Unfortunately, she really did tell me to fuck off. The the room went dead silent. My manager & the other co-worker stared at me, I stared at the AA and she pretended I wasn’t there. I laughed and said “Excuse me?” She said “You heard me. That was a really obnoxious comment.” So I responded by saying that my intention was not to offend; however, if she had a problem with me personally that she should speak to me about it in private and I wasn’t going to get into a fight with her over it because it really wasn’t worth it. She didn’t respond, the room again went silent for a moment (awkward pause), then it was business as usual.
I spoke to her about it last night, by the way. She was really nice to me for the rest of the day, and she asked if she could walk me to the garage. So I asked her what the problem was, and she said she was just moody. So I said I’d appreciate it if she wouldn’t take her moodiness out on me. She just said “huh,” and we kept walking.
Why don’t you just completely ignore this person? Don’t try to resolve any issues, just treat her problem with you as her problem. Be friendly, but don’t try to “be her friend”. The less energy you put into the situation the better.
Wow. So much to say, so little time. This girl is going to blind side you like a bus. A walk to the parking garage, where no one can verify what was said or what happened? I wonder what spin she’s putting on this as she emails her friend in HR. Maybe she’ll say “This creepy guy followed me…I think he’s stalking me.” Maybe she said “He made a pass at me, and though I told him I wasn’t interested, he didn’t seem to listen. He scares me…”
This girl is not your friend, she doesn’t want you as a friend. She likes power and she’s about to get power over you Big time. You should never be in a room alone with her…always have someone there who can verify what really happened. And never interact with her after work or outside the office, no matter who initiates it. Ever.
Look, I’ve been where you are. I’ve been the ‘nice guy who finished last’. I got blind-sided…and I’m trying to help you so that you don’t go through what I had to. Yes, I managed to land on my feet, but in this economy do you really want to be suddenly looking for work? I’m being totally straight with you. Please listen.
That sucks that you had such a horrible experience. I don’t think I’ll get in quite that deep. I should probably clarify - I’m a girl, and I’m engaged, so I don’t think that I’ll have to be worried about harassment. Well, not sexual anyway. The only one of us who would attack the other is her, and it’d be a catfight. She wouldn’t necessarily do that to me, 'cause if she started one, all I’d have to do is sit on her and I’d win! But she’s really cruel to a lot of the secretaries and has made several people cry. Needless to say, she has a really bad temper. She brags about it and has also boasted about being in fistfights in high school. She just got out of college, so this is her first job, and she’s used to being the princess, so she gets mad when people give her work, unless it’s the manager, of course, and the other woman in our department who has developed a strong mother-daughter relationship with her. I think what I need to worry about most is back-stabbing. I’ve already been stabbed in the back a couple of times by this girl. And she’s situated herself very well. There are only four of us in the department - my manager, who doesn’t want to deal with it, and the other lady, who thinks of this girl as her daughter. I’m the only one of the three of them who doesn’t go out drinking on a regular basis, and we have different senses of humor, so they have this buddy-buddy thing going on, so our AA is pretty much impervious to anything (except warnings) as long as she doesn’t try to kill anyone.
Therefore, I guess I’ll just have to assume the worst about her and hope I don’t yell at her. It just makes me sad that I’d have to treat another human being as though they were some lowlife looking for any way to injure me professionally. I think that’s bullshit, but, if ya gotta, ya gotta.
If I offended you, I’m sorry. You’re right, a change of gender changes everything. Still, she’s disrespecting you publicly and your bosses may be watching how you’ll handle this. I still say play it conservatively, by the numbers…but then I’m still gun-shy.
Please don’t think that I wished anything less than the best to you and yours. I’m looking forward to hearing how you resolved the situation.
No offense taken at all! I’m pretty gun-shy, too. I’m not accustomed to having to stick up for myself publicly, particularly not in front of co-workers. And like I said - I’m not all that great at it, either. Hell, I used to burst into tears when I got mad. Fortunately I’ve gotten over that (for the most part anyway). It’s hard to be assertive when your face is all splotchy and red.