Did his friends call him Hank?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I don’t even know where to file this and perhaps I just need the opportunity to ramble here, please indulge me.

One of the clients I work with was in a car accident about a week ago. Three cars had stopped to let my guy across, one car didn’t. My guy totalled the car and he laughs when I joke about how tough he is to have taken on a sedan and come out of it with as few injuries as he has.

It has all turned out really well, there was no head or spinal injuries and a broken leg just takes time to heal. The driver of the car is facing numerous criminal charges.

But that is not what this about…

I went to pick our guy up at the hospital the other day and there was quite a long wait as he had to have dressings changed and a new cast made before they would let him go.

I sat and waited and couldn’t help but notice the nurses caring for the other guy in the room, I could hear them asking “Henry” to help them but I couldn’t understand much of what he was saying except him saying “wanna wrestle?” which drew laughs from the nurses. They finally got him up and into his wheelchair and when they pulled back the curtain I saw that Henry was a very old man. They talked to him but he really didn’t respond so I guessed that he either had Alzheimers or was the victim of a stroke. The ward we were in was for hip fractures so I guess he was there because of a fall and in that I was right. The nurses left and I walked over to where Henry was sitting and just started talking about how beautiful a day it was. He gave me a little smile.

An elderly woman walked in and at first I thought she was his daughter or sister, it turns out she was his wife of nearly sixty years. She kissed him on the head and held his hand, he simply lit up at her arrival and had a lot to say to her although I couldn’t make out all the words. She understood which is all that matters. She spent the next three hours taking care of him, reading him the paper, and holding his hand a lot. Henry seemed to enjoy this. We talked quite a bit and she was mostly concerned with my guy’s condition, I reassured her that he was going to be okay. She told me that she lived right across from the nursing home so she could take care of her husband. My 85 year old Aunt does the same for my uncle who has Alzheimers, she makes two 30 mile trips a day to make sure he is taken care of as he doesn’t respond to anyone but her. These are people who took the “until death does us part seriously” long before most of us were born.

Henry’s sister also came by, she was a spry girl of 82 and she told me quite a bit about her big brother as we sat there. She said he was the best big brother any girl could have had while they were growing up on the farm. She also told me that Henry farmed up until he went off to fight in World War 2. He and his wife couldn’t have any children so it has always has been the two of them. She said they have had a wonderful life together, travelling a great deal and happy in each other’s company, every day, for nearly sixty years. Just a week ago Henry and his wife had been out for walks together and I picture them strolling together, hand in hand, enjoying our beautiful spring weather.

I think that Henry must have been and still is a hell of a guy to receive so much admiration and devotion from these ladies. I thought that his friends must have called him Hank. When you make it to 85 I don’t think too many of your friends are still around to celebrate your birthdays.

The image of Henry’s wife taking care of him has been sticking in my mind. It saddens me that she has to live without her companion of a lifetime and that someday it will be just her, alone.

It also made me remember how much my own grandmother missed my grandfather after 55 years of marriage.

I wonder what it will be like should Lola and I enjoy the next fifty years together, would it be better to be the one who goes first or be the one left behind?

2

Gee, that’s morbid- and it probably isn’t a choice any of us will be able to make.

My Grandma missed my Grandpa for two years after he died, and finally followed him, at 98.

Even Carlos Casteneda had to dance with his own mortality when Death came in from his left and took him. So dance with Death now, make him your friend, and avoid regrets at the last minute.

3

I didn’t realize that this might be a morbid question. Just some observations that border on the melancholy side or a little philosophical musing on my part I guess…

Death is even more sure a thing than taxes isn’t it?

4

Well, if I had the following preset
both you and your SO are ready to go, not meaning the suicide route but you’ve lived a long life and you just don’t have the energy anymore and you truely love her (or him)

I feel that it would be terribly sad to be the remaining one. I know I take care of my grandmother who lost her husband 9 years ago and she’s basically spent all that time waiting to die to be with him.

so I would rather go second to spare the woman I love the pain and heartache of being alone.

Although if I could really get my wish I’d have us go at the same time, at night was we slept side by side.

5

I’m reminded of the final verse to the Elvis Costello song, “Veronica,” written about his grandmother, I believe:

“Veronica sits in her favorite chair and she sits
very quiet and still.
And they call her a name that they never get
right and if they don’t, then nobody else will.”

It’s a sad/lovely song.

Sir Rhosis

6

My wish is a meteor takes out Mrs. Pinky & myself when we’re out climbing…(although the way we climb, the meteor my be superflous)

7

Feynn

I recommend that you read “The Notebook” by (I think) Nicholas Sparks. I started crying a few pages into it and cried all through the rest of the book…but it was a GOOD kind of crying, you know?

My parents were married almost 58 years when my mom died of cancer. My dad is a survivor, or I am sure he would have followed her in short order. That book…well, I think you would recognize Hank and his wife in there. I sure recognized my parents.

I hope and pray that you and Lola continue to laugh and love together for at least as long as my parents did…longer even.

Scotti

8

Maybe. My own grandmother was one of those people–daily 45 minute drives to and from the nursing home to be with my grandfather, who didn’t respond much at all to anyone. But she loved him, she was going to be there for him no matter what it took. We all expected that he would die before her. When she was diagnosed with cancer, she refused to believe that she would die before him, she was determined that she wouldn’t leave him alone, no matter what. She hung on as best she could, but in the end the cancer defeated her. Grandpa is still with us, physically at least, and family visits him regularly.

If there’s any moral to the story, I’d say it’s be there for your loved ones today and give them what you have to give now, because in the end there’s really no planning for the future.

9

((((lestrange))))

So true, and so profound.

Since I lost my mom, I am SO much more aware of the fact that the people I love so much may not be here tommorow. I cherish them now, much more than I ever did before. And now, I tell them.

You know, I always loved them, but I took them for granted. I didn’t say it ofton enough. I never thought about it, but I guess I figured they knew because of the things I DID for them.

Now, I say it. I say it ofton, and I say it strong.

Just one more wonderful thing that my mother did for me. Even in dying, she taught me to love better.

I LOVE YOU MOM!

Scotti