Did anything ever give you a sudden burst of clarity in your life?

In My Humble Opinion
1

For pretty much my whole life, I’ve always had a badly muddled mind. This was especially so with most life decisions. I would be stuck with indecision for months or even years on decisions that take most people fairly little time to think through. My failure to make a coherent, clear career plan also cost me a great deal of time and money. Every single romantic relationship I’ve ever been in also quickly turned into a “should we stay together or break up?” dilemma.

I had seen numerous therapists but they were unhelpful - they would charge money, “state the problem” (which I already knew) and not give help. By analogy, it would be like your car’s check engine is light is on, so you drive to a mechanic, and the mechanic charge you $90/hour, then says, “Okay, so my conclusion is that your car’s check engine light is on.” Well, yes - you knew your check engine light was on; that’s why you took the car to the mechanic in the first place. Kind of like telling a depressed person, “Stop being depressed.”

I was also prescribed a variety of meds, including Ritalin, Adderall, Vyvanse, SSRIs, ketamine, etc., but in a way I think they made my brain a bit more jumbled rather than un-jumbling it.

I would also seek a lot of advice, but the problem was that the advice from people was always so all-over-the-place that it didn’t help clarify any direction. It would be like if you were a quarterback wanting to know what play you should run, but one coach says “QB sneak” and another says “shotgun RB draw” and one says “slant pass” and one says “hitch-and-go” and one says “fly route” and one says “screen pass” and one says “TE leak.” If the advice is all different, then it’s like having no advice.

The main things I’ve been trying are trying to make my body as healthy as possible via diet, sleep and exercise, which would hopefully help the brain (the brain being part of the body and all.) And as I near age 40, I’m well aware I’m at or past the midpoint of life and entering the second half. Which only makes it further urgent that I develop some sort of strong clarity in mind as quickly as possible before I waste any more of life.

So - have any Dopers here ever been at some point in your life where the lights suddenly turned on and you suddenly got 20/20 vision after having been myopic up to then? What made things suddenly clear for you?

2

Haven’t thought about it. But the thread below this one is “Does your optometrist make glasses” :laughing:

3

Do you have a particularly bad diet? Do you eat a lot of junk food and sugary snacks? Do you need to lose a lot of weight? When I turned 65 I was having some serious problems with brain fog and memory. I even got tested for early Alzheimer’s because my mother and grandfather succumb to it and I happen to be APOE-4 times two.

Luckily, it wasn’t that, but I also realized I was overweight, bordering on obese, and that I need to lose some weight. I explored a variety of dieting options, and ended up on a ketogenic diet with lots of aerobic exercise and intermittent fasting. Within a few weeks my brain fog cleared and has never returned. I could think clearer and my memory was improving. It wasn’t like it was when I was 20, but I could now think clearer than I could when I was in my 40s.

I lost 40 pounds and have been able to keep it off for over two years. You may want to experiment with a clean keto diet, some good daily exercise, and intermittent fasting to see if it makes any difference. Just cutting out seed oils and any foods with added sugar might be an easy way to see if this will help. What have you got to lose?

4

I’ve never been overweight, but I did eat way too much salt + sugar + refined carbs until lately. High blood sugar and colon polyps got me to cut out all red meat and avoid white rice. Thanks for the advice. How “intermittent” was your fasting? (like, skipping breakfasts, or more like an entire day without food?)

5

Nothing sudden. If you’re truly looking for an epiphany, not really. Currently, I’m feeling a hell of a lot better by being more active (I use step count as proxy for this – 10K+ steps a day per week average), diet (I’m down a good 20 lbs since Thanksgiving – I’m closer to what I consider my “normal” weight after significantly porking up after 5 years–I do breakfast and dinner each day and watch the carbs, but certainly not eliminate), returning to doing things I love with friends (music) and by myself (music, finding new things to cook, and writing/poetry. Creative pursuits is my panacea.) My sleep hygiene has always been pretty good, so no change on that.

