Detroit Lions fans: It's the end of the line. Pick a new team.

The Game Room
#1

I’m finished. I’ve spent the past 24 hours-- holy shit, has it only been 24 hours?-- trying to find a silver lining to the cloud of Jim Caldwell being named the Lions’ new head coach, but I can’t find one. So I’m done, and I encourage you all to exit the bus with me. No more rooting for the Honolulu Blue.

These rat bastards have given me nothing but heartbreak for the better part of my life. Ross, Fontes, Ware, Peete, Kramer, Mariucci, Mornhinweg, Moeller…and of course he who shall not be named. Sure we’ve had some bright spots-- none of which are found in the post-season-- Sanders, Megatron, and Chris Spielman gave me reason to root for a Buckeye. Heck, I even bought his jersey.

But I’m done. Finished. I’ve given them my hopes, only to have them smashed. I’ve given them my Sundays, only to have them ruined. So now I give them my middle finger.

And hello Chicago Bears. You’re my new team. You briefly wooed me in the mid-aughts when I called your city home, and you rewarded me with an appearance in the Super Bowl. My goodness, what a thrill it was to actually have a team I give a shit about IN THE DAMN SUPER BOWL!

I am so sorry for abandoning you a couple years after I returned to Michigan. I should never have left your fandom. But I’m back, and I will stay faithful this time. I promise all of my quarterback bitching will be directed squarely at Jay Cutler from this day forward.

So, Lions fans, this is the end of the line. It’s time to pick your new team. This franchise does’t deserve our sweet, sweet love.

#2

I’m a Chiefs fan, but always quietly root for the Lions. Sanders’ Thanksgiving Day romp was a highlight for me growing up, and lately it’s been fun to watch Megatron put up those sick numbers.

But I also live in Indy, and have seen Caldwell’s ineptitude. There’s an adequate defense for him - he did coach them into the Super Bowl. But I never got the sense that he was at the helm, and he’s never done anything to dissuade me from that opinion. Now, I think he deserves another shot - Baltimore’s offense in the playoffs last year was inspired, and he has experience coaching a star QB and elite WRs. But I don’t have high hopes, and I certainly wouldn’t make any bets on the Lions in 2014.

#3

I changed the title as you asked, Happy.

#4

As a Chicago Bears fan would say: Thank you!

#5

It’s just a step in the Great Yooper Plan to take over the state. Now that we’ve ruined your football team, you’re free to like a real team: The Packers, like the grand folks in the UP do.

Pretty soon, we’ll have you eating pasties and adding “eh” to the end of all your sentences. Finally, Lower Michigan will be a place fit to live in.

#6

I did give the Pack a good consideration. I love cheese, I love beer, and for you Yoopers, I have been known to thoroughly enjoy a pastie from time to time. Plus, I like that they’re community owned.

But alas, as a former Bears fan, and as someone who grew up loathing the Packers and Brett Favre because they always kicked ass in the NFC North/Central, I just couldn’t pull the lever for Green Bay. A man’s gotta have *some *standards.

#7

Geez Louise. As a Redskin fan, I have had to develop the art of convincing myself that any number of questionable coaching hires were in fact the second coming of Vince Lombardi.* You guys are too sensitive. :stuck_out_tongue:

*Fun fact: The Redskins once hired the actual second coming of Vince Lombardi. True to form for them, it didn’t work out.

#8

The Redskins? Phht! How many playoff games have you won in the past 30 years? How many Super Bowls have you won? Lions fans can’t even *count *that high. They’d be ecstatic with 1/10th of the Redskins post-season success. Going back 55 years, Lions’ fans can count the number of post-season wins on one finger!

Detroit is a vaccuum when it comes to head coaches. Guys sign up for a head coaching job, do some stuff on the sidelines for a few years, and then they’re never heard from again. True story.

Monte Clarke? Road apple.
Darryl Rogers? Road apple.
Bobby Ross? Road apple.
Wayne Fontes? Road apple.
Gary Moeller? Road apple.
Marty Mornhinweg? Road apple.
Steve Mariucci? Road apple.
Dick Jauron? Road apple.
Rod Marinelli? Road apple.
Jim Schwartz? Fresh road apple.

I could go back further, but then I don’t even recognize the names.

#9

I’m a Falcons fan (SHUT UP!) but here’s a silver lining, it’s not COACH Matt Millen. :slight_smile:

#10

I thought dispair was part and parcel of being a Lions fan.

#11

It is. That’s why I am no longer a Lions fan, and am urging others to join me.

#12

We welcome you with open arms, Happy, and I hope your return foreshadows the Bears return to the Superbowl. Don’t let any pecker head try to convince you to root for Green Bay.

#13

You have spoken the name which should not be spoken. Were I a Lions fan, I would heap Romanian curses upon you and your offspring and your offspring’s offspring.

#14

Jeez, give the dude a chance. He did make a numbskull timeout when he was with Indy, but BFD. Brain cramps are not unheard of for any coach. I wish him well and look forward to watching the Lions in next year’s Super Bowl.

#15

It’s not him I’m turning my back on, it’s the Lions franchise. If he wins one playoff game with the Detroit Lions, I’ll eat my Chris Spielman jersey. If he takes them to the Super Bowl, I’ll blow Chris Spielman.

#16

I don’t understand why you would jump ship now, over Jim Caldwell, and not when they hired Mayor McDouchebag of Douchebagville, North Douchestate, Jim Schwartz? Or when they continued to allow Millen to run the franchise further and further into the ground.

But then again, I don’t understand why anyone would actually choose to root for the Bears, so I guess I’ll never get it.

#17

Meh. I’ve been so emotionally dissociated from football in general and the Lions specifically that the hiring of Caldwell does nothing to me.

Don’t go for another NFC North team if you’re going to go. Pick an AFC team, for crying out loud.

#18

The day the Cutler extension was announced I asked why don’t the Bears just concede the division to the Packers for the next 7 years and save some money? Now this. What’s the story on the new helmsman in Minnesota? We (Packer Nation) may hit the off-season trifecta!

#19

Now that you’re a Bears fan again, if you are ever missing heartbreak you can be a Cubs fan in the summer. :slight_smile:

#20

“Didn’t work out” seems to suggest that Lombardi’s Redskins flopped, rather than that Lombardi died of cancer after leading an improved Redskins to a 7-5-2 record in his first (and only) season.