Situation: Coworker A was sitting in the office next to me in place of Coworker B, who is absent for the day. In passing I remarked that “as long as some thin blond girl is sitting there it makes no difference who it is” (both coworkers happen to fit that description). The coworker in question make some sort of joking response - somehow I forget what it was - which made me realize to my horror that “thin blond girl” is a stereotype of “attractive girl”, which would put an entirely different spin on what was actually was a completely innocent remark. I said “oh my goodness, I just realized what that sounded like”, to which the girl responded jokingly “I’m taking it as a compliment”, and I replied that it meant nothing at all.
Question: how bad is that? And if someone said that who had no history of flirting or anything of the sort, would you believe the guy that it was meant innocently or would you assume otherwise?
Doesn’t seem like you have much to worry about. She said she took it as a compliment, which means she didn’t take offense at it. For me, unless someone has a history of making offensive remarks, I like to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they didn’t mean anything offensive by it. My advice? just let it drop, unless someone else says something to you about it, in which case you can explain what you really meant.
“meant it innocently or some other way”? What other way?
Are you so beaten down by the feminist movement that to even acknowledge that you may be just slightly heterosexual and thus attracted to women is seen by you as forbidden?
I imagine just about everybody has made an innocent comment but after a few beats realized it could be taken another way. IMO it’s no big deal at all. Let’s face it, just about any casual comment could be misinterpreted, depending on the listener’s bent. Heck, there are plenty of “that didn’t come out the way I meant it” moments in life too.
You immediately caught the possible “other” interpretation and made clear what you DID intend. IMO you made no faux pas. At the very worst interpretation it was the tiniest conversational blip that you instantly set straight. No harm, no foul, no faux pas and nothing to worry about.
I’m trying to see the “other way,” the neutral way, to interpret it, other than as a compliment. Were you saying that the women were interchangeable, and so long as they appeared superficially the same you didn’t care who was actually there? Because I can see a person saying something like that totally innocuously, but allow me to point out it ain’t exactly a compliment to either of the women.
Frankly I’d probably prefer the girl think I was making some allusion to her attractiveness, rather than have her think that I didn’t care who was there so long as a certain body type showed up.
Naw, Jodi, I see how it could be a neutral comment.
I once had a job where I was replacing someone with the same first name as me. People made all sorts of lighthearted jokes about that–saying that being named “Elizabeth” was somehow necessary for doing the job. When the first Elizabeth came back for a visit, she joked that she must have been so good at the job that they felt that they had to get another Elizabeth.
I think Izzy was just making a joke on the same theme.
I think it was a actually a little bit of a faux pas because it’s not usually such a good idea to comment on a co-workers appearance. But I think that by correcting yourself immediately, you showed that it it was meant innocently. I highly doubt she was offended.
I can see it, as casual “Dilbert cow-orker” toss off. To be honest, that’s how I read it orginally.
There’s a stranger in the chair, do a slight double-take, quip about similarities to pass over the moment while still offering a greeting…then realize it could be taken more personally. Y’know, sort of a conversational double-take when spotting a new fellow cubicle critter instead of the expected one.
It could be a freighted comment but in a synapse-follows-speech moment, the neutral interpretation is natural. In those few, lightning fast “huh?” seconds, it’d be perfectly understandable to get conversationally muddled over a greeting. “Hi there…oh, you aren’t…oops…but you look like…ahem, hi anyway.”
Sure, VEB, and I understand that. I don’t think IZZY was thinking the comment through much at all, and I’m not being critical of him either way. I’m just pointing out that “as long as some thin blonde girl is sitting there it makes no difference who it is” is not a hugely complimentary thing to say, even taking out of it any unintended innuendo. So I guess on that basis I wouldn’t sweat the small possibility she took it the “wrong,” (flattering) way, because even taken the “right” way it wasn’t IZ’s shining moment of conversational brilliance.
But those throw-away “oh, hi, whoever you are” comments hardly ever are, and we all make them. It was, as you say, a “conversational hiccup,” and I wouldn’t sweat it either way.
Thanks a lot, folks. I should clarify that Coworker A (to whom I made the remark) is not a stranger by any means - we’ve been working in the same division here for over 5 years - she just happened to plunk herself down in someone else’s office for whatever reason. And there is some amount of lighthearted banter that goes around. To say “you guys both look the same anyway so I don’t notice the difference who is here”, while not exactly a “shining moment of conversational brilliance”, as Jodi points out, is within the range of what passes for humor around here. OTOH, to say “as long as I have an attractive girl next door to me I’m OK” is stretching it, at the very least.
I am not concerned about any negative consequences; as mentioned she took it in stride, and she is a very nice person in any event. Nonetheless, when I first realized what I had said I felt like a complete and total idiot. Afterwards I started to think that maybe I should only feel like a semi and partial idiot. Which seems to be the general consensus.
If the co-worker in question had taken offence, she would be in serious need of a sense of humour implant! I had no idea things had gotten so bad on your side of the pond - whenever I’ve had office jobs, the only thing that’s gotten me through the day is flirting with co-workers!
