Dirtying up an Olympic Sport

In This post jasg quotes an article saying that “Pole Sports” (Previously Pole Dancing) is on it’s way to becoming an Olympic sport.

This cleaning up of bad, dirty, adult fun is an outrage and we, as a society, have a responsibility to restore the balance by dirtying up an established Olympic sport for use in strip clubs, stag/hen parties and so on. So I am soliciting suggestions.

Space & expense are obviously issues…fitting a dirty marathon or curling rink into a strip club is going to be difficult but we can assume that, given sufficient sexiness, the market will sort that sort of thing out.

My suggestion is the Sexy Shot Putt…you’d probably use a lighter shot, maybe balance it on your butt for a while, do some contact juggling, fondle the ball, then hoy it into a paddling pool filled with baby oil at the end of the song.

Aren’t the figure skating events already pretty much there? I mean the women spin around with their legs splayed open, sometimes holding a leg up behind their head. I’m guessing they have to be pretty careful about putting their costume on to make sure they don’t inadvertently leave anything uncovered.

Combine gymnastic vaulting and pole vaulting with having them land on a ------------------ pole?

Oh, the things that happen in a 4-man bobsleigh…

Women’s Sybian pommel horse?

Naked Track & Field, the way the Greeks originally did them. Except not for hurdles. (Ouch!)

New and exciting uses for a curling broom?

Indeed. More than that, making sure they don’t inadvertently uncover anything that was previously covered.

Bikini clad ski Bunny races.
I could wrestling turning into something for women and mud.

I was thinking you could combine luge and skeleton in some sort of 69 configuration…

Foxy boxing.

Bottomless bicycle racing.

Naked mixed pairs oil wrestling.

Baloney equestrian.

There is already doubles luge. Make it mixed-gender and it’s pretty much there.

We could dirty 2 sports at once and have the “javelin put”.

How much filthier do we need to make watersports?

Raise the degree of difficulty by requiring the male finish the run fully erect.

There we go - doubles nude skeleton (if you are into that sorta thing) or reverse cowgirl doubles luge!

I agree with the comment about figure skating/ice dancing - it would not take much to make that filthy.

We reversed positions so there was no funny business.

Reversed positions?

Yeah, you know, head to toe.

So what, your genitals are still lined up.

Maybe a no-hands relay race

How about spooning side by side?

A couple of female friends and I were talking a few years back. One had been in a long term relationship with a woman, recently broke up, and was going on a date with a guy for the first time in more than five years. She was saying she was nervous she wouldn’t remember how to “be with a guy.”

The other friend reassured her. “You’ll be fine,” she said. “It’s like riding a bike…but with the seat missing.”

This thread reminded me of that story and I can’t help but think this could be a dirty Olympic sport: Women’s Seatless Biking.