sleep most of the time.
Side affects can include symptoms like remembering your dreams and discovering that your subconscious is a Mean Girl.
Recently I read a quote—and I can’t remember who said it :smack:—“Sadness is like a head cold. Depression is like cancer.”
Depression, if you look at it like diabetes, can be maintained and controlled. Medical help is usefull.
I’ve gone through two periods of morbid focus on death. The first was almost enjoyable (I was young.) I envisioned myself lying in a coffin with my family all around me lamenting “We should have been better to her! If we’d only known!” Makes me think of Mark Twain.
The second was a real fear of death that I felt in my late 30’s or early 40’s (I think.) I was afraid of the physical feeling (pain) and combative against the loss. I spent time worrying this like a dog with a bone.
I didn’t die. Life goes on.
I’m in my sixties now and frankly dear, I don’t give a damn. I indulge myself as much as possible and expect better from myself, every day. I’ve been through pain; pain doesn’t kill. I look at death as The Next Great Experiment. What will I find? Where will I go?
The less you care, the easier it is to get there. Don’t worry. We’re all in the same boat—some paddling, some looking toward the dock.
Not to beat a dead horse since you said you weren’t interested, but I have done the gratitude journal thing - and it is MUCH easier than exercising or virtually anything else. Studies have shown it to be effective even when done one a week. It takes two minutes - if that. I simply write down three things I am grateful for. They can be stupid.
“I’m grateful I made a post on the straight dope about depression”
“I’m grateful I talked on the phone with Bob today.”
“I’m grateful my aunt is feeling better.”
You don’t have to do it a specific way or really follow any specific rules - EXCEPT - not being negative. It isn’t supposed to be a chore - and be all means don’t do it if you find it that way. I just think some might think it has to be more complicated to be effective.
I have used both the full spectrum and the blue light versions of the SAD lamps. I think they help, but can’t be sure. I haven’t found one to be “better” than the other, but the blue ones are typically much smaller and more portable. I will sometimes take them with me when traveling o help “reset” my body clock.
There is a whole field now of positive psychology and research into happiness (before research seemed to be strictly into what made people sad - not what made people happy).
The one thing that seemed to be most effective was to write a letter to someone who truly made a difference in your life and deliver it in person. I think the benefit to this was still felt 3-6 months later. Despite the fact I know it has been proven effective - I still haven’t tried it
I agree about trying to be around other people. I sometimes go for days without human interaction and even going out to eat or shop can make a difference (small, but I think noticeable).
FWIW - here are the SAD lights I have:
If I had to pick ONE - id probably go with the 1st one if size wasn’t an issue. I find the light to be less annoying (for lack of a better word) than the blue light (this has nothing to do with it being “full spectrum”).
The second one is more practical. I use both at the same time
That tracks with my experiences as far as timing - I’m not worried so much about pain as I am disability, but it’s nice to hear from someone on the other side of one of those episodes.
I honestly started feeling better last night - during my usual exercise routine. I still don’t feel quite back to normal, but I’ve started randomly singing and talking to myself again - which is a better sign than it might sound like.
Honestly, one of the most worrisome things about the depressive episode is that there’s a sense that you could feel that way forever.
You won’t. This is our one guarantee in life: All mental states are temporary. Even the most severely depressed among us have our moments of pleasure, even joy. Remember, the feeling will go away eventually. It is not all there is to life. The thoughts you are having are just thoughts, nothing more or less.
