Detroit Lions' jokes

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Q. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions & the Taliban?
A. The Taliban has a running game

Q. How do the Detroit Lions count to 10?
A. 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10

Q. What do the Detroit Lions & Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 60,000 people stand up & yell “Jesus Christ” !

Q. How do you keep a Detroit Lion out of your yard?
A. Put up goal posts

Q. Where do you go in Detroit in case of a tornado?
A. To the Silverdome - they never get a touchdown there!

Q. What do you call a Detroit Lion with a SuperBowl ring?
A. A thief

Q. Why doesn’t Flint have a professional football team?
A. Because then Detroit would want one

Q. Why was Marty Mornhinweg upset when the Detroit Lions playbook was
stolen?
A. Because he hadn’t finished coloring it.

Q. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar

Q. How many Detroit Lions does it take to win a Superbowl?
A. Nobody knows and we may never find out!

Q. What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the SuperBowl?
A. The Detroit Lions

Q. What do the Detroit Lions and opossums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q. How can you tell when the Detroit Lions are going to run the
football?
A. The running back leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes.

They found three of the suspected terrorists hiding out in the
Silverdome last Thursday night --Bin Whinin’, Bin Cryin’, Bin Losin’

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Owen.
Owen who?
Owen ten, how 'bout those Lions.

2

Oh, OW. Those are harsh.

But funny. :smiley: (I’m gonna have to remember these.)

Zanshin, lifetime Bears fan

3

Old Joke Alert!

I heard on the news today the Lions were gonna change their team name.

Yeah, from now on they’ll be the Detroit Tampons.

They figured it was fitting since they only have one string and can’t even last a whole period.

I’m very very sorry. :smiley:

4

A young boy’s parents were divorcing, and the boy was questioned by the judge at the custody hearing. “Do you want to live with your mother, young man?” asked the judge.

“No, no!” shouted the boy. “My mommy beats me.”

“Then I suppose you will live with your father,” said the judge.

“No, no! My daddy beats me too!”

“Well, young man, where do you want to live then?”

“Let me live with the Detroit Lions: they don’t beat anybody!”
[news announcer]Will the lady who left her 11 sons at the Silverdome please come and get them. They’re beating the Lions 24-0[/news announcer]

The Lions are going to replace their head coach with Linda Lovelace. She might blow a few, but she’ll never choke on the Big One.

5

Q. Why does Los Angeles have gangs, smog, and earthquakes and Detroit have the Lions?
A. Because Los Angeles got to pick first

6

Latest news: The Rolling Stones will play next at the Detroit Silverdome. They’re favored by a touchdown.

7

Couple thoughts:

  1. I love watching Matt Millen go insane in the booth. He’s going to hurl himself out onto the fans below before the season is over.

  2. The Lions frankly aren’t that bad a team, they have talent, but they always find a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

8

Cheese Head: The fuckin’ Lions are a joke.

9

Check out the link in this Lions appreciation thread.

10

This gets the distinction of being the funniest damn thing I have read all day.
:slight_smile:

11

The Lions didn’t hear the gun go off at the end of the game, and they didn’t notice when the other team walked off the field.

Three plays later, they scored.

12

Coach Marty Mornhinweg had put together the perfect Lions team. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn’t find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Bosnia. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th-story window 200 yards away—ka-boom! He threw another hand grenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away—ka-blooey! Then a car passed, going 90 mph—bulls-eye!

“I’ve got to get this guy!” Mornhinweg said to himself. “He has the perfect arm!”

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football, and the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time in history.

The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of football, and when Mornhinweg asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call his mother. “Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” the old woman says. “You deserted us. You are not my son.”

“I don’t think you understand, Mother!” the young man pleads. “I just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”

“No, let me tell you,” the mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight.”

The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, “…I’ll never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!”

13

Let us not forget that there is visual proof that The Lions literally suck.