I know someone (between “acquaintance” and “good friend”) who has had a cancer relapse and is probably terminal. In addition to visiting him at the hospital, I’d like to send a card or something.
Apparently, even Hallmark hasn’t quite developed a mass-produced card for this sort of situation.
“Get well soon” seems wildly inappropriate, not to mention extremely unlikely at this point.
“Sympathy” is most certainly premature
I’m thinking about making a card - he’s quite the model-maker, airplane builder (not just model - he’s been working on a full-size, two-seat biplane, too) and so forth so would certainly appreciate a handmade object.
Hmm… any suggestions? Particuarly for words to put within - visual themes aren’t too difficult in this case, as I’m familar with several of his interests.
Something along the lines of “thinking of you” or “you mean a lot to me”? Not those words exactly, but that type of sentiment? Maybe a few lines from a poem you like, or a quotation about adversity or the meaning of life?
There are cards that simply say “HI” on the front and are blank on the inside. You could write a note telling the person how much you’ve enjoyed having him in your life. If not now, when?
Personally I would prefer something funny under those circumstances so I would buy a little rubber band powered balsa plane for him to fly around his room and a plain card in which I’d write “I didn’t know if you’d have time for a bigger project but idle hands and all that…”
Years ago I gave a severely ill friend a card while he was still hospitalised. The card contained a $10 bill and said, “Get out of that bed and buy your own fucking flowers.” It was his favourite card but you have to know your audience I guess.
The man has lost his flying privileges for good - that’s a horrible psychological blow on top of everything else. Not sure if reminding him of the biplane he’s likely never to finish is a good thing… On the other hand, I recently acquired a couple books full of quotes about flying, that might be worth considering as a gift…
Yeah, the poetry/quote thing is a good idea… but WHAT?
And while this man is someone I know and care enough to visit in the hospital, we aren’t surpremely close friends, we don’t have a hugely long “history”. Mainly, we have common interests in aviation and we’ve both been to Europe and we both own too many books.
He’s got a LOT of anger bottled up inside - understandable, under the circumstances.
I was in this same situation last year. I found some card, somewhere, that sort of worked. I can’t remember now what card company or what store I found it in.
Not much help, I know, but there are cards out there that suit this situation. They’re just not easy to find.
My new personal hero! taking notes for future reference that I hope I never need.
The last thing someone who is very badly mostly terminal ill needs is a sympathy card. IMHO. I’d got for funny cards with cartoons or nearly naked chicks or something on the cover. The man clearly needs a laugh. Of course, you gotta know your target.
Lottery tickets are always good for a quick diversion. Crossword puzzles, word searches, a newspaper, Weekly World New (ooooh WWN…who can resist?) anything to bust the monotony.
Maybe you can buy him a little die cast airplane for him to play around with in the hospital. Two of them for dogfights.
I’d say something funny. But it’s hard not to be in bad taste sometimes (for example, I’d find a shirt that said “I had cancer and all they gave me was this shitty haircut and this stupid t-shirt” funny, of course, they very more than likely would not) But sometimes even the simplest thing will remind them of what they can’t do anymore. You gotta know the person.
I’d say a book, give them something to pass the time in hospital.
I’d reiterate that possibly the last thing he needs/wants is sympathy.
If you give him a balsa plane with a rubber band prop, give him some dental floss to tie to it, so he can retrieve it.
A bumper sticker for his bed that says “I’d rather be flying” (conversely, he could save it for his coffin. (mine’s gonna say "I’d rather be canoeing))
How about a rubik’s cube, but peel the stickers off, and put them back on in a way that makes solving impossible.
Or maybe one of those little gizmos that makes loud farting noises when you press a button. He can torment the nurses with that. Or a gun that shoots smoke rings.
Sorry, it’s really hard to help with wording, without knowing the guy well.
I’d agree with all the others, but if you do want a hallmark card, they do make them.
My hallmark has a section within each section of specialized cards (cards for hospital-sick children and cards for breast cancer, etc are in the get well subsection).
I’ve seen a section for cards for the terminally ill. It was near the sympathy and get well cards. I can’t imagine that the US would have smaller selections than us (I’d put money on it being the other way around), so I’d suggest taking another look, perhaps try a few different places. It does exist! I guarantee it. Would I lie?
