Would you provide him any advice or reassurance?
Depends on the question.
Paraphrased from The Addams Family Groove by M.C. Hammer:
“You do what you wanna do, say what you wanna say,
Live how you wanna live, play how you wanna play,
Dance how you wanna dance, kick and the slap a friend.”
When the time comes he wants a good fuck, he can probably find someone to do it with. If the time hasn’t yet come, then that’s cool too.
(I am speaking as a 59 year old male virgin.)
(Now, if he is desperately seeking a lover, and wants to lose his virginity, and is very sad because of that…that’s a different kettle of cooze. In that case, there still isn’t a lot you can do to help.)
I hear the escorting industry is losing a lot of it’s social stigma. Get yourself a GFE!! :(:o
“You have wasted ten of the best years of your life. Sorry, Dude!”
What advice are they asking for? Are they upset about it and need advice on meeting someone? Are they feeling like being a virgin is strange and wonder if it’s ok to be one? Or is it something else. The answer will vary depending on the circumstance.
Assuming you want to change your condition, take steps to make it happen. Don’t wait until someone else comes to you. You’ll be waiting a while, maybe even till you’re 59.
bolding mine; good choice of wording
“Don’t point that thing at me.”
Pretty much the same stuff we’ve said in the other 30ish threads you’ve started on your social challenges.
If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.
You alternate between being content with your behaviors and the resulting situation, and being noisily unhappy about them. What you don’t seem to have done is actually, you know, changed anything. When in the discontented phase you seem to sit there and stew until the urge to change passes and mute acceptance replaces it.
Get professional help and professional meds as appropriate. And grow the spine necessary to actually make scary & potentially painful changes to your status quo.
Or, stay just as you are. Then eventually die of old age in almost the same small mental / emotional orbit as you’re in now.
You get to pick. The hard part is admitting that you *have *to pick. And so far you’ve been picking inaction.
Heaven forbid in our enlightened society that anyone should actually want to wait till they were married to have sex. :dubious:
Same thing I told the last 25 y/o virgin I knew: “Shit, the radio’s nonfunc again. Go to the XO and tell him I need the PRC E-9”
I’d tell him to imagine being a 40-year-old virgin. Relatively speaking, a 25-year-old virgin isn’t a big deal at all.
I’d tell him it’s not really the virginity that’s the problem, but his unhappiness over it. And then I’d ask him if he thinks all his life problems would be fixed by getting laid. If he’s halfway intelligent, he’ll know the answer is “no”. I don’t know this guy, but I’m guessing loneliness is really what has got him down. The sex stuff is almost besides the point.
If I knew the person? And they wanted advice on how to get their first girlfriend?
I’d take a good look at them and help them figure out what was wrong with them. Are you so busy saving orphans in Nepal that you don’t have time for a girlfriend? Then come back from Nepal and do something different. Do you have visible stink squiggles coming off you? Take a bath. Are you unable to talk to people? Practice having conversations with people you trust. Are you frightening? Get some counseling for your anger issues. Are you in prison? Work on becoming a model prisoner so you can collect some good time and get out earlier. Are you unemployed? Figure out some profession that causes you the least amount of pain and get a job. Were you burned by acid, or something like that? Wear a black mask.
There’s usually a reason people are in the situation they are in. Note that this is different than saying people deserve to be in that situation. But if you’ve fallen into a pit trap by random chance, the situation is that you’ve fallen into a pit and need to climb out. Either that or start getting comfortable living at the bottom of a pit. Maybe your arms and legs are broken and you’re never going to climb out. If that’s the case, accepting that you’re permanently stuck and making the best of your situation and tidying up the place is your only option.
Course I don’t know you in particular, so I have no way of telling what exactly is wrong with you. Do you have people around you that you trust, who can coach you up? Or maybe all your buddies are worse off than you, and you need to stop listening to them.
“Slip her the sausage.” Assuming she can be located, and that said sausage-slipping is strictly consensual.
Sex is great and I feel sorry for virgins over the age of 16 or so. My advice is to do it as soon as you can. Not sure if this is a self-inflicted problem, or if you just never had the opportunity.
But one thing I’d suggest is to not dwell on it. Don’t focus on the sex, don’t build it up into this big thing in your mind. Sex is a fun activity for adults to do. It’s like playing baseball or something. It’s not a life changing event, and it’s nothing to have a bunch of anxiety over. Try and maintain a laid-back demeanor about the whole thing, and when you get the opportunity, just let it happen. Don’t force it or make a big deal about it. I wouldn’t mention the virgin thing unless you’re asked.
Take it from me, and I’ve had sex thousands of times with many many different women, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. Sex isn’t a contest, though if it were I’d be the winner, and so you shouldn’t feel bad about your virginity. Night after night…woman after woman…sometimes two or three at a time… and other than the memories, what do I have to show for it? When we’re both dead, nobody will know or care that I was so wildly promiscuous and you were a virgin.
Put in some real effort into therapy for your issues and work on social skills so that you can function in the dating world, or put less effort into coming to terms with the celibate life you’ve chosen for yourself.
The OP has lamented at length how he is involuntarily celibate, often in threads where it’s off-topic, so it’s not a deliberate choice. I don’t remember a lot of posters, but he’s one that definitely stands out. If it was a deliberate decision, then I wouldn’t have anything particular to tell him beyond ‘OK, can we talk about something other than your genitals now?’.
Depends on what we were talking about. If he were curious about my research, for instance, I’d have lots to say about that. If he were asking me for advice on his personal life, I’d probably be baffled and ask why the hell he was asking ME.
Really, our cultural obsession with sex and virginity, whether it’s praise or condemnation of either, is just over done. It’s no one else’s business, except maybe a prospective partner’s, if you’re a virgin or not. If you’re content with your situation, then who cares? If you aren’t, you need to take action to change it, but I hope your unhappiness is because you’re unhappy, not because you feel shamed by society for being a virgin.
But really, if you’re unhappy about it, it’s not like getting laid is suddenly going to change your life. It’s like there’s this mythos that, if only the shy socially awkward guy could get laid, he’d suddenly because more confident and his life will turn around. Yeah, sex is great, but unless you’re some kind of hedonist (and I’m not sure how one can be both a hedonist and a virgin), you’re not going to find fulfillment just in getting laid. Rather, the fulfillment will come in the process of building relationships in social situation, sexual or romantic in nature or not, that may ultimately set you on the path to losing your virginity. And, frankly, if your goal in meeting people is just to get laid, you’re going to make poor company and, what relationships you do establish, when men or women, will likely be shallow and unfulfilling too.
So, really, I think the answer is, that the question of “what advice do you give a 25-yo virgin?” is that it’s the wrong question to be asking. It’s a time for introspection, taking stock of the areas of your life, setting a goal state for where you want those to be, creating a plan to make that happen, then start executing that plan.