No.
Goats only.
Tradition.
There will be two rooms for watching Game of Thrones. If you talk about anything from the books in the wrong room they will chop off your head. For realsies. And you will deserve it.
The longest-running exhibit will of course be “The Pigeon Breeding Experience.”
Brave the exciting Homeopath Ultimate Ironman Challenge!. Risk certain death, or gain superior health and longevity (we’re not sure which) when swimming in the amazing HUIC pool. Straight Dope engineers have produced the largest single swimming pool of deadly, or resuscitative (we’re not sure which) chemicals, biological nasties, radioactive poisons, and vitamins in immeasurable concentration and efficacy! Cholera, radium, feces, smallpox, plutonium, mercury, it’s all there undetectably saturating the very water molecules they’ve been filtered from. Every! Single! Molecule! Don’t be fooled by the pool filter that looks like an old Harley Davidson bandana tied over the garden hose, rest assured the most cutting edge homeopathic science is at work out of view to produce this deadly (healthy!) terrifying (envigorating!) curative miracle (certain death!).
Lifeguards are on duty to assist those trapped swimming aimlessly in circular reasoning out of the pool. A sugar pill stamped with an impressive obscure number/letter/hash (we take science with the utmost seriousness, and so should you) will speed you on to your recovery and enjoyment of more Straight Dope Theme Park rides.
Don’t knock it 'til you’ve tried it.
Sorry, not part of the fanbase that flocks to you.
A slow ride through an unlit, large open room. Somewhere there is a blimp, lurking silently, waiting. In the dark.
I wonder how many people will remember these…
Guests will drive up a parkway until they arrive at the parking area that is a driveway.
In the park, middle school, junior high, and high school students will come up to guests and ask them to do their homework for them.
People with long unwashed hair wearing ripped jeans and loose tee-shirts with heavy metal band logos on them will approach guests and ask if they know where they can get some marijuana.
To enter some rides, you’ll have to correctly answer 3 questions. Unless you properly taunt him.
There will be soap boxes placed around the park where people can stand and shout about religion, diets, or politics at people who aren’t interested.
There will be a theatre where “Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail” and “Airplane” will be shown endlessly. The sound will be turned off. Guests will have to say the lines as the characters mouth them from memory. Between the replays, there will be a 20 minute film showing all the disasters that were expected to occur when Dec 31, 2000 became Jan 1, 2001. Or a lecture and demonstration about the coconut carrying capacity of various birds flying at different air speed velocities.
Would that be the Happy Fun Ball Ride?
No. Never taunt happy fun ball, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries. 
So, you think I’ll get a MOD NOTE or WARNING for that?
Just ask, “African or European? Laden or unladen?” You will make it through just fine.
Would there be an ORT exhibit, where visitors attempt to Out-Ron This?
The park will be built on the border of Colorado, and you’re allowed to smoke on the Colorado side, but if anyone even sees you smoke or talk about smoking on the non-Colorado side, you’re immediately kicked out.
Or as an alternative, give him three words that end in “gry.”
There’ll be chairs to pull up and popcorn.
The next stall along will be grilling the kosher parts of Mr. Tumnus.
Served with buttered toast and a lightly boiled egg for each guest.