That’s my response, too, to people saying that 15 minutes isn’t late enough to matter. It matters to ME (I have no problem with people thinking I’m a tight ass; promptness is important to me, both to give and receive).
This is how my friends and I typically jamm—Nothing too concrete, if someone is running late we tend to chill and wait (within reason of course) for them to show up, and maybe have a second drink while we are at it…
Exactly. If I invite you to my home at 7:00 for dinner, I’ll have hors d’oeuvres out at 7:00, figuring that will give us time to chat and snack for a bit while I do all the final “right before it’s served” preparation. At 7:30, everything’s done and ready to serve.
If you’re late, I start pushing things out. If 7:30 rolls around and you haven’t called yet, the quality of the meal starts degrading. The hors d’oeuvres aren’t fresh anymore. The meat’s drying out, the veggies are getting soggy. I don’t know when to put the pasta on.
If there are other guests, it’s worse. I want to serve them on time (hey, they were well-mannered enough not to be late), but I don’t want to start without you.
Being that late without giving me a heads-up (“fire! flood!”) and estimated ETA is incredibly rude.
Well, yeah, you call if you’re more than say 10 minutes out, but shit happens. Maybe you were in such a rush you left your cell at home. I agree, if possible a call would be polite, but if there are other guests, I don’t think there’s any obligation for the rest of the party to be waiting on you. If I’m having friends over for dinner and one of them is late, screw 'em.
I had a friend that used to pull the “I’m running a little late” routine…all the time. I finally just started eating when I said that dinner would be ready. Strangely, showing up and finding her plate cold and me half-way through the meal didn’t cure her of her tardiness. This eventually led to the end of dinner invitations.
If you know what’s for dinner (say, slow cooked brisket) I’d buy the bottle and be 30 minutes late. If I knew the dinner was, say, fish or steak, I’d come 15 minutes late. If the host is an inexperienced host, I’d arrive as soon as possible. From my experience, dinner depends wholly on the host - if they’re experienced, they can weather anything, but if they’re not good or new at things, I’d try to be there ASAP to minimize their worry and nervousness.
But being any more than 5 minutes late would mean I’d be calling, without a doubt.
Agree with this for a job interview, meeting or something like that, but not for a party (even a dinner party).
If I have a dinner party and I ask people to get there at 7, unless you were one of my bestest friends who loves helping out in the kitchen, I’d be rather pissed if you got there at, say, 6:30. I still have shit to finish up before y’all get here!
Now, if I scheduled it for 7 and people didn’t come till 7:30? Not a huge deal at all. If I said 7, that’d mean at least a half hour of sitting around with maybe little snackies and your drinks. Dinner wouldn’t actually start until at least 7:45, probably 8 or a bit later.
I vote call, tell them you’ll be thirty minutes late, and bring the bottle.
I reason thusly:
- It is unlikely they planned to serve dinner immediately upon your arrival.
- Showing up for dinner empty handed is tacky.
I’d call to find out what the situation is and whether being 30 minutes late will be a big deal. I really don’t know anyone that plans a party for 7 where everyone is actually expected to be at the table at 7. It’s start showing up and visiting and catching up at 7 and we’ll sit down around 7:30 or so.
I am astonished. I always bring a bottle (or, most commonly, a container of home-made chocolate truffles), but I would never arrive at the announced hour and, especially never arrive early. Up to a half hour late seems de rigeur. Beyond that, I guess I would call. If we give a dinner party, we always give a range: between 7 and 7:30, say, expecting to serve at maybe 7:45.
But all you people worrying about arriving 15 minutes late astonish me. NEVER arrive early, never. Unless explicitly invited to.
This shocks me. I can understand people who have something go wrong and it causes them to be late to dinner. But expecting people to be a half-hour late? Showing up a half-hour late on purpose? The way I was raised, this goes beyond rude and into downright insulting (i.e., saying “my time’s more important than yours”).
If someone invites me for dinner at 6:00, and I know I won’t/can’t be there until 6:30, I’ll ask right up front, “will 6:30 work for you?”
Perhaps these are regional differences? Have you heard the term “fashionably late”? If I’m going to a party (not a dinner party, but a generic low-key party that’s basically friends hanging out with snackies and drinks) and the invite says: “starts at 8”, I will not get there at 8. I’ll probably try to get there around 8:30.
And in Latin American cultures (as Colibri mentioned), it’s far worse. One of my guy friends in college was Colombian and my god the conflicts we’d have over times! He’d say to meet me at his dorm around 6pm. But if you showed up actually at 6? He’s not even there yet. 6 actually meant sometime in the early-ish evening, probably around 8-ish. And if I didn’t show up until friggin’ 10, he wouldn’t care.
I would wager that Hari Seldon’s observation (that most people tend to prefer being a bit “fashionably late”) is far more common than your take on the situation (always be exactly, unfailingly, precisely on time) at least when it comes to a meal at someone’s private home.
It’s a different story (IMHO) when meeting at a restaurant—That would call for a more prompt arrival as a common courtesy.
Half an hour is not a huge deal, but I would still call and say, “Damn - my parole officer kept me longer than I thought. I wanted to stop and pick up some nice wine and a case of beer first - but that will take me an additional 15 minutes or so because there is police tape around the building. How’s dinner looking - should we hurry over or is half an hour OK?”
Now they can say dinner was really planned a little later and take your time, or they can say that if that pot roast gets cold, I’ll be eating alone.
Seriously - half an hour should be planned into any dinner…who in the hell wants to arrive at 8:00 and eat at 8:05? I tell people to come at least an hour or so before dinner, if not earlier, so we can then have some time to have a drink and chit-chat.
Plus, that is why you have appetizers and stuff like that - to get ready for the spread that is LATER.
Now, if you are talking over an hour late or worse, then it had better be a damned good excuse. Still, shit happens and a good host puts that in their plans - just in case.
I think it’s an age difference. When having dinner with friends we never expect anyone to be right on time. Different for my parents though.
I would not be late. This has never happened to me and I cannot imagine it happening.
I’d be kinda offended if a friend knew he was going to be late to my place but dismissed it with, “Eh, 30 minutes isn’t a big deal/it’s just the two of us/no one shows up on time for these things anyway” or any of the other excuses here. Especially paired with the bottled gift thing. It’s inconsistent to say, “I’ll bring a gift, that’s the nice thing to do,” but then say, “It’s ok if I show up late.”
If we agreed on a specific time and you’re gonna be late, call. It probably won’t affect my food or plans much, but I’d really prefer you showed courtesy than not.
Agreed, at least amongst my friends and family. I think it must be a cultural thing; it seems the most important room in the house is the kitchen, and all the guests will cram into a tiny kitchen to talk and drink and help finish dinner (or even make it entirely!), and then the crowd will wander to the table and sit around and eat and drink for hours. I’ve had family dinners where we showed up at 5, started eating around 7pm and finally got up at 1am! I’d be really creeped out if I showed up “on time” for a party and was sitting at the table 15 minutes later.
I’d maybe call if I was going to be more than about 30 minutes late, but I’d absolutely get a bottle of whatever. It’s rude to show up empty handed, but "7’ means “7-ish” amongst my friends!
I’d just call. The question of a bottle wouldn’t arise.
I’ve never been to a dinner/house party/whatever that had dinner on the table within the first hour; if I was invited to show up at 7, dinner is always after 8. Munchies and drinks are available but people show up for a 7 o’clock dinner party fully expecting dinner an hour later, if not longer.
If I were running late, in the OP’s scenario, I would call my host/hostess and tell them why–so they don’t think I’m a no-show–and I would stop and pick up whatever I originally planned to bring. Generally I call ahead anyway to see if he/she needs anything extra, like ice or mixers or glasses or extra chips/dip whatever.
My mother’s rule stands: never show up empty handed.