Discourse through which Threemae gets laid...

The BBQ Pit
1

This thread really doesn’t belong in the pit, but it seems to find a couple of nice companions within the pit regarding men complaining about their lack of success with women.

It’s really more of a General Question.

I’m a 17 year old high-school senior, and I generally find myself pretty attractive. Compiled from the lists in the “What Women Want” thread:

(My arrogant, insignificant little world view)

  1. I’m nice
  2. I’m cute
  3. I wear pretty nice clothes
  4. I’ve had a fucking haircut in the last four months (4 days actually)
  5. I’m funny
  6. I’m smart
  7. I’m generally a good conversationalist
  8. I’m empathetic

A more realistic view:

  1. I’m really, REALLY skinny (Varsity Cross Country skinny, or 6 ft 1 and 140 lbs, but only 4% body fat)
  2. I’ve got braces
  3. I can still be shy around “popular” people occasionally, but I’ve gone from generally introverted to extroverted over the course of HS

Now that you know a little bit about me, how about a little history?

I have no real problems with flirting with girls, but male friends can still be a bit of a problem. I’m usually busy 1-2 nights a weekend, but I never get invited to parties etc.
Every time I walk down the hall, there are girls that I flirt with that I say hi to, but I’ve just had problems with making a lot of these relationships physical.

I’m about a month out of a four month relationship with a girl I really liked who was regretably Christian (in deed and word). I ended it for a lot of reasons, but I would be lying to say that a major part of it wasn’t her unwillingness to go past first/shallow second base.

So, my real question is, how do I exit high school without my virginity quite as intact as it is at the moment?

What options should I pursue?

Should I keep flirting with the sophmores who always seem really into me? If so, how should I ask these girls if they want to spend time with me but really make it clear that I’m interested in physical stuff?

For Example: I’m supposed to go do something with a Sophmore this weekend who I’ve gone to lunch with several times and always had a sexual dialog with and little touches with. What should I suggest? I’m really not into a long term relationship, so is dinner and a movie really a good idea still?

Should I pursue a relationship with a nice, conservative, but less prudish HS senior that I really like? The particular senior which I really like strikes me as a definite virgin (1 boyfriend who she claims went 3 months without making a single move until she broke it off) and no other mentions with other boys. How do I make sure that she is okay with more than making-out to avoid spending the next four months in my life in a relationship that I end amicably, but still slightly bitter about?

And one final issue: I tend to be more comfortable flirting with girls than talking with boys so the majority of my friends seem to be female and I’m in a lot of female-majority things like yearbook (only over lunch, not the actual club). So, how do I make sure that girls don’t see me as “One ofthe gals?”

Any advice, from general advice from women to specific pointers from men would be appreciated, especially in regards to the situation this weekend. Any trite, cheesy lines that I should employ to ensure that I’m totally honest with this sophmore and we both know where we stand?

I’m not afraid of rejection, I just find it a little awkward to ask for sex explicitly from people I’m only friends with. But how do I avoid getting stuck in long-term relationships I’m really not interested in? All without coming off as a total asshole or hurting any feelings (I actually really do care)?

Is this making any sense? Or am I the new justthink? I wonder if he has anything he’d like to share on the matter.

2

I am probably not the best person to advise you (hell, I know I’m not) but it sounds like you just want a hooker. I mean, really—if getting rid of your virginity is so important, get to a hooker and get it over with. You seem to have an agenda to get laid above all else, and that can be a real turn-off to many girls.

Just my opinion, I’m probably way off base, please forgive me if I misunderstood your intentions, blah blah blah.

3

Just stop worrying about losing your virginity. I didn’t until I was in college, and it’s not as though my life were lacking up until that point. Plus, if you stop worrying, it’s more likely to happen.

That being said, the sophomore seems more likely to go “all the way” than the senior.

Thing is, though–if you don’t want a long-term relationship, get that out in the open before you do the dirty. Don’t lead her on. Just say what you feel–you aren’t interested in a long-term relationship right now, but you want to “test the waters” and the person you’re with seems like the right chick to do it with. Or whatever. Just be completely honest. Otherwise, you’ll have to deal with Anyanka, patron saint of scorned women.

::reminds self that Buffy isn’t real::

…on second thought, I’ll just be real ticked off at you, mkay? ;). Good luck.

4

Okay, thank you both.

I’ll definitely keep that in mind, Yosemite, particularly in terms of the senior. But the hooker really isn’t it. A close female friend suggested this, but I really don’t thnk she get’s it (nothing personal). It isn’t just the sex. It’s the validation, or something.

And I’m suggesting that this isn’t a stupid reason for wanting to lose your virginity.

But that’s also part of why I don’t want to be a virgin when I graduate.

And Angel, I’ll see what happens this weekend, but I’ll be sure to make sure that she knows what I’m thinking if we do anything. Being a virgin for another week won’t kill me, and I don’t want to lie to get rid of it, but…

5

If validation is what you’re looking for, then don’t treat your virginity as a curse or disease. Treat it as something to give something worthy.

I had opportunities with people fairly early on in college and didn’t take advantage of them because … well, to be frank, because I wouldn’t have fucked some of them with someone else’s dick. Then I found someone worth much more than my virginity and gave that, among other things, to her.

Mine is part fairy tale, to be sure. Many people don’t last as long with their first as I have with mine. For many people, the first is a dull and/or painful memory they’ve long-since done away with. But if you are seeking the feeling that you have a connection with someone in a more-than-hand-holding way, realize there’s probably a reason you’re still a virgin: you haven’t found a person worthy of losing it to.

[sub]Shit, is that smarmy enough?:([/sub]

6

Smarmy, but true. I’m soooooo glad I didn’t lose my virginity (or give it, however you want to look at it) with the guy who tried so hard, juts because he wanted to get his rocks off. He was a jerk, and not worth it. Concentrate on hanging out with those who are worth it, at least until you know them well enough to make an informed judgement about whther they’re worth it.