I see a psychiatrist and take lithium and lurasidone and they’ve definitely help clean the cobwebs for me. I started on lithium in 2020 after not ever taking psychiatric medication and it has managed to quash my ruminating thoughts, made me less prone to anger, and just a little more chill in general. But that’s me. Coping skills like mindfulness have helped me out of acute anxiety situations–this includes grounding exercises, breathing exercises, and something as simple as sipping on a cold bottle of water.

Oh, and no drinking again. I stopped a few years back, then started up again this year. Bad idea. That sucked all the soul out of me over time, as I fell into my binging habits again.

Regimenting my life a little more with at least a mental schedule of what to do and whenabouts to do it each day helped with structure and the sense of accomplishing goals. That was important to me.

6

Not me. I’m turning 40 this year and still say, only half-jokingly, that I’m still figuring out what I want to do when I grow up. I work for the same company I joined as a temp when I graduated, albeit having moved roles a couple of times over the years, I’m married with 2 kids, and have lots of fun hobbies. So sorry, not really the answer you’re looking for. But my advice is that you don’t necessarily need perfect clarity or any grand plan in order to enjoy life. If there are aspects of your current life you’re unhappy with, I suggest focusing on one thing at a time and working towards improving that. For example, if you’re not living independently and want to change that, saving money is key (which means a decent job). If you have a decent job but hate it, how can you change that? And if both apply, you need to decide which is most important to you, then focus on that (i.e. can you stick out the job until you’ve saved enough to move, or would you rather stay living where you are and find a new job first?).

Sorry if this isn’t helpful, it’s all I can offer. I’m not the best at this.

7

Suffering through the death of my parents when I was 16 introduced me to the real world. I grew up believing “real life” was a Disney Princess Jasmine movie in which I was the star. That devastating experience changed my life forever. It could of destroyed me emotionally but fortunately, in this case, Friedrich Nietzsche was right.

8

Sorry about my glib post about the glasses/optometrist.

Mine came from a particularly vexing programming issue. I was nearing retirement, but hadn’t chosen when. My Wife and I where shooting for 67yo.

But nope, it came to me. To heck with that, I’m retiring at 65yo. My brain is full. Seriously, if I have to develop/troubleshoot and take care of one more thing, I’m going to run off screaming.

I have deep roots with the ‘company’ (32 years) but thankfully we have an up-and-comer that will be able to step into my shoes. That really helped with my decision.

9

If cutting out all red meat helps you that’s great, but remember that meat has the essential amino acids your body needs so I assume you are getting those from some other source if you aren’t eating red meat.

When I do something, I do it 150%, so I started by not eating breakfast, then not eating breakfast and lunch, so I was OMAD (one meal a day) for most of the time I was dieting. (I am now on 16/8 Time Restricted Eating (TRE) and have eliminated snacks, so I eat three meals a day within an 8 hour eating period). While dieting, once a week I would skip eating for a day (NOMAD) in an effort to promote autophagy. That’s sounds pretty extreme, but I was retired and could adjust my eating as much as I wanted.

After a while, I just wasn’t hungry, so eating OMAD for me was quite easy during my diet. Note that the one meal a day I was having was a healthy meal with lots of veggies and meat to ensure I was getting the nutrients my body needed while I was losing weight. I also wore a CGM (Constant Glucose Meter) for a month to see how my blood sugar was impacted by different foods, and that showed that I was very sensitive to certain carbohydrates. When I cut those foods out I was able to lose weight faster because I was keeping my insulin levels low throughout the day. I lost 40 pounds in about 14 weeks. YMMV.

10

The last job I worked was the most stressful I ever had. I took on the position of quality control manager for a project that was three months behind and the pressure from the prime contractor to catch up was relentless. At that point I was 61, so I’m not sure why I took on this project, but after about eight months it finally occurred to me that this job was likely to kill me. Then I woke up one night and thought “why am I doing this to myself?” So the next day when I came home I told my wife I wanted to not only quit this job, but wanted to quit working altogether. She said “thank god! I’ve been worried about the way you look lately!” Our house was paid off and we were debt-free with money in the bank, so that was that. Best thing I ever did.

