I read the thread where D/C/ said what he said, then recanted and apologized for it. He might’ve been a bit cold in his initial remarks but he did apologize, didn’t he? OR did he go back and say more? Perhaps, I don’t know because I read as much of the thread as I could and decided to let it go without commenting.
I understand the guy is mourning believe me I KNOW.
I lost my wife and TWO children recently due to a car wreck. It may be tough on the guy but it is not the same I’m afraid.
I feel compassion for the guy and D/C only said what some people were probably thinking. He apologized for it. So get off his back.
Until you lose your family all at once, then you can tell me I’m wrong.
If I’ve misinterpreted this pit then forgive me. I did not read the whole thing. I may have missed some important details.
BTW. I’ve experienced the sorrow of miscarriage too. It’s not the same. Not even close. At least not in my experience.
BUT I would NEVER personally belittle SadDad’s grief. Everyone experiences their own grief and nobody can know exactly what they feel or the intensity of those feelings.
Again, NO ONE SAID IT WAS THE SAME! We’re saying to STOP trying to play “My grief is more important/profound/intense/deserved than your’s and I deserve more sympathy!”
Sorry to hear about your loss. Your latter comment is, in my opinion, why this pitting is justified. You “would never”, even although you might have cause, because you know what is appropriate and what is not. It is not whether Diogenes had a point or not, but the manner in which he made it. Having spent many hears on the SDMB, I’ve come to think of message board apologies as simple things, and I have a sense that his apologies aside, Dio hasn’t learned anything.
He DOES deserve more sympathy. His loss IS more tragic. I feel a LOT worse for a guy who has lost his wife and two children than I do for someone who only experienced a miscarriage. That’s why I didn’t like it when I felt like I was being asked to sympathize as if those two misfortunes were even in the same ballpark. Again, this was never about what the victim of a miscarriage should be allowed to feel but about what they should reasonably expect OTHERS to feel.
(Thanks for your concern)
You think his apology was insincere. I understand that. I didn’t see it that way but then y’all have more experience with him than I. Perhaps you’re right and it was just bullshit. I suppose it’s really up to SadDad to forgive and forget this, huh?
I should’ve just stayed out it. No harm intended.
BTW I wasn’t trolling for sympathy. It is just a part of life that I have to deal with and it comes out in my posts. Too often I’m afraid.
There you go, passing judgment on people’s pain again. :rolleyes: You haven’t learned anything from this thread, have you??
In a way, I can understand where you’re coming from. I stay away from the Dead Baby threads because, frankly, I don’t have the frame of reference to comprehend that type of loss, and yeah, I’m always thinking about how it could be worse. (At least the kid won’t grow up to do drugs, wind up in jail, hate his parents, etc…) The difference? I keep my mouth shut – I don’t even click on the link. Not for any moral reason, except that I’m an adult and I try to pretend like I know how to act like one.
If you’ve reached the point where you can no longer feel sympathy for people, and merely compartmentalize their complaints on a scale of varying degrees of pain, then you definitely need to find a new line of work. (BTW, you never answered my question, either.)
I never said I didn’t feel sympathy, asswipe. I said I didn’t feel the SAME sympathy as if he had actually lost a child. Frankly, I thing anyone who feels no worse about about somebody losing a child than they would about somebody losing a pregnancy is the one with the empathy problem
No, his thread was all about his loss and I should have stayed out of it. I wasn’t justifying my intrusion but I wish people could at least be accurate about what I said and not make it worse than it really was.
I am really sorry for your loss. I don’t usually post in the pit but I just wanted to pop in to say that you have my deepest sympathies.
DtC, as someone who usually agrees with you from the sidelines, I do believe you crossed the line pretty badly. I’m sure I’m not on your radar, especially because I don’t post anything of worth on this board, but I just want to let you know that unlike several people in this thread I don’t have an axe to grind with you-I actually share some of your politics and I’m slightly disappointed that you behaved in the way you did because I sort of thought you would be above it as a father yourself. You should have filtered. I appreciate that you apologised but in a way you’ll never be able to take back the derison that SadDad may have felt about your sentiments. Also, the thread wasn’t really wasn’t about you or how you felt cheated by the thread title. I’d rather people post about their loss about losing an anembryonic pregnancy than to actually have to suffer the loss of a child. Whatever you feel about his lack of perspective, isn’t it much better that he didn’t lose a child? Would it make you feel better?
In some ways I am a pretty unsympathetic person so I tend to stay out of the woe is me threads. I’m sure this “do no harm” course of action is best for us colder-hearted bastards.
Nice job yelling at someone who just shared that he lost his entire family. I realise this is the pit and all but it seems slightly hypocritical to go ahead and yell at someone who just shared something about a personal tragedy when you’re pontificating compassion to someone who was inappropriate in responding to another person that shared a personal tragedy.
Damn, this thread has exposed some shitty behaviour all around…
What a goofy thing to say. That’s as illogical as saying that the pain of having your spouse divorce you must be bogus because then “how do you explain the accepted and common practice of not going on a second date?” It’s a question of desires, hopes, expectations, etc. People get an abortion when they don’t want the baby. People who are looking forward to a full life full of loving a child, on the other hand, are devistated when that is ended.
FWIW, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped at you. And let me please extend my extreme condolences at your loss.
AT THE SAME TIME, however, I think the point is, it’s rude to tell a grieving person that their feelings are inferior, because so and so lost more, and they should “man up” and blah blah blah. Because, as someone suggested, where does it end? Everyone just keeps trying to one up each other and somehow prove that THEIR tragedy is the worst.
I don’t think anyone said that a miscarriage is the same thing as losing one’s entire family. Nor did I think YOU were personally trying to play the “worse off than you” game.
My point? Someone is grieving-for whatever reason, that is not the time to point out that others are worse off.
Once again, I appologize. My anger is at Diogenes and the people saying he was justified-I should not have taken it out on you.
Don’t sweat it guys. I know y’all aren’t so cold that you meant any harm. I also don’t think Dio meant any harm. I promise you I didn’t.
Sometimes we let our emotions run our mouths and we say shit that would’ve been better kept to ourselves or at the very least said somewhere else.
I’ve said some things I can never take back…
Anyway, I know this is a pit thread and I’m fucking it all up with my bullshit. So y’all get on with it.