I was never so goal-oriented about ridding myself of my virginity, but I’m glad it was with the person it was finally with. 16 years later, and although he is married and lives 1200 miles away, we are still good friends. (I like his wife, too.) Having sex with someone who just wants to check off an item on his to-do list is no fun. I’d rather stay home with a small battery-operated appliance, and keep my self-esteem intact.

7

I certainly don’t pretend to speak for all women. And I have a 17 y/o daughter who’s gone thru a couple of bad relationships. OK, disclaimer done.

I was too shy in high school to date or even talk to boys. So I didn’t have much in the way of male-female interaction until I was almost 20. I figured out pretty quick which guys wanted a piece of ass and which one were interested in me. I also figured out that I got WAAAAAAY too attached without having had a sexual relationship, and it hurt waaaaay too much when it broke off. That’s when I knew that having a casual fling wasn’t for me.

Had I been fooled into sleeping with a guy because he pretended that we had something “special” I’d have been crushed and probably pretty messed up. As it happened, my first time was with my husband the night we married.

My point is that you need to think long and hard about the feelings of the girl/woman before you get naked in a pile with her. Be sure that she’s not seeing more in the encounter than you intend. Especially if she’s younger and more naive than you.

Personally, I’d advise you to quit worrying about getting laid. Believe it or not, there’s a whole lot more to life than sex. Make friends, have fun, and don’t try to seduce dumb younger girls.

End of Mom mode.

8

Believe it or not, there is nothing wrong with getting out of high-school a virgin. Really. There is also nothing “cool” about losing your virginity.

Take it from a guy thats been there. I’d be willing to wager that at least 1/2 the kids that you don’t think are still virgins at the 16-17 age group (for whatever reasons, brag, they’re cool, whatever) still are.

I’m serious.

9

I have to agree that you’re going about this rather jerkishly. I guess it’s fine if you are completely honest with the girl, but IMO you’ll have a hard time accomplishing this without leaving someone feeling used. Even if a girl seems willing to have sex with you without a relationship, please be aware that many girls (esp. at this age) view sex as a way to get a guy’s love or affection, and she may agree to have sex with you in the hopes you will become more attached to her. I forsee people getting hurt. You say you like these girls, please treat them with respect. I think it is important to ask yourself why you need to be “validated” in this way.

OTOH, if Hollywood is any example, just make a bet with a bunch of guy friends on who can lose their virginity before graduation. You will all get laid at the last minute, and hilarity will ensue!

10

I’m biased in favor of the opinion that nothing good can ever come out having sex while you’re in high school. Dude, you are so young! You want validation, fine. I’m guessing whatever validation you get, if any, from your parents, your friends, coaches, teachers, etc. is not enough. What makes you think having sex will be?

11

I think you all need to cut the guy some slack. There’s nothing wrong with just wanting to have casual, physical relationships, especially when you’re just 17. I myself wish I had waited a few years to get into a serious relationship, as I missed out on most of the fun, casual stuff.

As for how to go about it, don’t make a big deal out of it, either way. Go out with the sophomore. Dinner and a movie is fine. Or just go to dinner – you can always suggest a movie afterward, or if things are going well, go park somewhere and make out. You shouldn’t discuss relationships on the first few dates in any case. Go out a few times, make it clear you’re interested in her physically, and see what happens. Don’t imply that you feel more seriously toward her than you do. At some point, you may have to have a talk about a possible relationship, but don’t worry about that now. Go on a few dates first. Some girls will want to just be casual, some won’t. The only way to find out is to start something and see where it goes.

Incidentally, I think you’re seeing the whole relationship thing as far too black and white. You can date someone exclusively for a few months, and then break up and date someone else. It doesn’t have to only be “date exclusively for the next few years” or “no commitment beyond two hours from now”. It’s OK to start dating someone and later realize that you want to break up with them. You don’t have to make all these decisions before you’ve had a single date.

12

P.S. More girls like tall and skinny than you’d think. Don’t be insecure about your looks. If you’re both nice and confident, you’ll go far.

13

threemae, I wouldn’t say you’re not allowed to have casual relationships in High School, in fact I think it’s better to keep things casual while you’re young and date around. But if I was the senior who you liked, but are reluctant to date me because you heard I was a virgin and wouldn’t put out, that would put you on my jerk list pretty fast.

Four months is not a long time for a girl to wait to have sex, especially in high school. All I’m saying is don’t pressure any girl to have sex just so you can feel validated. You are free to date any girl you want, but be aware that it is probably a status issue for a Sophomore to date a Senior, and she may put out for you hoping that you’ll like her more, or to gain status with her friends having a Senior for a boyfriend. It’s hard for girls to not get attached to boys they have a physical relationship with, especially if she were to lose her virginity to you.

Just be careful, and if it seems like you could hurt someone, just wait. It’s not as big a deal as it seems, and you’ll have plenty of time to explore in college, or after high school.

14

Re-reading my posts here, I am realizing how much I sound like all grown-ups when I was in high school (no, it wasn’t that long ago).

::weeping:: they were right! I do understand now that I’m older! Nooooooo.

15

Quote:

How do I make sure that she is okay with more than making-out to avoid spending the next four months in my life in a relationship that I end amicably, but still slightly bitter about?

If you are as smart and empathetic as you claim, you will realize that this sort of attitude reeks for miles.

I’m not unsympathetic to your plight, but, really, wait until you get to college. There will be more women who are willing to use you and cast you aside there, believe me. High school is much too small a fishbowl for many women to fool around in.

16

Shit, I’m out of college and I’m still a virgin. (Sadly, by default).