Desperately seeking silver linings.

There are optimists who can see a silver lining no matter how dark the cloud,so I’ve thought of a few myself and invite contributions from other Dopers.

Having very prominent visible tattoos means that you are less likely to be murdered as your body will identified much too easily and quickly.
Crippling alimony awards mean that the bloke will not have enough money to turn into an alcoholic in his misery plus he will become fitter and healthier because he’ll have to walk everywhere.

Living in a recession means that we’ve got something to look forward to,ie. economic improvement in the future.

Having an incredibly ugly gf/bf means that the chances of them two timing you are insignificant.

Premature male baldness means that you have lots and lots of testosterone,which in turn means that your a REAL man and a stud,plus you’ll save a fortune over the years in haircuts,shampoos,gels,lotions and all the other crap.

When you actually ARE made redundant you no longer have to worry about the possibility of being made redundant plus you’ll be able to spend more time with your S.O. and be able to watch the kids growing up.

When you’re dead you wont have to worry about anything.

I keep telling myself this, but it just doesn’t help.

The silver linings in my clouds always turn out to be mercury, so I get poisoned a lot.

If you are diagnosed with a terminal illness it’s time to start smoking and drinking to excess and indulging in all your favourite unhealthy foods.

If your flight gets hijacked you’re spared the worry of missing luggage and getting a ride from the airport to town.

If you discover a dead body in your house, you have the perfect opportunity to watch police procedure at first hand and branch out on a writing career.

To hell with that. It’s time to go to every swingers’ party you can find. Provided, of course, that what you’ve got isn’t communicable.

The ultimate Silver Lining…

Surly Chick. 'Nuff said. No silver linings here.

My wife is currently being evaluated for a heart condition. She has declared that if it turns out she has a bad ticker and is going to kick it, she’s going to cancel her gym membership, start smoking again, stop drinking diet soda, and start buying buying real butter. hehehe

Unless you’re this guy!

Although I guess his silver lining is that he aten’t dead :slight_smile:

You’re given a Darwin Award. Wow, great, you won something!

You fail to graduate. Another year you don’t have to worry about getting a job and you might actually get hooked up this time.

Due to the recession your income drops/you’re out of a job. No more fiddling with those pesky income tax forms.

You kill your crazy wife, and you go to prison, where you find Jesus, about ten years too late.:smack:

Your house, your dog, and everything you own burn up in a fire…

…well, there ain’t one goddamn silver lining about that.

No more flea problem !
If you get sent to Hell, at least you get to hear all the better musicians.

If you get attacked and impregnated by one of those facehugger critters from the Alien movies, at least something was willing to have sex with you.

If Earth is conquered by Martians and you get hauled off to be fattened up and eaten, at least you don’t need to diet anymore.

Okay, these aren’t very humorous, but they were vivid lessons for me.

You go through an awful experience and you don’t understand why, until much later someone else mentions they’re going through the same thing and are greatly relieved to know that you really do understand how they feel.

You endure a very dysfunctional relationship and once it ends, you get two rewards; first, it’s over and you feel giddy with freedom; and second, you realize that enduring it made you stronger and more patient than you ever imagined you could be.

No, it means if you are a murderer, you are more likely to get caught.

But if you need expensive medical care and have little or no insurance, you will die.

No, things can always get worse.

Yes, but you’re still stuck with an incredibly ugly bf/gf . . . who is two-timing with someone who thinks just like you.

Sure, but when you get older the testosterone runs out, and you’re still bald.

No, they will all leave you for being such a loser.

There’s only one way to find out, and then it’ll be too late.

Being a pessimist will make getting into certain kinds of trouble less likely.

Hey, it worked for “Rockin’” Ronnie Hawkins!

…then you have enough material to write that country song you’ve always talked about.

If you fail a Ph.D. qualifying exam you will have the opportunity to learn more about your subject area before trying again. (That’s what someone told me his advisor said when he failed. He still felt like crap.)

If you get dumped you don’t have to worry about that next Valentine’s Day.

If your car gets booted you won’t get into any traffic accidents.

If we get invaded and taken over by space aliens we’ll finally know that we are not alone in the universe.

If you’re illiterate you don’t have to serve jury duty.

If you’re homeless you don’t have to pay property taxes.

If you have a terminal illness your beneficiary will soon collect your life insurance.

If you get into a car accident that leaves you blind and deaf you don’t have to experience any Adam Sandler movies.

OK that’s enough.

You really,really must remind me to turn to you for solace when my pet puppy is killed in a tragic accident.

Hey** Panache** I’ve just won fifteen million pounds on the lottery !

Oh god you realise that you’ll be the target of every criminal in the area…

And you’ll lose all of your old friends because they wont want you to think that they are only staying friends with you for your money…

And you’ll get loads of begging letters …

And everyone will only pretend to like you now,especially good looking young women…

And you wont know what to do with yourself now that you don’t have to work…
So you’ll aquire a drug habit and die from an overdose…

I’ll just be getting my noose now before I write my farewell note.

You have clearly never seen an episode of Maury, Jerry Springer, or Cheaters.

Good for you.