I'm so lonesome I could die.

I’m not sure that this is appropriate for such a new member, but I need a listening ear. If someone here would be so kind as to read this and respond I would be grateful.

My wife of 16 years and my three children, ages 14, 13, and 10 were hit a week ago head on by a drunk driver. All four died instantly. The past week has been a whirlwind of family, well-wishers, funeral services and burials. Family and friends being here have held me together. That all changed this morning when I took my sister to the airport. Everyone is gone now and it’s just me here.

I seriously want to die. I’m not suicidal, but if I were to suddenly have a heart attack I wouldn’t complain a bit. I just don’t know how to go on without my family. My three precious kids who all showed so much potential. My wife, who I started dating in the 10th grade. Life can change drastically with the blink of an eye.

I am teetering between denial and outright rage. Part of me believes that when I go to bed tonight I will find the warm and welcoming body of my wife welcoming me, saying “I didn’t really die in that car crash.” The other part of me wants to start throwing things, smashing things, tearing the house apart. She’s the only woman I’ve ever been with.

Right now I just can’t seem to believe I will go on. My best friend is a doctor and I’ve called him, but he is unable to break away right now, but has promised me he will come over as soon as he can.

If there is anyone here who has suffered through such a loss, please share with me how you managed to get through it. I simply don’t know what to do, how to think, how to act.

thank you for reading this.

Ok nevermind, my friend just called and he was able to find another doctor to cover for him and he’s on his way over.

I’m so very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you’re in. My only advice is to seek grief counseling and a support group of people in similar situations. Perhaps your doctor friend can recommend someone.

And we Dopers will always lend a sympathetic ear.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

Sounds like you’ve reached the Depression stage, at least in some respects. In my humble experience the stages of grief are not entirely discrete. Some situations would bring back anger even after I had moved past bargaining.

Life will be different. Talk with your friends. Let them know how to support you. Many friends simply will not know what to say.


My condolences to you on such a terrible loss. You’re doing a good thing by reaching out to people.
Do you think it would be helpful to you to tell us a bit more about your family and the good memories you have about them?

The floodgates have been opened.

It’ll end in September.

Mayan Calendar, or school holidays over?

Well, you have already done the most important thing you possibly could have by joining an anonymous message board to share your harrowing story with tens of thousands of total strangers.

Have you publicly, tearfully forgiven the drunken devil who stole your family from you in a heartwarming, faith-affirming display of selfless Christian Charity?

(((Frosty Camel)))


Mostly because of some of the obnoxious replies.

Summer holidays. This happens every summer.

I think the end of the world might be more entertaining, by this point.

What is wrong with people?

Oh, I don’t know…

troll overload?

It’s against the rules to accuse people of being trolls in this forum, so please don’t do this.

Consequently, if anyone has a problem with the poster, feel free to use the Pit, as you know how to do. Stop the hijack in this thread now.

Camel don’t know if you are aware but we just had an episode over the past day where a quadripalegic (sp?) member was portrayed as being dead by another trolling poster. We Dopers are feeling gunshy right now.

If your original post is true I am so so sorry for your loss and hope your doctor friend can provide comfort and counsel. If you could provide a link to a news report of the tragic accident, it would go a long way with us folks online. Sorry if that sounds callous.

Oh come on.

No, YOU come on. (Besides, what’s up with the Elvis lyrics? You really think a grieving widower would quote The King?)

I’m taking the OP at his word.

I’ve had a major loss and went through the ‘want to smash things’ phase. What I found worked was a hammer and small electronics. For some reason, phones were my favorite. I think because things like dishes just break too easy, electronics try to hold together, but in the end a good 3 pound hammer makes them into scrap. Wooden stuff is also nice to destroy because you can burn it afterwards. (I wouldn’t recommend burning electronics, the fumes are not good for you)

You can find stuff at Goodwill, go buy a boat load of crap. Then when the urge hits you, take them out back and pound the crap out of them.

I couldn’t even imagine your loss, but I hope you do find a local person to also spend time with you and just listen.

In this instance especially, I am confounded as to WHY this person would concoct a story like this out of thin air and post it on an internet messageboard. To what end? I understand that such a person would need to be a loser and possibly mentally disturbed but still; what is the freakin’ motivation here??? :confused: