This could go in IMHO or here. I figured it possibly should go here, because it may be a sensitive topic, which could rile some people up. I was talking to a long time friend who is a very charitable person and the following topic came up in conversation.
(Note: This was not anything personal, it was merely a topic of discussion and nothing more.)
Why are difficult people who refuse to accept charity, help, or general acts of kindness regarded as “jerks” or “a-holes?” To clarify, I mean the preceding as in the context of a person who has not expressly asked for help.
I understand completely why and how, one could be labeled a jerk if he, or she, asked for help or charity and then refused it. That is hypocritical, confusing, and just plain rude.
However, ponder hypothetical situations such as:
[li]You see a person in a wheelchair struggling to get into the door of a shop. You attempt hold it open for him, and he chews you out that he can do it himself and insists for you to go away.[/li][li]A person who was downsized or laid off is struggling to get by. A group of her friends decide to all pitch in and buy her and her kids a bunch of groceries, to which she refuses to accept, then insists the friends either keep it themselves or return it. She would rather live by food stamps than accept her friends’ charity.[/li][/ul]
I am not trying to stereotype, I am simply illustrating scenarios. These are the nature of situations with difficult people, I am inquiring about. I figure it should be one’s right as an individual to accept or decline whatever they wish. While it may be alarming, and even upsetting, if you are the one giving, as the saying goes: “You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.” People often seem more determined to help an individual, who doesn’t want to be helped.
Note: I imply that such type situations are non-life threatening. If someone is drowning, or in a burning buliding, ETC, of course they should be helped, whether they want it or not.
So what in YHO makes such unco-operative persons, “jerks?”
I don’t think it’s right if the help-er gets mad because the help-ee, refuses help. A help-er may risk becoming jerkish, themself, if they blow their top. Maybe that’s why difficult people are so ill-favored, because “jerk-itis” can be contagious??