My girlfriend wants me to have sex with her, and I don't know what to do!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My 16-year-old girlfriend wants me to have sex with her… and I don’t know what to do. I’ve said “no” so far. My excuse has been that it’s rape (cause I’m 18), but she did research, and in her state of Massachusetts apparently the age of consent is 16.:eek:

I’m a virgin and not that eager to lose it yet. She is not a virgin (as you probably could’ve guessed). None of my (male) friends have been any help. They’re more envious than anything.

I guess more than anything I’m nervous at her experience and my lack thereof. Also, it seems like it would sort of be a “coming-of-age” thing… (that sounds so corny), and, while I’m (really) excited about the idea of having sex, I just don’t know if I’m ready.

Re-reading my post, I know I sound like such a girl. It seems like the responses a girl writing this would get would be something like “follow your heart, and don’t do it unless you are ready.” Being in reality a very horny guy, it’s tough to hold out. But for some reason I’m just reluctant to give in.

Any thoughts for what I should do? :confused:
I think I already know what people will say… but I just need to hear coherent people tell me their advice, rather than horny teenagers.

2

If you don’t feel you should, then don’t. It’s as simple as that, I think. You sound like a thoughtful person. Most people our age (I’m actually a couple years younger than you) wouldn’t stop to say yes! :wink:

3

Don’t have a lot of answers, mostly here for support.

You say you’d be nervous being with her sexually because she has experience. IMSHO, sex should be an extension of the relationship, something that comes from the closeness between two people. It seems to me that if you’re not comfortable enough with her to know she won’t judge you, then maybe the relationship isn’t close enough to survive sex without becoming about sex, which I don’t think you want to have happen.

It further seems to me that if you have any reservations whatsoever (which you seem to, inasmuch as you’ve posted this), then it’s probably not the best of ideas to do it. It may end up destroying the relationship, or making one or both of you feel like crap.

But don’t take my word for it, I’m a virgin m’self. :stuck_out_tongue:

AAR, good luck.

4

If you’re not sure, then wait.

If you’re not sure, then wait.

If you’re not sure, then wait.

Don’t worry about the girl/guy thing. Girls may be more open about their reluctance, but plenty of guys are reluctant, too. I know it is hard to hold out, but…If you’re not sure, then wait.

I am a bit concerned that your girlfriend is pressuring you. Perhaps you ought to think about whether you want to be intimate with a girl who would pressure you into doing something that you are reluctant to do.

Maybe it’s not the right time for you, or maybe she’s just not the right person. (reading between the lines of your post, I’m guessing that she’s not the right person). You have nothing to lose by waiting.

(And I totally sympathise with your “horny teenager” feelings. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I was a horny teenager, too. Of course, I had sex at the first good opportunity, but I was READY, goshdarnit!) Good luck.

5

Another virgin speaking here (albeit, virgin by default-the opportunity has never come up, though I don’t know what I’d do if it did).

If you don’t feel comfortable doing it-don’t. Follow your heart and don’t do anything you’re not ready to do.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a guy or a girl. YOU and only YOU will know when you’re ready. And you’re obviously not.

6

I guess it comes down to why?

How come you don’t want to have sex?

Is it performance anxiety, nervoussness, or stagefright?

Do you not like the girl enough?

Do you just feel that you’re not ready?

Are you unprepared to take the risk of pregnancy?

Do you have moral objections to premarital sex?

7

Don’t -EVER- have sex if you don’t want to. Your body is yours to do with as you please.

But also–don’t let anxiety be a barrier to your love. Remember that most people will spend the majority of their lives as non-virgins.

8

I disagree. I don’t think you need a reason not to have sex any more than you would need a reason to have sex.

If you feel uncomfortable, wait; either you will want to have sex later or you won’t. No sense rushing into something you won’t fully enjoy.

9

Have you asked her why she wants to have sex? It might be worth discussing her feelings on the matter. It might also open up some revelations about your relationship, giving you deeper insight on how much the two of you mean to each other.

For example, she might be insisting upon it out of fear that the two of you will break up. I notice that you’re 18 and she’s 16; may I assume that you’re away to college soon? It’s possible that she’s anxious that you’ll meet someone there, since the time and distance of college can and does separate people. In her mind, she may believe that sex might “secure” the relationship. (I say this not to create any stereotypes about young women; the point is that I HAVE known women…and men…who have done this.)

Or it’s possible that a number of her friends have already lost their virginity, and she’s afraid of being left out. As a guy, you’re more than likely aware of the pressure your gender puts on sex.

Or, maybe she just wants to use you for sex, in which case you REALLY shouldn’t do it. Here’s hoping this isn’t the case.

