I just finished Baloo’s thread on Characters and Child Psychology and it brought to mind a question for all of you SDers who are parents…What was the most embarrassing thing that your kids ever did to you? Because I have a ton of them but let me relate the best one.
When my youngest boy David was a wee lad one day he had to go to the bathroom and pee. Well mom helped him out and when he was done he needed help to get the zipper up. My wife didn’t see that a small portion of the tip of his penis was still sticking out and promptly zipped up the zipper. (Rest period for all the guys reading this to recover from the thought of that happening to them)Well the poor fellow let out a howl and of course my wife did everything possible to console him. And he said “Mommy will you kiss it and make it better?” And she said,“Sorry David I can’t do that” and just under her breath she made the mistake of saying “Now if it was your father, that might be another story”, not thinking he heard her.
Well the next day David goes to the baby sitter. And she has some of her family over for company. In the middle of all of these people, David pipes up "Guess what Della (the baby sitter). “What David?” “My mommy kisses my daddy’s penis all the time!!!” I had to pick David up from the baby sitter that evening and when I showed up everyone who was left burst out laughing when I walked in the door. And when they told my why, I was flabbergasted…and red in the face…whew… Now folks , let’s hear yours.
My son has made it his life’s work to embarass me (and I of course return the favor).
Age two and a half, acting up in a store, I lean over and ask “do you want me to tell Santa that you’re being naughty?” He says, "no, I’ll do it, then yells at the top of his lungs “HEY SANTA, I’M BEIN NAUGHTY”
Age 2, he spotted a neighbor that had ‘tattled’ on him, he yells out the window “HEY LADY< I DON’T LIKE YOU”.
Age 2, I took him to the doctor for a ear infection, they found another small problem around his penis, the ‘fix’ wasn’t a comfortable thing. We left to go to the store to fill his prescription. He stripped in the shopping cart.
That’s without him really attempting to cause me embarassment. He’s now 16 and has incentive. 'nuff said.
Last week, my wife and I were on BART with our 3 year old. He looked at a very large person standing right beside us and said in a loud voice “look dad, he’s fat”.
Mr. Rilch was about four years old. His mom had taken him to the doctor, and after the appoinment, she was trying to buckle him into his kiddie seat, in the waiting room. Little Mr. Rilch, hating to be confined, started shrieking “Don’t belt me, Mommy! Don’t belt me!” She gave up trying to get him into the kiddie seat and just booked out with him in one arm and the seat in the other.
I don’t remember this, but when I was real little, my dad had a '57 Chevy (!) that he was trying to refurbish. When we hit hard times, he sold it as was to another enthusiast. He tells me that when one prospective buyer came to look at it, I said, “Are you going to buy the Chevy?”
“I’d like to.”
“You’ll have to take the wasps’ nest out.”
The real tragedy is that my dad had already gotten the wasps’ nest out, but my toddler perception hadn’t noticed.
I don’t have kids, but my mom embarasses me plenty!
My boy Scott called one night. He asked to speak to me, her answer? “She’s feeling kinda sick, she’s been puking all night. I’ll tell her you called.” The worst part? I wasn’t even home. She was being ‘cute’.
She likes to flirt with my friend Steven. (Or maybe he flirts with her, I haven’t decided which yet). I’ll walk in, she’ll have a big smile on her face, typing away. “Who’re you talking to?” “Muffinman”. D’oh! Muff, I’ve sad it before, I’ll say it again-LEAVE MY MOMMY ALONE!!! That’s just sick.
She also moved us across the country on a whim, putting us in the middle od rural Massachusetts. Seriously, we don’t even get a mall for a good 20 miles! But it’s ok, at least we could be close to some internet guy she was talking to 3 years ago. They’ve since had a fight and not spoken again. Try explaining that one to your friends…they all think my mom’s on some kind of drugs
I’ve related this story before, but it fits so well here.
When my kids were about 4 I picked them up from pre-school where they just had the “police are your friends” lesson. So, we’re walking and I accidently and quietly broke wind. My daughter started yelling at the top of her lungs.
“Police! Arrest Mommy! Mommy farted, Mommy farted! Police!”
When they were even younger they liked to blow out my matches whenever I lit a cigarette. They both would jump up and down with excitement and chant: “Give me blow, Mommy. I want blow!”
I think they were both just dying to see me in handcuffs.
My daughter was six years old at the time, we were going through the drive through of a hamburger joint. The person at the window was just like “Pat” from SNL. You didn’t know if they were male or female. My daughter stares intently at the person and then asks me in a loud voice “Hey dad, is that a man or a woman?”. Of course “Pat” was in their window and right next to our window when this happened.
Oh - forgot that one- son was about 6, very accustomed to handling his own transactions at stores etc. He approached a counter and said “excuse me sir” several times, the person ignored him . I noticed, took him aside and whispered, “that’s a woman”. Is there anything louder than a child’s voice saying “You’re kiddingthats’ a woman?”
since i dont have kids i’ll post on my mother’s behalf:
we were out to dinner at a nice restaurant one evening. i was around three or four, and our waitress was, it seems, quite large. as i had already picked up a habit of pointing out the uncomfortably obvious, my mom whispered to me “now, Little Sneeze, dont say anything about this waitress being big, because it might hurt her feelings.” being the obedient child that i was, i refrained from making a weight-related comment when the waitress arrived to take out order, and instead inquired, in my best ‘outside voice,’ “mommy, why are her nipples so big?”
I don’t have kids, but my mom embarasses me plenty!