11

So IOW…basically every Disney Princess movie.

12

I can relate to much of what’s in the OP. For a long time I struggled with trying to figure out what the ”best” thing to do was. But I could never hit on what seemed to be best. Every time I thought about committing to something, the doubt would creep in. Maybe that’s not the best decision. Maybe after I commit I’ll wish I’d done something different. Then over a period of time I came to realize I was fighting a battle I could never win. I realized it’s just not in my nature to feel 100% about much of anything. I’m always going to have doubts and even regrets no matter what I do. Sounds bleak, but it’s been very liberating. In the years that followed I got married and chose a career. Didn’t (still don’t!) feel 100% about either, but 30+ years later I’ve remained true to both and am a much better person (I think) then I would have been had I not done so. But, I still think sometimes, what if I’d made different decisions? We’ll, maybe things would be better, but I doubt it. Because I doubt everything :smile:

13

I some respects, your experiences are similar to mine. I have probably left in my wake a trail of perplexed, hurt, alienated, angry or any combination thereof. Regarding romantic relationships, the preceding also apply, as well as me having relationships which were, at best, three-week stands, until I actually managed to get married 30 years ago. Often I found myself doomed to the friend zone, not understanding that I put myself there.

I went through a ton of therapy over 20 years to deal with low self-esteem and significant anger issues. That effort got me to a point at which my wife, a few years ago, was able to say (without me reacting explosively) about other behaviour of mine, “it’s almost as though you’re autistic”. I got an evaluation as soon as possible with a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder level 1 (high functioning and previously Asperger’s).

That process was my moment of enlightenment and was like being given a Rosetta Stone that explained almost everything stupid, unwise, obnoxious etc that I ever did or said throughout my life.

Most of my issues resulted from an inability to accurately interpret social cues. Fortunately I am high functioning enough that, as long as I don’t slack off in social situations, I can monitor myself and mitigate my own reactions to what other people say and do.

I am in no way saying that this applies to you btw but, that’s my experience.

Finding out the truth was huge. I went through a ten year period of depression, along with a lot of passive suicidal ideation, was taking SSRIs, and am convinced that my depression was a spin off of not understanding WTF was wrong with me. Post diagnosis I have been far happier and stopped the SSRIs a few weeks ago.

And @Velocity, if you think that this is relevant to you, please feel free to DM me.

14

I sympathise because if I could go back in time, I could give my younger self a lot of useful advice.

What helped me through was that I had some life goals, which helped me make decisions.

I wanted to:

  • save up and buy a house
  • steer clear of unnecessary debt (money doesn’t always make you happy - but lack of money makes you sad)
  • become a really good chess player

So I saved money from the moment I had a job (and now I own a house.)
I used a credit card for convenience - but always paid it off in full at the end of the month. I also never smoked and only drank in moderation.
I did make it as a chess player (ELO 2390) and enjoyed playing, travelling to tournaments, teaching chess and meeting celebrities.

So my suggestion is you sit down and plan a few goals for yourself.
Good luck!

15

The best advice I can give you is figure out what makes you happy no matter how crazy it may sound to other people. It might sound cliche but figure out what you are passionate about and do that thing no matter how far fetched.

I’m sure you’ve heard that advice before and thought “I have no idea what I’m passionate about. I’m not particularily passionate about anything so that advice is kinda pointless.”

If you want clues to the things you are passionate about then reconsider the things you enjoyed as a child and didnt have a care in the world how you would make ends meet. It’s the closest thing to your “true self” unencumbered by the mess that is adulthood.

For me that thing was music and in particular the piano. I loved playing the piano as a child, I played it all the time, but when I grew up I gave it up and did other things like join the army, become a corporate accountant, go to law school (did not finish). Everything I did just made me more unhappy until one night I woke up and I was 40 years old and absolutely miserable. Then I started thinking how sad I was that I gave up the piano. I dusted off my keyboard played what little I remember and slowly but surely it came back to me. Fast forward a few years and now I teach in music academies across my city and play in bands that gig around town.

