Until I know otherwise I’m going to assume that no-one would be callous enough to fake a story like this.
My personal experience probably doesn’t help much, but my father died somewhat suddenly a year and a half ago, and this past Father’s Day wasn’t pretty. Anger, tension, sadness, and a lot of alcohol.
Some things I can recommend NOT doing:
Expecting people to know the right thing to say. They won’t. They won’t even know what NOT to say, and they’ll prove that with their shallow sympathy and meaningless platitudes, over and over and over if you don’t correct them. They only want to help, but you need to remember that sometimes it’s about you, and you should make your wishes clear, particularly to close friends. Tell them what you want to talk about, or not talk about, or phrases that you’ve heard too many times and now just frustrate you. If they’re good friends, they’ll listen without offense.
Don’t think getting the legal crap out of the way will make it “over.”
Don’t be alone. Six weeks after my dad died I left for seven months in a foreign country. Much of that was spent with obvious-in-retrospect symptoms of depression. You need friends and family. If you need a change of scenery, make sure you take at least one person with you.
Don’t put off grieving. It doesn’t go away. As soon as I got back, the familiar scenery, the people…it all came rushing back, and it was awful. Accept your grief as a part of your new self, and do your best to work through it.
Yes, grieving is a process. Yes, the numbness and anger is part of it. Relish it. Be angry. Accept your feelings and scream at the world, if it helps.
So you don’t feel like the risk of being nasty to someone in a bad place in life (if he’s being honest) outweighs the potential satisfaction of being nasty to someone who’s faking (if he’s not)? It seems like a worthwhile risk to you, because you’ve had sufficient experience with people who’ve lost their entire families to know what they will and won’t quote and can therefore tell with certainty that the OP is lying?
I very much agree on the grief counseling. Call the local mental health center or ask around the hospices in town. They are sure to know of such groups.
I think some people are afraid of looking stupid if it turns out the story isn’t legit so that’s why they’re jumping the gun and assuming it must not be real. However, I don’t really see it as a big deal if it does turn out to be untrue. “O noes, I said something sympathetic to someone who claimed to have experienced a tragedy.” Who cares? I think that if someone was looking to cause trouble, they would enjoy seeing the controversy caused by accusations of trolling as much or more than they would enjoy seeing people giving the benefit of the doubt and offering support or advice on grief.
Honestly, if you don’t believe it’s real… just don’t post. Then you don’t have to look stupid if it turns out to be not legit but you also don’t run the risk of looking like the world’s biggest jerk if it is.
All you can do right now is keep on doing what you’re already doing. You just keep on enduring. I won’t say it’ll get better but it will eventually get easier.
I try to always give people the benefit of the doubt. If a troll lies to me, what did I lose? If they really needed attention badly enough to make up a story, then it cost me nothing to give them the attention they needed. And if a person is telling me the truth, then I’ll be glad I believed them.
Is it absolutely necessary to respond to it though? No one’s keeping score regarding who fell for what story. On the off chance that this guy’s whole family just died it seems like the sensitive thing would be to just ignore the thread if you don’t believe it. Poor guy, seriously, that would be awful.
All right, I’ve already made one note in here. This hijack ends now. Do not continue the hijack concerning other posters or threads. Anyone talking about, mentioning, referencing, or replying to any earlier post in here about other topics/events, beyond this post, will be warned.
If you really want to talk about it, use the Pit, PM each other, or open a thread in ATMB talking about your concerns.
