I am thinking about quitting my job. I realized that it was not my calling long time ago. Therefore I have started a couple of projects that will help me transition. On top of that the job triggers the PTSD (from a childhood trauma) I have been coping with for a very long time. To make a long story short, a friend of mine invited me out to see Tony Robbins in Dallas the week of June 23rd. I agreed (my birthday is around that time) to go only to find out that there is a mandatory training scheduled for June 23rd. Therefore my boss said that he will not grant me the day off because I have to be there early on Friday. I can understand where he is coming from because it is a long drive from Houston to Dallas (4hours) than I would have to be there early morning. If I leave Friday after the training I miss the first day which is critical. So I am thinking about just giving a two weeks notice (I’ve been working there for 5 years). Maybe this is a sign that I should leave?
I’d say to look for another job first. Don’t leap until you have somewhere to land.
I suspect that for a lot of people their job is not their calling. Some people change jobs and find their calling. Others never do. And that can be OK, if your job pays enough to allow you to live comfortably and perhaps afford some hobbies that you enjoy.
So how old are you?
I am 34
Does your current job pay the bills?
If you have the time and energy to start new activities with current income, I’d suggest you learn to differentiate between you and your job.
The job is how you finance YOU. The jobs is NOT you.
Huge difference.
p.s. - these “Pay me $500 and I’ll tell you how to get rich” folks remind me of little classified ads in magazines (yes, really). They read "Make Money at HOME - Send $5 for instructions!
If you sent the $5 (about $40-$50 today), you’d get a single page:
“Make an ad like mine. Put it in the magazine you found my ad in. Use the same words or similar.”
These speakers are making money - by telling you to do something they do not do for a living - unless he hands out instructions to become a “Motivational Speaker” yourself.
How does your job trigger your PTSD?
Serious question. I have PTSD.
Omar Little’s Life Rule #8 - Never quit your current job, until you have the next job in hand.
Omar Little’s Life Rule #77 - Tony Robbins is a scam artist.
I won’t even address the rest of this since it’s minor relative to this. If you have a job that triggers your PTSD… GET OUT! Don’t quit until you find another job, but you should be looking for another job, even if it’s short term until you can get something else going that’s more fulfilling. Unless there’s other mitigating circumstances that make changing jobs nearly impossible, it’s not worth it.
Speaking for myself, my last job did a lot to make my depression worse, and I’d just kept justifying it and dealing with it and I didn’t really come to realize just how miserable I was until I left. After getting to my current job, I remember mentioning a couple things as how nice it was and responses were like “Dude, that’s normal. Your last boss was a massive jerk.” The job change was essentially lateral, and while the commute is far worse and leaves me exhausted, I’m still FAR happier while I’m actually at work. And in due time, I’ll find something better.
As I mentioned before, I have PTSD. I have a recurring problem with becoming emotionally overwhelmed by dealing with difficult people at work and quitting without notice. When I encounter managers with unrealistic expectations it sets up this parallel between my current life and the childhood I had where I could never please anyone no matter how hard I tried and the consequences of failure were abuse. A few times it’s gotten to the point where I would be so unhappy in a job that I viewed my only options as quitting immediately, or committing suicide. Of course, there is a huge fallacy of the excluded middle there, but in that mental state, I didn’t see the range of other options before me.
My husband’s graduate school had a significant impact on my own career trajectory because we moved a lot during his seven years of schooling. I’m 33 and it’s been years since I’ve been employed anywhere for longer than one year. About half of those jobs were amazing and productive and rewarding and I left with a stellar reputation even with just one year of employment. The other half were complete dumpster fires where all my coworkers were miserable because of terrible management and I would have some kind of mental implosion and become suicidal and bail out from desperation. There really seems to be no in-between with me.
I’m not proud of this, I am ashamed of it. It’s caused problems in my marriage. My husband was able to stick out a lot of jobs that make him miserable in the interest of our long-term financial stability (fortunately he loves his current job) whereas I have a history of quitting jobs with no backup plan. It’s clear talking to other people that my tolerance for work bullshit is a lot lower than others’, but I don’t know if that’s necessarily a good or bad thing. On the one hand, life is too short to do work you hate. On the other hand, consequences are real. I have to live with the reality that we lost all of our savings in one year because I quit two jobs in a row with no backup plan.
I both regret it and don’t regret it. On the one hand it led to a move that would have never happened and both of us finding a permanent home and jobs we love. On the other hand we will have to now wait a few years before we can have children because we have to save up for adoption. I was slammed with two major hospitalizations (emergency gall bladder surgery and seizures) in one year and we would have easily absorbed that cost if we had the savings. But we don’t, so every unexpected medical expense becomes a burden that prevents us from reaching our goal of having children.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I sympathize, but running away from your problems doesn’t really help with depression either. In the case of the all the jobs I quit like that, I fell into long-term despair and unemployment with no backup plan. Whatever choices you make are going to have real consequences. It will impact your overall long-term financial plans, your health, and your relationships. I didn’t clearly understand that until this most recent fiasco because the consequences had never been that dire before, but I’m hoping you can learn something from my failures.
And to be clear – if you have no alternative job planned, there is really no meaningful difference between quitting without notice and quitting with two weeks’ notice. In both cases you are pretty much immediately unemployed. If you are prone to depression, you will become severely depressed, and that will make it even harder to find another job.
Just based on my experience, before quitting your job I would advise that you seek professional help for learning coping skills to more effectively manage your work frustrations. Maybe they can help you plan your way out of this without having to spend any time unemployed. And definitely don’t let Tony Robbins have anything to do with this decision.
Thank you , I needed to hear that
Thank you@ SpiceWeasel, I do get quite overwhelmed at the job which triggers the PTSD. I have found a way to heal from the trauma (meditating on books about PTSD) helps me to process and heal from it. When I don’t meditate , the symptoms come back, meaning it is a sign that I still need more time to process what happened. I have started disciplining myself to meditate at night (after many years of resistance).
"And definitely don’t let Tony Robbins have anything to do with this decision. " Just curious, why?
I think if you’re asking for advice, people will need some more information, if you’re willing to provide it. Things like:
What area of work do you do?
What region do you live in?
Do you have sufficient savings and assets to live, without significant income, for potentially months?
Do you have realistic reason to believe that you will be able to find another job relatively soon?
Have you developed contacts who can, and will, help you find a job?
Are you willing to commit to finding a new job as, effectively, your full time profession?
How will you handle medical insurance in the meantime?
I’d also advise reviewing Omar’s post from earlier. Those are two excellent pieces of advice.
Skip going to the meeting with your friend. Go to work on that day instead and find another job FIRST. It could be 6 months or even a year before you find another job!
If you can afford to be without work for up to a year, then sure give your 2 weeks notice and go to that meeting. Otherwise learn about priorities. I should think a job and income (food/rent) would be more important than going to that meeting?
Yes, echoing the sentiment to not let this be the deciding factor.
I work in pharmacy and live in Texas, I do have savings, however I do not plan on leaving unless there is another opportunity… My financial advisor has told me about opportunities in medical sales…
Thank you