It may not pay loads of money but I really enjoy the work. I enjoy teaching others what I know about music and I enjoy performing on a stage. I’m also close to finishing another bachelors degree in music education and afterwards I plan to teach in public/private schools. I’m very satusfied in what I do now and I’m hopeful about the future.

OP you mentioned a lot of football terminology. Did you play football as a child? Do you enjoy watching it? Maybe that’s your thing. Maybe try figuring a way to spin it into a profitable career. It just might be the thing that makes you happy

16

I’ve talked in a couple other threads about the fact that a tough strain of OCD runs through my family- my father and older son were both clinically diagnosed with it. My dad’s mom was an extreme hoarder. When I was a young kid, I suffered from debilitating anxiety over a number of different things- fear of heights, social anxiety, you name it. This took the form of trying to avoid most of the stuff that caused me anxiety. But as I got older, especially in my later teen years when I wanted to date and have a social life, or a life in general, I overcame a lot of my avoidance due to fear. Partly by just toughing it out and pushing through the anxiety, partly by coming up with coping mechanisms on my own to alleviate the anxiety.

But, despite the fact that I overcame a lot of my issues, I still always had this feeling in the back of my mind that those feelings were my ‘fault’-- that they were a character defect or a personality flaw. It wasn’t until my early 20s when my dad got a formal diagnosis of OCD and we realized ‘oh, Grandma clearly had it too, and it must be hereditary’ that I had a sudden epiphany that my lifetime of anxiety feelings weren’t my ‘fault’- any more than having a birth defect or schizophrenia was someone’s ‘fault’. A lot of guilt and shame that I didn’t even realize I had been carrying suddenly fell away.

17

I know this is not the answer many dopers want to hear, but it’s the answer I will give. It was seeking God. It came with terrifying dreams and revelation which displayed my life issues from another perspective. That allowed me to explore my life from this perspective through my dream life, and to see the relationship between the fantasy dream world I was allowed to experience and the real world. I not only understood why things didn’t seem to work for me, but allowed me to work though them in a way that rebuilt my life which reconstructed my self image. It was a long process that started very religious but ended up shattering religion itself along the way, ending up with what I take as a direct relationship with God as me as a child of God, who then has rebuilt my physical real life by raising me though those dreams, and later through strange happenings in real life, which has replaced most of my ‘real life’ sad, lonely physical childhood. Thus giving me a happy childhood of growth and exploration as my life’s foundation.

Incase you are interested how this is done, I believe the answer is to seek God with all your everything, even, in my case, getting rid of valuable items one hold’s dear as one finds God. This seeking, how you do it is up to you. Finding God is up to God.

18

I did have one of those epiphany / life-changer events in my life. To this day I continue to annoy people by attempting to share the contents of it with apostolic fervor.

There was nothing I did that someone else could repeat formulaically if they were seeking that “lights suddenly turn on and things finally make sense” moment in their own lives.

Think of it as a sort of mental earthquake, where there was previously a lot of unresolved tension, and a region of friction that keeps things from sliding, until it finally slips. Yes, it can be (and was) very dramatic and spectacular. Also, there’s a strong potential for it being catastrophically destructive (my chaos didn’t quite rise to that level but it wasn’t nontrivial either), so, umm, be careful what you wish for and all that.

As with actual earthquakes, it’s most likely to happen if you’re in an ongoing unresolved tension situation where your lack of clarity on some matter you’ve got a personal stake in keeps resulting in trauma each time you encounter it. Where it keeps slamming you in the face and you’re deeply unhappy with how you deal with it.

Emotionally, a state that includes exasperation, desperation, terror, fervent optimism and hope, and anger seems to be the appropriate cocktail.

19

Thanks, feel free to share your experience with me with apostolic fervor here or via PM.

20

I didn’t play it but do enjoy watching. I tend to use football for most analogies since it fits almost every life situation very well.

Thanks for the advice; the things that make me happy generally tend to do with writing or music composition; unfortunately, AI is cutting pretty deeply into both of those fields so I’ll do what I can but also find other paths.