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Let me be the first guy to say "for the love of god man! go for it! " Life is too short; and trust me speaking as an older man; you don’t want to look back on your life when you’re old and impotent and say to yourself “Man why didn’t I go for that when I had the chance”

And as far as not knowing what to do? Well just get nekkid’ and the rest will come naturaly.:wink:

11

Yes life is too short! If you were a girl I might have a different opinion, but you are not as you stated so Go for it. Be wise, use protection! I am sure you don’t want any babies and or diseases, so cover that thing up. Remember this always, “practice makes perfect”. You aren’t going to be good at it right away, so relax and have fun.

12

There’s no reason to have sex if you don’t feel like it. Go with your instincts and your better judgement. For God’s sake, you’re a teenage boy; if the “go for it” side was even close to winning out, hormones would have made up your mind for you already. There is obviously a good reason that you haven’t said yes by now. Don’t let peer pressure override good sense.

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Why would your advice be different if he was a girl?

14

Well that’s a good question. I think it has alot to do with the fact that I am a female and lost my virginity at a very young age and I would have liked to have waited. But I am not a guy, but I know alot of guys, so I jokingly posted that the more they “hit” it, the better they get. :smiley: I guess it’s my open mindness talking.

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Good posts, for the most part … here’s hoping mine’s not redundant.

Two of the posters above are idiots – I apologize, gentlemen, but it seems to me you either didn’t read the OP or just don’t care about feelings. Either way, my judgement stands.

I’m a 20-year old male, and I was in your situation myself, SuperNova, just a few months ago. Most of my objections stemmed from religious reasons (I’m Catholic), but they were very real. I’m not trying to preach here, just explain what I was thinking.

Sex creates a bond. A part of yourself, literally, is given to the other person – and you can never have it back. Maybe you like that other person enough that you’re okay with this intimate sharing, or maybe you just don’t care. That’s fine … but with each act, you’ll keep losing part of yourself. Lose enough pieces … and who you are (and what you can give to the person you end up with) is diminished. Sex complicates things. It may seem clichéd, but it’s true.

I did decide to have sex with my girlfriend, for various rationalized reasons. Part of me still regrets it, not because she was the wrong person but because I feel it probably was too soon. We were both ready for it, but … there’s no turning back. That is to say, it can never be taken back and I (personally, YMMV) feel that I have to marry her now. (I was already planning too, so that’s not a problem, but … it’s set in stone, now.)

Feel free to email me or reply here, if you like. (That message is for SuperNova, anybody in a similar situation, or anybody who wants to express their disagreement with what I’ve said.)

16

Don’t do anything you aren’t ready for, you’ll only regret it later.

Something you may want to think about is what your requirements are. That is, what sort of sexual relationship or situation would you be comfortable in? You may find this more helpful than just trying to “follow your heart” or whatever.

17

I’m not going to agree with StephenG, but I do have to ask: how is that being open minded? No offense meant, igotit, but it seems to me that you’re implying that guys are only capable of having mindless, meaningless, emotionless sex, while them poor little princesses are apt to get their helpless hearts broken by us nymphomaniacal beasts. While that may or may not be an accurate generalization (I lean strongly toward the latter, for those keeping score), the OP seems to evidence the fact that the people concerned do not fit into it.

Be open minded like this: if you got hurt by it happening earlier than it should have, then so can SuperNova, regardless of his gender. Life is short, SN, but not nearly so short as your supply of virginities. Giving yours up because some girl you may not otherwise remember two years from now is haranguing you might not be the best idea.

Again, I’m a virgin myself, so I couldn’t say whether or not sex creates a bond, but I am pretty durn certain that it will change the dynamic of the relationship. If you think it’ll be a good change, and that you can handle it, then go for it. If not, then it’s worth it.

-Mysphyt

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cough Not worth it. Not. Got thrown off on that whole “thou shalt kill” thing, too.

19

Here’s the thing: Sex will change the dynamic of you relationship. It has changed already. She has asked for sex and if you are not willing to go there, you have to tell her that. Either she will be fine with it or she will leave you. In my experience, the question is going to stay out there and bother both of ou until one of you brings it up again or it is settled.

If you are not of a group that is against pre-marital sex, then you don’t really have a lot to worry about. No one is going to be a porn star on their forst try. She will most likely be more nervous than you are that first time. Sex is a complicated thing and it takes practice with each indvidual girl. You’ll get better with time.

–==the sax man==–

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Originally posted by StephenG(Bolding mine) “Sex creates a bond. A part of yourself, literally, is given to the other person – and you can never have it back. Maybe you like that other person enough that you’re okay with this intimate sharing, or maybe you just don’t care. That’s fine … but with each act, you’ll keep losing part of yourself. Lose enough pieces … and who you are (and what you can give to the person you end up with) is diminished. Sex complicates things. It may seem clichéd, but it’s true.”

I gotta’ disagree with you here, StephenG . In the proper relationship (and they’re not that rare) both parties will gain from a sexual relationship, and nothing will be lost. It’s a “renewable resource”.

As to the OP, I’ll quote my Grandpa: “When you get older and look back on life, it’s not the things you did that you’ll regret, it’s the things you didn’t do.” My .02 worth