Did I do the right thing?

SO got a gift/prize at a baby shower. (Coffee cup, this shape, different graphics.) The coworker who gave it to her turned out to be talking smack (at work) behind her back. SO’s feelings are easily hurt, so she threw the mug in the trash.

I dislike waste. There was nothing intrinsically wrong with the cup, which she’d only used a few times. So I fished it out after she went to bed, washed it, and gave it to Compass Housing Alliance (charity). (I waited to give it away until after the trash had been picked up, in case she changed her mind.) I’m feeling a little guilty about retrieving the cup, since she meant for it to be thrown away. OTOH, as far as she knows it’s resting in a landfill now; and some homeless person, person getting a fresh start from Compass, or a Compass staff member will make use of a useful item.

Should I have strictly abided by my SO’s intentions? Or is it OK that I subverted her intentions to put the unwanted hateful mug to good use?

You know your SO the best, of course. But if it were my wife, she probably wouldn’t care about what really happened to the cup three months later (or maybe even three days later), so I wouldn’t have any qualms about it.

Other. It’s just a stupid cup, why worry about it so? Either way would have been fine.


I voted Other, just so I can see the poll results.

I don’t see a problem, since she didn’t go out and try to fish it out before the trash got hauled. And someone gets a mug!

Her objective in throwing it away was to be shed of the reminder of the pain. Accomplished.

Your objective in retrieving it and sending it on was to make the world a little better. Accomplished.


I’d talk to her about what you did. It’s not a big deal, but you’re lying to her by omission right now, and lies and relationships don’t go well together.