You want MPSIMS? You got it. Pieces of this have been rattling around my tiny brain for some time, but I was prompted to flesh it out by this recent thread. Except I can’t post it there; it got locked for blowing up on the launchpad.
Straight Dope MBs
to “Summer Nights” from Grease (like that ain’t obvious!)
*Guy and girl posters:*
Straight Dope postin’, CRT glow
Straight Dope postin’, why was it so slow?
Guess they were working on the T line
Just stayed patient and we made out fine
Straight Dope site, faster access at night
But, oh, those Straight Dope MBs
*Teeming millions:*
Well-a, well-a, well-a, uh!
Tell me more, tell me more
Did you search ere your post?
Tell me more, tell me more
Or were you newbie roast?
*Guy and girl posters:*
We registered, picked cool usernames
Sneaked on at work, it was kind of a game
Learned how to bold, bullet and such
How to add smilies for just the right touch 
Straight Dope thread, the things that we said
But, oh, those Straight Dope MBs
*Teeming millions:*
Well-a, well-a, well-a, uh!
Tell me more, tell me more
Did you mock Little Ed?
Tell me more, tell me more
Did they lock up your thread?
*Guy and girl posters:*
We hijacked threads whenever we could
Linked to porn sites that we thought were good
Broke copyrights, flamed like it was hell
Said things we never would IRL
Straight Dope mods wield the power of gods
But, oh, those Straight Dope MBs
*Teeming millions:*
Well-a, well-a, well-a, uh!
Tell me more, tell me more
Did you troll and pick fights?
Tell me more, tell me more
Did you hack into the site?
*Guy and girl posters, now slow and melancholy:*
No more warnings, that’s where it ends
That’s when they banned us, with our sock friends
Guess we deserved it, we’ve made our peace
Just wish we could have met Uncle Cece
Straight Dope rule: admins won’t suffer fools
But, OH! Those Straight Dope eMMMMM-BEEEEEEZZZ!
*Teeming millions, big finish:*
Tell me more, tell me more, oh ohh, oh ohhhhhh!
::Can’t believe anyone’s read this far; runs away while dodging overripe fruit::