Did anyone have a close family member stop talking to you?

In My Humble Opinion
21

After many years of disinterest, I finally stopped talking with my mother. My mother is a woman who constantly needs to be needed and my younger (adult) brother and his sons fit that bill perfectly. Me, not so much. My brother relies on my mother for lot of stuff and his family (including Wife #3) is always full of drama. Major drama, like arrests, fights, etc. Again, me, not so much. As a result, the majority of my mother’s time and attention are focused on my brother and his crew. Every time my mom and I would get together, all she would do is talk about my brother and the latest drama. (I haven’t talked to my brother is many, many years–I don’t need that shit in my life.)

In October, Hallgirl1 and I met with my mom at an All You Can Eat crab fundraiser at a local fire hall. While we were there (for two hours), my mom talked non-stop about my brother and his crew and their latest drama. She hadn’t seen Hallgirl1 in years, but my mother never asked how we are doing, or what we were doing, or what was new, etc…nothing. It was like we didn’t exist. While we were there, several people came up to our table to say hello to my mom and chat with her for a bit, but never did she introduce us. (She knew them–after they’d leave, she’s say, “That’s so-in-so, he’s (fill in the blank).” For me, that was the final straw.

I decided then and there to just break it off and not put so much effort into trying to maintain a relationship with her. Before this, it seemed like I was the one always calling her to find out how she was doing, or asking her out to dinner, or initiating conversations, and I just got tired of it always being me initiating everything. I figured if she wanted to see me, she would call. And it’s been seven months now, and no phone call. So, I guess that is that.

22

My middle brother and his bitch of a wife. I never liked my middle brother since the day he was born for some reason. We fought violently and constantly almost every second we were forced to be together. I am talking baseball bats and knives to the throat type fighting. In short, we don’t have natural harmony and everyone knows that we have to keep a safe distance from one another even today.

I have also known his wife since she was a small child because she is a close cousin to my childhood friends and she always nasty to me even at 6 years old. I was prepared to try to be an adult and tolerate them because I love their kids but they go out of their way to be complete assholes to both me and my children during the rare times that we see them. Both of them were purposefully mean to my daughters for no reason during my grandfather’s 90th birthday party last August and that was the final straw.

They just announced the worst decision I have heard this year. They are having a third child on purpose despite the fact that they already have 12 and 10 year old sons that they can’t afford on their own already. They will be almost 40 when the newest son is born next month.

All of that would be their own business except for the fact that they are personally bankrupt because of a constant stream of poor decision making. They built a personal McMansion (closer to an actual mansion) several years ago through a family loan and defaulted on it. My youngest brother and I now own their house because of that even though they live in it and do not pay anything for it.

I am going to be forced to start the ultimate family feud in a few short years when I have to evict them and sell their (my) house but that is what has to be done. I planned on doing that when their existing sons already moved out of the house but I am not waiting another 18 years because they tried to reset the clock by spawning yet again. I am going to have to pull the ultimate big brother dick move and call the sheriff to put all of their shit on the curb and get out so that their no paying ass can be homeless for all I care.

It probably isn’t the wisest move for them to piss me off any more because it will greatly affect their fate but neither of them have ever been known to make rational decisions. The next time we speak will when they call me to try to negotiate and it isn’t going to work.

23

I don’t speak to my aunt since I learned how much she had mistreated my granny. Currently, she kinda talks to my granny (because she depends on her), and also to my parents (not frequently). I’m fine talking to her son, my cousin, though.

I don’t speak to another cousin because I decided (after her mom my aunt died), that it was better to not speak to her and not have to deal with her drama and lies.

24

It did not happen to me, but it has happened in my family. My Aunts Theresa and Mary had some sort of argument right around the end of WWII. They never spoke again. They lived in the same neighborhood, shopped in the same stores and attended the same church. They just treated each other like strangers for the rest of their lives.

Aunt Mary won the argument by living about six months longer than Aunt Theresa. She passed away in 1996. That is a long time to hold a grudge, but we are stubborn…

25

I was raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, as was my wife. We were both baptized as kids. Last year, at ages 38 and 35, we left the religion of our own accord. We are now shunned by our family that are JW’s. My dad, mom, one brother (and his wife), and sister, and my wife’s dad, mom, four sisters, and their two husbands and two kids.

My dad died last month. He spent the last year of his life shunning me. I was allowed to see him one last time in hospice to say goodbye. I was not allowed at his memorial service. So basically I was un-shunned for the 45 minutes or so at hospice with him, my mom, and sister, and then as soon as I left hospice I was back to shuntown mountain. My wife hasn’t seen or spoken to any of her still JW relatives in over a year. I won’t see mine again until maybe another hospice visit is in order? Who knows. Once we left the religion we were officially dead to them, resurrected just long enough for a final goodbye to dad.

26

My youngest nephew. When my dad was alive, certain monetary promises were made to both of my nephews. After he died, my mom could not fulfill said promises. Combine that with comments my mom has made due to mental issues, a massive schism occurred in the family. My sister and her sons on one side, my mom and me on the other. My sister and my older nephew will speak with me, but the youngest will not. At family get togethers, I talk to his wife just fine. He will not even say hello to me. I’m the only one who talks to mom.

27

Oh yes, this was my mother’s favorite tactic. It’s damn sad, but the best thing my mother did for family harmony was die. I know, I sound horrible, but since she’s gone, we are all getting along much better. She made herself poison in the middle.

28

My aunt decided to stop talking to everyone in the family – EVERYONE. She also sent her more immediate relatives letters detailing every grievance she had built up against them throughout her entire life. Her parents and siblings died without her ever speaking to them again.

After 15 years she opened up just enough to speak to her daughter occasionally, but only on the phone or by letter. Eventually we learned that my aunt was seriously disturbed (as in, “danger to herself and others”) and had been spending those years in and out of institutions.

29

I have a cousin that will have nothing to do with me. I do not know why.

30

Oh wow. Of all the anecdotes in this thread this one makes me sad. I mean, this isn’t anyone’s fault and yet everyone suffers. :frowning:

31

My brother’s wife (and therefor my bother and his kids) has completely removed herself from our family. My brother was working for the family business being groomed to take it over. When the transition actually happened, my brother’s wife said some pretty hurtful stuff to my parents and they responded in kind. From everyone outside of this’ perspective, everyone was at fault and needed to apologize. She decided that what had been said to her was too much and she won’t talk to us anymore, eliminating the possibility of anyone resolving this.

It’s only been 6 months so far, but the results have been devastating to everyone. Personally I’m filled with rage, my brother is my hero. Just writing this and realizing he’s not in my life is making me cry. I hate her for how she’s behaving. She’s holding my niece and nephew essentially hostage. I haven’t seen them in over 2 months and their birthdays were a couple weeks ago. No invite received. My brother says she doesn’t have a problem with my sister and I, just my parents, but we’re all being treated the same and that way is ridiculous anyways

If my parents were neglectful or unkind in anyway, it would make sense. But they really aren’t. My brother worked for the family business for over 15 years. I worked alongside him for the last 4. Daily it was great. Nonstop conversation about science and history with my brother. And my dad was a great boss. Taught us everything we know. They have given their life’s focus to raising us right. And he left just decided what his wife says is law. This new dynamic is so messed up to me that I’m still trying to figure it out. All I feel is sadness and rage

32

I have an uncle who periodically just gets a wild hair and quits speaking to the whole family for long periods, and then one year he’ll turn up at Thanksgiving like nothing happened.

Nobody knows what his deal is, including his kids; we’re FB friends so we quietly keep in touch and they warn us when he’s going through one of his hissy fits.

33

My Sister. Cut off the entire family. No one has any idea why. She had come home for a family reunion in August that all agree was uneventful. By late fall, she wasnt returning calls or emails. By winter, she was telling us not to contact her(at work, we were worried and thought we could get hold of her there). She used to send my kids presents and cards, now they barely remember her. I can accept walking away from siblings, but what it has done emotionally to my father is pretty hard. He doesn’t deserve it. Apologies for the mini whine session. It’s not something I regularly talk about.

34

My mother. During the worst of my mental illness, I did some acting out (not at her) that she highly disapproved of. She cut off contact completely and took me out of the will. Apparently when she decided I’d done enough penance over enough time, she relented.

35

Ex-JW here, too. I feel your pain, though I no longer have any relatives in the org, except an ex-wife, and I’d just as soon be shunned by her anyway.

36

The title of the thread “Did anyone have a close family member stop talking to you?” seems top, so far, have answers that are all YES.

Am I the only NO? Thank goodness, my family gets along, doesn’t hate or shun or cut people off.

37

I haven’t talked to my father since he let his current wife (not my mother) take back the wedding gift he gave me and my now ex. He gave us a car, she called the next day and asked how I wanted to pay for it. I took it back and left it in his driveway. It’s his choice, not mine. Sent a wedding invitation to my last wedding 4 years ago, it was returned unopened.

I also haven’t talked to a brother since I found out he was using my name when ticketed for various offenses. Took me a couple years to clear my name with 5 different jurisdictions. Still have to prove who I really am every time I renew my driver’s license.

In the big picture, my father is now an angry old man because all his friend’s have died and no one wants to play cars anymore. My brother is supposedly a recovering drug addict and still steals from family members every chance he gets. I don’t ever want him near my home.

38

All my family talks to each other, though we are so spread out and not particularly close it’s hard to tell. Many of my cousins might have stopped speaking to me years ago and I wouldn’t know it.

39

I do wonder if the circumstance is more common than not.

And how much is due to psychiatric illness (diagnosed, appreciated, or not), to specific circumstances, or to specific circumstances triggering off longstanding childhood family dynamic issues?

In my family I am pretty sure that the specific issues were the least important items on the docket, other than that our mother’s imminent mortality brought the childhood dynamics and resentments to transition points. And the very real psychiatric issues were likely less the major factor as well.

Was usedtobe’s contempt of “old egg … snot nosed bitch” niece, and his/her need to slap her down, hard, and his and his brother’s irresolvable impasse over that interaction, just a single event, or part of a long line of perceptions? How would usedtobe’s brother’s version of the story go?

How do my sisters’ versions of our story go? Probably I am guilty of something in their take.

Lakai, if I may ask, was there a particular reason for you to have brought this up? Family psychodrama or your own that this thread helps normalize? No obligation to share of course.

40

In the past 6 years, I have seen and talked to my parents and brother three times.

The first and second time was when my granmother spent her last days in hospital and passed away.

It all goes back to this:

My wife fell very seriously ill soon after our youngest daughter was born and was in hospital for weeks. Since she was a stay-at-home mom and I had a job, I desperately needed some help. My mother came right away. Except that after few days, she tearfully exclaimed that she “couldn’t stand it anymore.” The only thing that she had to do was prepare her granddaughter’s baby bottle while I spent my days running from school (taking my eldest daughter) to work to hospital to work to school to hospital. She decided that she was going to stop keeping my daughters. Starting the next day or the one after at the latest.

So, I spent the next day frantically calling all the daycare centers around where I lived to find a place that would accept my daughter. The next day. For an undetermined period. Waiting lists for daycare centers are so long that you have to apply months in advance. Some people I called couldn’t suppress a giggle: my request was so ridiculous. Of course, they understood the problem and they might be able to do something next month or the one after. Perhaps. But starting tomorrow? No way. I finally found a place that tentatively accepted to provide an “emergency solution”. My mother’s reaction: “So, you can deal with the situation”.

This was the person who had been pestering me for years about when she was going to have grandkids. How [insert some former classmate’s name] already had children. The same person who had bought dozens of vidotapes of cartoons for her “future grandchildren” over 12 years before my first daughter was born :rolleyes:.

I’ve lived on my own since I was 17. This was the only time in my adult life when I really, desperatly needed help.

I cut her off from my life immediately and, since my dad didn’t dare contradict her (she was the victim, I was so selfish and rude) and my brother knows on which side his bread is buttered, I stopped talking to them, too.

Last New Year’s Eve, my wife insisted we called my parents. That was enough. She wanted our daughters to have grandparents like their classmates. I was not too enthusiastic about the idea but still, we called them. They were extatic. We arranged for them to come and visit a few weeks later. Everything went well.

That was three months ago. We haven’t heard a word from them since then :confused:.

Oh, well.