There was this special on Fox last week, about how Columbus never really sailed to America. He really left Spain, sailed around a bit, got lost, landed off Calais, in France, and then went back to Spain, claiming to have found islands in the New World. But it was all a hoax, perpetrated by that wily Isabella.
First, you look at the photos and pictures of Colombus landing on what is supposed to be America. The sun is rising over the land in every photo! Now, if it were really America, the sun would be rising over the water, in the east. But if it were France, then the sun would be rising over the land, just like in the photos!
Second, notice that Columbus is walking on the sand. Careful analysis of that sand will show that it is not, in fact, Caribbean sand but French sand. Careful analysis of the grains will show this.
Furthermore, Columbus’s footprints on the sand are of someone wearing shoes. However, Columbus’s diary documents clearly that he TOOK OFF HIS BOOTS before wading ashore. So those footprints in the sand are clearly fake.
This is all a huge conspiracy on the part of the government of Spain to pretend that they should have owned much of South America. And this fraud has been perpetrated for hundreds of years! All those folks in South America and the Carribean who speak Spanish should rightly be speaking FRENCH. Or maybe Norwegian.
Of course, the supposed “Indians” he brought back with him obviously were of French origin too. Southern France, but France nonetheless.
But isn’t this in the wrong forum? There’s no question here that I can see; you and Fox are obviously correct. IMHO, there’s not even a legitimate debate here.
That Fox–always getting things messed up. For example, in tonight’s episode of Futurama, Bender identifies Leela as “human”, if you can believe that!
Instead of watching mind-rotting television, a better way to occupy your time is to read classic Straight Dope columns. For example, I think you’d find Why was America named after Amerigo Vespucci? both timely and informative. (It’s from The Straight Dope Tells All, in case they have a bookstore in the town where you live.)
I was watching The Green Berets last night and the sun rose in the wrong direction, just like it did for Columbus. The conclusion is obvious; Columbus landed in Vietnam. Which means he really did sail to Asia and America doesn’t really exist. Which means there is no place called the United States of America and John Kennedy couldn’t have been President of a fictituous country. So Oswald obviously couldn’t have been guilty of killing President Kennedy. It all ties together; proof positive that the Spanish Inquisition was behind the assassination cover-up.
Columbus never made it to america but he did invent photography on the trip which so impressed his benefactors that the next more successful expedition was undertaken anyway.
The only thing that surprises me about this thread is the number of posters who apparently couldn’t see that it was intended as a parody, or who have to make some serious comment about the choice of forum (which, admittedly, is a bit on the bizzare side for a moderator…).
Columbus didn’t reach the Western Hemisphere because he would have fallen off the edge had he tried. Everyone knows the world is flat, geesh.
He was thrashed, but privately. His bum is black and blue and his thumbs are in a cast. Let that be a warning to you!
I do agree with this statement however: All those folks in South America and the Carribean who speak Spanish should rightly be speaking FRENCH. And everyone in the USA should be speaking french too, instead of this hideous expletive-laden perverted version of german that some people call english.
But Arnold, they did speak French. Until CPO Chris Coulomb was transported back to the year 1492 during a mishap in the time-travel experiments performed off of Norfolk, VA in 1942. Don’t you see it? 1492… 1942!
When he discovered that the French were on the verge of North America, he shammed his way into command of a small expedition and got there first, thus saving America from only occasional bathing and Galloises.
Seeing some of the names involved, I wouldn’t want to make a bet on which ones actually didn’t get it, and which were just playing along (and some of whom seem to have whooshed you, BTW ;)).
And Dex is no mere moderator, he’s an ADMINISTRATOR, just one rank down from Cecil himself.
But I must admit I believe Columbus really made the voyage.
After all, he was a man with no map who stumbled around
until he landed somewhere and then said that was where he meant to go all along.
Sofaking, while your first two links served to promote your theory, the last link had me slightly
Also why would we want to be saved from welsh women? Or were you referring to the noxious cigarettes in the blue package? Then that would be Gauloises. See, if Louis XIV had had his way, you would have known how to spell that correctly.
