Well, it didn’t happen suddenly, and I can’t pinpoint the time that it happened either. But (with apologies to @kanicbird), when I finally allowed myself to admit that I didn’t believe in God, the world truly made a lot more sense. A lot of fear and guilt fell away from me as well.
I have shared this before here. I was listening to a radio show in the car, it was more background noise than actually listening and something the speaker said caught my attention. He asked the host; " What happens when people fall in love?" And then he explained that when we fall in love, we actually fall in love with the way we feel about ourselves when in the presence of that special person. That was all I heard. I was 40 years old; my wife had filed for divorce because she was not in love with me, and I was devasted. As soon as I heard that I knew I had heard something that would profoundly change my life but I had no idea how profoundly and how far reaching it would be. I realized how futile it was always trying to prove my value to someone. I realized that I could apply this same logic to all relationships in my life, professional, family, social and romantic. It was so simple! I became a better listener and always made it a point to show appreciation for things that were important to the person I was talking to. I knew I would never be the world’s best lover, but I could easily make my lover feel like she was the worlds best lover! I could become a safe place for bosses, employees, customers or associates to share their ideas with someone who appreciated them. And most importantly it allowed me to be me.
I don’t know if this is sad or interesting…
My Wife and I married 27 years, have a fine life. Travel, cook took care of the home and our dogs and each other.
I started occasionally playing chess when say we where waiting for a plane at the airport. My wife be came interested. I taught her.
We now play 10-15 games a week while sitting at home listening to music. TV has taken a back seat for sure.
I’m not sure this is ‘clarity’ but my wife and I are discovering much about each other due to this. How we think. Bands I did not know she liked.
I was stunned that she liked chess so much. But she is an IronMan, so the competitiveness makes perfect sense.
Another instance of self-awareness happened when I was at the ten year point of my Navy career. I’d been stuck at E-5 for eight years because of quotas, had just finished a deployment to Guam, which is a shithole (IMO only), was pretty disgruntled and ready to bail. My attitude had turned south and alcohol consumption had gone up. Then out of the blue I was promoted and at the same time received a really plum assignment for shore duty. I made up my mind to become indispensable to my new command, which I did, earning a reputation for good leadership and dependability which preceded me to my future assignments. Basically, the clarity part was “either be the best at your job, or move the fuck on”, or in military parlance “lead, follow, or get out of the way”.
Making a good living from writing original music has always been a bad bet since way before Al. The stereotype of the starving musician has been around for hundreds of years. I don’t even bother.
However if you’re willing to invest a bit more time into honing your skills you could teach. My rate is 60 dollars an hour to teach piano, 80 dollars if I have to make a house which I seldom do because I don’t need the money that bad. I’m essentially self employed, teach whatever/whoever I want, and set my own hours. If a student diesn’t practice I cut them out of my schedule. It may not be glamorous but it beats the hell out of scrubbing dishes, being a corporate bean counter, being a professional bullet catcher, or any number of things people do to make ends meet.
Several years after my son and father died I found myself residing without joy in a liminal space.
I decided to start traveling.
It started slow at first but has blossomed into one of my favorite things in life.
But if they make you happy, who cares what AI is doing? I love music and writing myself, and I just do it for myself because, as you said, it makes me happy. I have birthed into the world something that didn’t exist before. Just the mere act of creation makes me happy, and no AI (a technology I actually love and use for brainstorming both these passions) is going to take that away from me. These are my babies. AI can’t make my babies.
You are a weird person: People don’t enjoy making, writing or creating music, didn’t you know?
Cite.
/s
As for the sudden burst of clarity in my life: I wish! Still waiting.
When I was 11 or 12 I recall having an epiphany (or near enough) that my parents could be assholes. Up until then I had a child’s view of my parents that they were infallible. I was fortunate that I had good parents (mostly). I know there are far worse but mine weren’t bad. So, it took some time but I recall that moment of realization to this day. It was unsettling to me.
This is probably not what the OP had in mind, but twice in the course of my mathematical research I have suddenly had a shockingly sudden burst of inspiration. The second time, I was lecturing on a subject that I was in the middle of writing a book about, summarizing about 5 years of research earlier in my career when a student asked a question. I said I would look into it and, in the process, wrote down a diagram (a technical term) and, the instant I wrote it down I realized that I had been looking at the entire subject (remember 5 years of my career) in the wrong way. Not only did it answer the student’s question, but I had to discard the draft of that book and start over.
I think for me, I’ve always been fairly blessed with being decisive. And when the right choice isn’t always obvious, I usually do this- set myself a decision date, and overanalyze to my heart’s content until then, then I just decide based on what I’m thinking at that point.
Here’s the reason it works for me- I know that if I can’t decide, there isn’t much to distinguish any of the choices, and I’ll most likely be similarly happy/disappointed with any or all of them, regardless of which I choose, and that I made the best choice I could. And realizing that many times, there isn’t any ONE best decision, just two ok ones, five good ones, or seven awful ones, and again, if one wasn’t obvious, then they’re all probably about equally bad/good/indifferent.
So I just choose, with that in mind. That thinking also helps with buyer’s remorse as well.
I don’t know that people really have “clarity” like you’re describing it, and maybe that’s part of the issue. For me, it’s more like some decisions are obvious, but many aren’t, and I’ve just developed a method(?) to choose and then not agonize over it.
You might want to look into CBT therapy as well; that might give you better insight into why you don’t have the clarity you want, and how to generate some of it.
Much like you, it’s rare that I am 100% unambiguously committed to a course of action or decision. Most decisions I make seem to be the results of some “cost benefit analysis” between two competing and equally viable (or lesser of two undesirable) choices. So I generally can’t provide many examples of getting “sudden bursts of clarity” in life. In spite of having achieved some degree of financial, professional, and personal success, like many people I find that I’m often plagued with doubts, second-guessing. rumination, anxiety, and general discontent.
Yeah, it would be great if someone could invent a Bradley Cooper “Limitless” pill that gave people unlimited clarity of purpose, drive, ability, and confidence. Sadly, no one has.
Or it might be nice to be one of those people who are so impassioned and dedicated to some particular calling that they can’t imagine doing anything BUT whatever that thing is.
Sent you a PM
Sure. Mania had a huge effect on my “clarity” back in the mid-80s, much like joining a cult or getting wrapped up in a conspiracy theory. But it wasn’t real, and I learned to accept that, albeit reluctantly. The magic high is hard to let go of, but it’s necessary if you’re going to survive in the real world.
Are you bipolar?
You could say that. Pretty lucid for many decades now.
This might sound like woo, but it works for me, so YMMV.
I’ve been going to therapy for depression for years, and I’m an atheist. I understand the physical and chemical reasons I have depression, and participating in group therapy has helped. I still felt a void in my life however, and couldn’t identify the cause.
I had thought that maybe religion is a positive effect, as long as it stays out of politics. Not so much for the sermonizing, but for the community and bonding. Still, saying “Thank you Jesus” felt like I was giving in to brainwashing, focusing my attention on something I had to accept on faith, not by reason. Plus, I can’t abide the hypocrisy of sinning, praying for forgiveness, and going back to sinning. Also, these holy words were written thousands of years ago, under circumstances entirely different from today’s environment. So, religion became something for me to avoid at all costs.
Maybe I’m suffering from spiritual void? Without a higher power to believe in, I’m alone.
A few years ago, I watched Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey, hosted by Neil deGrasse Tyson. He speculated on the origins of Earth, star dust essentially coalescing and forming chemical bonds throughout the countless millions of years of its development. I came to the realization the Universe created me. I can see the Universe. I don’t have to accept its existence as a matter of faith. It’s infinite, powerful, mysterious, everything God’s supposed to be. We’re always discovering something new about it, even on the subatomic level, stretching beyond what we thought was the defining level of life.
How about if I substitute “Universe” for “God”? I don’t have to live according to an archaic checklist of virtues, or risk damnation by questioning the nature of the Universe. I can live the rest of my life learning more about it, and not even scratch the surface.
Since then, I’ve felt better about myself. I still have issues, but I feel learning new things gives my life value. I’m still dismayed by the current US political situation, but realize it’s just a pixel in Earth’s timeline, and it will eventually change.
I’ve had many bursts of clarity since my autism diagnosis. They happen often now. Anybody posting here should consider the possibility. That led to me believing I deserve to be happy, acting on my desire to transition, and uncovering the trauma that’s the real source of the bad stuff in my psyche. Anybody who’s had a host of diagnoses that don’t quite fit, or a bunch of prescriptions that didn’t quite work, look into an autism assessment, and if you can’t get one, read austic people writing about their experiences.
No solutions, but I just want to say I am on the same path as you, @Velocity.
I hate it when at job interviews, or other situations, I am asked to talk about something that I am really passionate about. Because I never have been passionate about anything, personal or professional (or frankly even romantic). I have hobbies and interests. I have strong opinions on some stuff. But nothing that I’d describe as a passion.
I’ve worked at lots of places and seen the high-flyers. They are the people who can at least pretend that whatever specific corporate niche the company does is the thing that gives their life meaning. Well, I’ve never felt like that.
I am in the process of changing my given name, and creating an identity for myself. I am not only doing this because of scattered motivations but because I have also had self-esteem issues. I have many regrets, and I feel like I need to make a big change.
Anyway, sorry to make your thread into my tangent about me 
I was severely depressed from the onset of my teenage years until my mid 20s. It was only when I was about to kill myself that I reached out for help (I literally had a knife in one hand and the phone in the other hand).
Help consisted of therapy and a prescription for an SSRI. For nine months I went to therapy twice a week and took my pill every day. The therapist was useless [1][2] but one day I woke up and thought, “I spend all day worrying about things that never actually happen.” That was it. I went to my therapy appointment and told her that I didn’t need her anymore. I quit taking the pills a little while later. I have been fine ever since. I know that I was lucky that I didn’t regress. It was just such a clear change in my thinking that I knew that I was going to be ok.
[1] There was a lamp beside the chair where I sat. I hadn’t really noticed it until it had been gone for a few weeks and then reappeared. I asked, “Has this lamp always been here?” The response? “Do you think the lamp has always been there?” Sometimes a lamp is just a lamp, lady.
[2] One day she had a small bandage above her eyebrow. I didn’t comment on it because it seemed rude to ask. Halfway through the session she said, “You haven’t asked about the bandage.” “I thought it would be rude to ask.” “A normal person would have asked.”