Today I was shopping with my kids and the 3 yr. old boy, who’s just getting potty trained, smiles and says hi to the cashier. The cashier says hi back. My boy announces “I’m wearing underwear!” “Oh, ok,” the cashier says, a bit wearily.
“Let me show you!” my boy declares, and does before I can stop him.
AGGHH!!! I suppose there are much more embarassing things, but he dropped his pants in the middle of the store to show off his underwear. This same boy declares his love for strangers and always tries to hug and kiss the delivery guys when we order food.
Ah yes, the joys of child-rearing. I remember my five-year old sitting in the front of the church watching the priest drinking the wine and announcing in that piercing tone that only five-year olds can muster “He sure is thirsty!” The priest actually started choking on the wine in an effort not to spew it all over the parishoners. Luckily, he was pretty good natured about it all.
One of the fields I play softball on is not equipped with facilities. After a game, my boy, also 3 and potty training, said he needed to go potty. I said that we’d have to pee in the woods like big boys. He said “I need to poo.” Well, that was an experience. We found a clearing in the wooded area surrounding the field, and I stripped him except for his shoes. He bent over, went a little, stood up, took a few steps forward, bent over, went again, etc. I swear the kid was mapping out his turf. Finally, when he was done, I realized that I forgot to bring wipes. There were some big leaves which I was (almost) positive weren’t poison anything, so I cleaned off the bulk with leaves, then used his pull up for the rest. All was going well, until he announced there was one more coming. Fortunately, it was a cool night, and I had a t-shirt on under my jersey. I used that to clean up the last bit, and got him dressed. He had to go commando for the ride home, but he was ok. He wouldn’t let us leave the clearing until we covered his stuff with more of those big leaves, and then he ran back across the field, calling out “Mommy!! I pooped like a doggy!!” He told all the teachers at his day care, his grandparents, and just about anyone else who would listen for the next few days.
And then there was my daughter proudly announcing at a dinner table full of guests that she had learned that the difference between a squid and and octopus was that the squid has more testicles. Thought I was going to stroke out.
When my cousin was just learning to talk, she and her parents had made a trip to the grocery store. She started screaming “shit” at the top of her lungs. Of course, the parents are absolutely mortified, but can’t stop laughing. My cousing takes the laughter to mean she’s doing a good thing, and starts screaming even louder.
My uncle still almost cries from laughter when he tells the story
Teehee!!! I use the “memories” feature at LiveJournal to keep track of the silly things that Dominic says… http://tinyurl.com/gofg
Btw: My dog poops like that, Casey. It pisses me off, because my neighbors get all cranky because there is so much poop in our yard, but it’s not that we haven’t cleaned it up in days, it’s that he leaves 4-5 piles EVERY TIME!
My 4 year old (5 tomorrow!) tells his mommy everything he does. Way more than she wants to hear, believe me. One time, we were in a hurry, fixing to go somewhere. Naturally, he needed to go to the bathroom, so he went. I, being in a hurry, decided to kill two birds with one stone and go, too. Father and son, pissing away. So he finishes, then bounds downstairs and shouts to his mom (loud enough for the neighbors to hear) “Mommy, Mommy, Daddy and I made an X out of our peepee!”
:o
Daughter was about three at the time. We were checking out at the grocery store. Cashier was a little on the heavy side. Daughter starts out having a nice conversation with cashier…and then asks…“Why are you SO FAT?!” I felt like melting into the floor.
Son was about two, but quite verbose and was a fairly good talker. Problem was, he couldn’t quite pronounce some words correctly. I arrive at daycare and the provider pulls me aside, straining mightily hard not to laugh, I might add. Provider had a deck. Seeing as how we live in the Pac NW, slugs are very common here. Son was trying to explain how mommy got rid of, get this…“fucks on the dick”. Daycare provider could not believe her ears and ask him to repeat it. So, he did. Nobody could understand what he was trying to say and my poor son was really, really getting annoyed. The more annoyed he became, the louder he said it. My daughter, who was five at the time, finally explained that he was TRYING to say, “Slugs on the deck”. Fortunately my daycare provider was a warm, loving, and humorous individual.
and finally, daycare misadventure again. Daycare provider had the kiddos draw pictures of their parents. So, I arrive to pick them up. Daycare provider took one look at me upon my arrival and just started roaring with laughter. I could not figure out what was going on. Finally, she gets herself under some semblance of control and presents the picture my daughter drew. Mom and Dad in bed, sheet and blanket pulled up, BUT there were Mom’s big breasts sticking out over the top of the sheet, with NIPPLES!:eek:
