I’d love to join you for that drink!
My pelvic affiliate has rapid-cycle bipolar disorder (with psychotic breaks), PTSD, Borderline Personality, Dissociative Disorder and a handful of Anxiety Disorders. Also migraines, thrush (and chronic yeast-y infections such as candida) and two emotionally disturbed kids.
Last year, we discovered that she’s had Lyme disease for around 20 years, so there’s not much hope of that ever going away.
I’m slowly coming to terms with the idea that my life is going to be radically different than the way I had always hoped/expected, because it’s all overshadowed by her illnesses. No overseas vacations, no cruises, no camping trips, and probably a house that’s too small for us. Hell, we can hardly even go out to movies anymore because there are so many people.
Sure, I could leave and live the life I deserve (or at least, the life I feel I deserve), but not only do I love her and the kids, there’s no way I’m going to leave them to the hell that would be their lives if I were to go.
When we get married, we joke that our vows will be "to love and cherish for better and worse, for rich–er, for poorer, in sickness and…well…until death do us part.
So I can feel your pain, and your frustration and despair. And yes, anger.
As far as dealing with it? I dunno…I’m finding it easier to re-think my priorities. To change what I expect out of life, now that so many things are unrealistic. If I dwell on what I cannot have, I’ll never be happy with what I do have: a loving (though frequently conniption-inducingly crazy) partner with two wonderful (though often maddeningly senseless) kids.
Am I bitter? Sure.
Do I have regrets? You bet.
Would I change how the people in my life are? In a heartbeat.
Will I survive and learn to be happy with the way my life has turned out? Gosh, I hope so.
If you feel like venting and want to PM me, feel free.