The obits of Reagan and Ray Charles both mentioned that they “died surrounded by family and friends,” purportedly a good thing.
Me, I’m like dying elephants and Garbo—I vant to be alone. I don’t like people hovering around when I am sick or depressed or even tired. I certainly don’t want people crowding by my deathbed (“Is she still alive?” “Look, she’s drooling!” “Is she dead yet?”). I want to die alone and full of morphine, thanks.
Am I the only one?
I was wondering about this, or at least something similar, this morning. I wasn’t thinking of the point of view of the dying, but rather from the point of view of the “friends and loved ones.”
Uh, I don’t want to hang around and watch a friend die. If the circumstances were strange, and I was the only one there to offer comfort to the dying, then maybe. But what happens at these “surrounded by friends and loved ones” occassions? “Ray’s dying, sweetheart. Phone up the gang. Oh, and call the caterer, too. We should have some refreshments.”
The only people I’d really want to be with when they were dying would be family members I have a particularly close, intense relationship with, like my husband, and possibly my sister or my mother. And I certainly wouldn’t want to be rubbing elbows with a mob while it happened.
As for my own final breath, I’ll be honest; I don’t want to be totally alone. If someone I love has the strength to be there to hold my hand, that’d be great.
But no caterers.
: over the mgaphone:
"Give up the ghost, Gipper. We’ve got you surrounded. "
Well, just so long as you let us know first so we don’t wonder where you went…
I, personally, want to get struck by lightning or a meteor, something where nobody can try and take any blame for it or think they could have prevented it. One second: me; next second: smoking hole in the ground.
'course, it’ll be tricky telling you guys about it ahead of time… “So long, folks; I’m feeling especially conductive today. I’ll quite likely be gone in the morning.”
Depends on how I’m dying.
If it’s in a hail of gunfire some select family members around me would be fine by me.
I wonder why the article didn’t mention what he died of.
If a disease can take out RAY CHARLES what hope do the rest of us have?!?!?!?!
Would it be okay with you if 3 or four of my family members dropped by as well? 
I don’t know if I want people gawking at me when I go, but I don’t want to be so isolated that it takes weeks before someone knows I’ve turned into a rotten corpse.
What monstro said. I value privacy (hell, I live like a hermit!), but I wouldn’t want my last indelible impression on the planet to be the bad smell emanating from Apt. 2-B.
Maybe we should start a thread: “What five members of your family would you send on a trip with Zebra to a shooting range?”
Or would that be violating the “Wishing death on people” rule?
No problemo…just get yourself a coupla dogs.
It would be a different smell, but still a bad one.
Naa, I won’t be going alone. It’s like I always tell my wife: “I’ll love you 'til the way we die” (best spoken in a tone balanced between slightly ominous and slightly manic). It’s important not to overemphasize the “we”. 
I want to be awake and surrounded by loved ones when the time comes. With my last breath, I want to reach out, touch someone…
Shout “You’re it!” then die.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather…
…not screaming and hysterical like the passengers in his car.
They can surround me, as long as they do it from the next room.
I’m afraid that I will end up like my Father-In-Law who was an active person until the last 18 months of his life. He suffered a stroke and wilted away in bed at home until the end. My choice for the perfect way is to simply die one night during sleep. I had a co worker who was active up until his fateful night.
A-hem. I think the thing you’re supposed to shout is “Gotcha ya!”
I’m not one to appreciate much attention when I am ill. I admit though that when I have isolated myself because I am ill, I greatly appreciate it when someone dear to to me, hubby, son or mother, brings me something to sip or offers a fresh pillow case or damp face cloth, as long as they don’t do it often and don’t try to chat with me. I’m pretty sure that upon death, I’d want neither to be totally alone, nor would I want to be “surrounded.”
That said, when the doctors took ToddlerSthrnAccent treatment and placed him on “pain management” and said he was to be transferred to ICU until he died, I was frantic and vomiting, not so much because of the news. I’d understood for a day or three before they came out and said it that they were no longer trying to cure. I was violently ill at the thought that they were taking him back to ICU where parents are not allowed 24 hour access and that he would die alone. During an earlier stay in ICU I had become exhausted in the night and everyone else had gone home. So I waited until I thought he was asleep and tip toed out, telling the nurse that if he awakened I was going to lay down out in the waiting room for a nap for a bit. Next day some parents of a child in the next unit told me he had awakened shortly after I left and cried for nearly an hour and the nurse didn’t comfort him and didn’t come get me. I was furious when it happened and frantic that he not be left alone without a familiar comforting presence again. When I refused to let them transfer him back to ICU, they offered to move him to a hospice. I declined that offer and requested we be sent home. It took me a day or two to learn the things they wanted before they would release him to go home, but I did. Sure enough, when he did die, it was during a time that was not visiting hours even for the in room parent in the hospital. A dear friend had delivered dinner moments before and just left, hubby was visiting with our very dear next door neighbors, our other son was standing near my side, the nurse was in his bedroom (at my request) staying out of the familys way unless there was something specific she was supposed to do for ToddlerSthrnAccent. The house was quiet by not empty, he was home to die, but it wasn’t really a “death watch” with people standing around the bed waiting. I had read a childrens book and explained to oldest that youngest was dying and explained that when people are dying it’s sometimes helps to say I love you’s and goodbye’s. He told his brother that he’d been a good little brother and that he loved him. Youngest was was in my arms being rocked gently. His breathing changed and I realized what was happening (even though the doctors had said it would be between four days and four weeks just that morning) that these were his last breaths, my mind and heart went wild with the panic and terror, but I realized just as quickly that I could not come undone with one child in my arms and one right there next to me. I’ll spare you the details of the next few minutes and just say that as heart breaking as it is to have a child die, I do have some comfort in knowing that he wasn’t alone and he was in a familiar place as comfortable as we could make him surrounded by familiar things, people and goings ons.
Well, you done right by ToddlerSthrnAccent, that’s for sure–that was the best way for you and him (if one can use “best” under the circumstances).
But it’s different for an adult, and certainly for me–I have no family, no home, no one close enough to me that I’d not rather be alone.