Did somebody say "Harry Chapin"?

The Sock’s in the Straight Dope

Two posters arrived just the other day,
They came to the boards in the usual way:
Guy on IRC says “I know this place,
Where U can go 2 B a fukin’ disgrace.”
So they fired up their browsers and they get screen names,
And thus begin the moderator’s pains, yeah.
Thus begin the moderator’s pains…

When they log onto Straight Dope and they get to work,
“Little Boy Blew” and “The Circular Jerk”.
“When they gettin’ banned?” “Friend, the Mod is here,
These two dips’ demise is near.
The Mod’ll send 'em out of here.”

You’d think that’s the end, but we’ve just begun.
One says, “Kewl, that kicked ASS!!! and was lotz of fun.”
“Can we piss off the Mod any other ways?
This’ll keep me entertained for days.”
And the Mod cracks a beer in another town,
His face frozen into a frown, man,
As these two dipshits come back around…

And they’ve got new screen names, but the Mod ain’t dumb,
“ThyWillBDumb” and “ThyKingdomCum”.
They posted plans on Fathom and the Mod was there,
He pulled out what’s left of his hair,
And BAN! The socks are gone in thin air

There was a post on GD just the other day,
It said “Jesus hates every person who’s gay”
It was full of swears, the F-bomb was dropped,
Mod shook his head, and he said "This must stop.
"What I’d really like, socks, is your heads on a plate,
“With a heaping side order of hate.”

As they came back to Straight Dope, and behaved like nuts,
“Arnold Palm-her Breasts” and “11inchputz”.
Three strikes, you’re out, and we shout with glee,
As the Mod blocks their ISP, yeah,
The Mod blocks their ISP.

The Mod has retired, he lives all alone.
Nobody visits at the nursing home.
When Matlock is over, he goes to the drawer,
Just like he did on the day before.
And he takes out a sock and it goes on his hand,
And they chatter to beat the band.
They chatter to beat the band.
And the story comes down to its O. Henry end,
A sock is a Mod’s best friend, yeah,
The sock is that Mod’s best friend.

But the moral of the story is “Don’t be a Jerk,”
Idiots just cause the Mods extra work.
Are they gonna strike next and when and where?
Sock’s better be aware, man,
'Cuz you know the Mod will soon be there.

-The Man Who

::throws rose petals delightedly at The Man Who::

Marvelous. Simply marvelous.

Wonder if we could use this as the SDMB Anthem?

Great stuff here, The Man Who. Really, really great stuff.

Now, when I hear that stupid song, I’ll smile and think of sock puppets.

[Joel Hodgson voice] Thank you The Man Who [/Joel Hodgson voice]

(Walks off, humming, “When they log onto Straight Dope.” . . .)

That was great.

Cool, but could you do the same thing with “50 thousand pounds of Bananas”??

It’s thirty thousand pounds. I’ll have mine mashed, please.

Really, though, it seems to me that Dog Town is just itching for a similar treatment.

Dear god, that was brilliant.

Brilliant, I tell you, brilliant.