Design the SDMB TV Network!

I’ve had it with TV programming executives. They have absolutely no idea what they’re doing. Just review any thread about any beloved series that’s on the brink of cancellation, and you’ll find a list of grievances against the way the show was handled that’s as long as your arm. Or both arms. Or both arms of several really long-armed people.

It seems like TV writers and directors and producers are dying to make quality television, and some incompetent suits with MBAs and a suspicious resemblance to Yahoo Serious are beating them down until all anyone ends up turning out is the equivalent of late-run episodes of Full House. A band of rabid orangutans could do better.

And we’re better than a band of rabid orangutans. Mostly.

So, let’s do it. Let’s make a network that will make our hearts swell and burst. Let’s talk about what we want to see on prime time, on late night, on daytime, on insomniac time. How do we program weekends? What reruns do we buy? What original programming will we develop, and most importantly, how will we deal with the development process? And how will we treat the shows once they’re on the air, so they get the fair shake they deserve?

There must be a better way to do things. You know this if you’ve watched a half hour of network TV lately. And if anyone can figure out how it should be done, it’s us.

What do you think, sirs?

Let’s see, some must-haves:
(I know I’m forgetting a bunch)

The Family Guy
Star Trek- all series

Princess Bride
Star Wars, original trilogy
Star Trek, all films

International news.

9:00 MASH
9:30 MASH
10:00 MASH
10:30 MASH
11:00 Star Trek
12:00 MASH
12:30 MASH
1:00 MASH
1:30 The Family Guy
2:00 MASH
2:30 MASH
3:00 Star Trek
4:00 MASH
4:30 MASH
5:00 Junkyard Wars
6:00 Star Trek
7:00 MASH
7:30 The Simpsons
8:00 MASH
8:30 The Family Guy
9:00 Junkyard Wars
10:00 The Daily Show
10:30 The Tick
11:00 The Simpsons
12:00 MASH
12:30 Conan
1:30 Porno

12:00pm – Curling
3:00 – Hour of Simpsons
4:00 – various rare sports
6:00 – interesting documentary
7:00 – Really good, classic music videos not shown anymore
9:00 – jazz performances
11:00 – More curling
2:00am – Old-fashioned blue movies

Firefly, dammit!

Wouldn’t we have to include the Straight Dope TV show?

You fool! You’ve just copied the TNN lineup!

Monty Python’s Flying Circus

I’ll second MAS*H, the Simpsons (originals and reruns both), and Star Trek in all its permutations.

And yes, we’ll definitely want some quality porno late at night. :stuck_out_tongue:


12:01 am-11:59 pm: 24

With that chicks-wrestling beer commercial as the only advertising.

The Daily
Dinner for Five
Inside the Actor’s Studio
WGN Morning News: Chicago
This is basically my Tivo list. Good idea!

Wonder Woman
Challenge of the Superfriends
Birds of Prey
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Gilmore Girls
Will & Grace
BBC World News
So Graham Norton
Mrs. Bradley Mysteries
Forever Knight
Dark Angel
Mysteries & Scandals
French & Saunders
Mary Tyler Moore

10:00 PM – The Lord of the Rings Show (Talk)
Noted authors discuss how they would have written the classic JRR Tolkein fantasy.

:smiley: Good one - I just about choked on my coffee reading that.

Considering this board can’t even agree on the best flavor of grape juice, I can’t imagine the network would ever get beyond the status of vaguely scrambled porn.

Of course, that would still be better than UPN or the WB.

3:00 Tars Tarkas fornicates with Many women

followed by 4:00 Tars Tarkas visits the free clinic, and at 5:00 Tars Tarkas stars in It Burns When i Pee.

Magnifying glasses for viewing will be sold at Plaid Pantrys around the country.


I want to give Polycarp Sunday morning. One, two, four hours of programming; whatever he wants. I’d love to see what sort of show he’d put together.