After my fun night in a dorm room where the topic of sex was brought up a few times, I have come to the realization that being an 18 year old virgin, I’m screwed.
I’m going to Drexel in a week and a half, where the guy to girl ratio in the freshmen class will be 3 to 1 (1500 guys and only 500 girls! YAY!) That and from general conversation I get the distinct impression that EVERYONE has had some sexual experience. Everyone but me.
And so I’m doomed. My chances of finding a girl who has not only never had intercourse, but never given or received oral sex, or given a handjob or been fingered are…nil? I might as well assume it to be nil. All I want is to find someone who I can learn everything together WITH. Not be taught. The thought of my SO in the throes of passion with another person would kill me mentally.
But apparently I don’t get any say in the game. At fucking 18 I have my friends telling me this is an impossibility! AT FUCKING 18! And even so, how would I even find out that kind of information from a girl without getting involved with her.
I’m not like that guy who posted here a few days ago about only ever wanted to have sex with virgins. That isn’t right. If I lose my virginity to another virgin, and it doesn’t work out, I will definitely get over my issues. But I want my first…well…my first everything to be with someone who will be experiencing it for the first time as well. I have to wait, so I think I deserve a girl who’s been waiting for me.
Relax.
Sophomore in college over here. 19. I’m went to college a virgin (though a little bit more experienced than you). Many people I know here are still virgins. I would go as high as say half (a number I’m pulling out of my ass, I admit, but just based on my group of friends) of the people who go to college do so as virgins. I have a close friend who came in never having been kissed. And didn’t change that till late freshman year.
My current girlfriend of 10 months was fairly inexperienced. You will CERTAINLY find people in college who you can learn with.
That all being said, don’t worry if you end up doing anything with someone who’s already had sex. In many ways it’s better. They have an idea already what’s good and what’s not.
What’s far more annoying (from my personal experience) is the amount of cute girls who go into college still in a relationship from some person from their high school. But by Thanksgiving that’s not usually a problem…
Ha. Get used to it. As you get older you’ll find fewer and fewer virgins.
Anyway, while I know it would bug you, if there’s a girl you like you might not have a choice. Remember, just cause someone’s not a virgin doesn’t by any means mean that they’re a slut. Many girls who’ve had sex in high school have done it in just a single, committed, relationship.
Don’t instantly reject a girl merely because she’s had sex. If the thought of it may kill you, then don’t think about it. Because, I can promise you, at some point in your life you WILL have sex with someone who has had sex before. (unless you are one of the “no sex before marriage” people, but given your OP I doubt that).
The good news; she could have had sex with one, or half a dozen, you men and the two of you could learn about sex together. Just because she had lovers doesn’t mean they were any good. You’ll be much better together.
I think this is a completly immature attitude. And I’m sorry, I just don’t think you’re ready to have sex. I mean this in the kindest way, one 18 year old to another, but leave it for a few years.
You might not be really ready for sex, then, if you can’t deal with the idea that at one time in the past your lover was with someone else. See, at that point she’s with you and that should be what’s important. It’s not like she’s going to run off and be with that other guy after she’s done with you, now is she? That “thought of my SO in the throes of passion” bit is normally said by people who’ve been cheated on, and you haven’t been cheated on if the other guy was around before she even knew you existed.
Not to mention that I can wager with a fair degree of certainty that you’re not going to marry your first lover (not saying it doesn’t happen, just that it might well not), and then what will you do?
And personally, I think it’s better if you’re both not totally fumbling. Just my opinion though.
I didn’t lose mine until I was 18 either. You could use your naïveté to your advantage: be honest about your virginity to girls, and you might meet one who wants to pop your cherry for you. Worked for me! Or a fellow virgin who wants their first time to be with a virgin too.
My current SO wasn’t my first, and although he admits that he wishes he had been (I was his first) he doesn’t dwell on it. I doubt that a girl who’s had sex once or twice will know everything there is to know about sex, so you’ll probably still be able to discover things together.
But 18 year olds without much sexual experience aren’t as rare as your friends seem to think they are. I’m 20 and out of my immediate circle of friends I can think of two who’ve never had boyfriends.
In my experience though, guys who are “mentally killed” by the thought of their potential SO’s past experience also tend to be needy and insecure boyfriends. I think you might have a lot more luck with women if you worked on your hang-ups first.
I know a lot of people who were virgins when they started college, (I know I was.) and it’s really not that big a deal. If you meet a girl who is cool and who likes you, are you really going to refuse to have sex with her because she’s not a virgin? That seems sort of silly. It also won’t improve your dating situation to ask girls about their sexual experiences early in a budding relationship, or to reject people just because “it would kill you” to imagine them with someone else. (If a “real” relationship is what you’re looking for. If you want a short term/one night stand with a virgin, good freaking luck!)
As for Drexels m/f ratio, it’s a non-issue. Just wander over to Penn and look for girls. I’m SURE you can find inexperienced girls there, if that’s what you’re looking for.
You’re 18 and worried about being a virgin? Relax. I made it until the positively ANCIENT age of 25. And I know there are people on this board of both sexes who were (or are) late bloomers. I’m willing to bet half of what you think your friends have been up to is exaggeration, because do YOU want to admit to being a virgin? Didn’t think so! They wouldn’t either, now would they?
And consider – you’re all worried about being a virgin, but you don’t want to consider a girlfriend who has any experience? How are YOU supposed to have any experience if YOU can have sex but for some reason she can’t?
But mostly relax. I waited for a really great person – well, things didn’t work out well in the end, but he was a sweetie at the time – and think that’s probably much better than looking for a dick anyplace I could find it. I HAVE had an opportunity or two at just sex, but I’m one of those weirdos who wants a relationship BEFORE the nookie.
I don’t have luck with women because I’m too shy to approach them. If I weren’t shy I wouldn’t have these hang-ups because I probably would have already lost my virginity.
Apparently you also missed the bit where I said I’m not like that guy who made the thread a few days ago about NEVER wanting a “touched” girl, dispite the fact that he has had numerous sexual partners. I want my first time to be with someone just as inexperienced as me. My FIRST time. I really don’t think that’s too much to ask. As for what happens if that relationship ends…well…one step at a time.
If you meet someone and really like them, then surely it won’t matter one bit whether or not they are a virgin. The experience will mean much more to you if you’re doing it with someone you love, virgin or not, rather than just for the sake of losing your virginity.
Like others have already said, the jealousy over being with someone who has already been “in the throes of passion with someone else” is natural, but wrong. You’ve got to teach yourself to simply not think about it. If you’re with someone who has had sex before, don’t assume that it was hot, passionate sex. It could just have easily been terrible awkward sex for all you know.
If you focus on really being with the person you’re with, learning what they like and trying new things, they’ll quickly forget anyone they were with before you. A virgin who is eager to learn is nearly always better than someone with experience going through the motions. It’s better to be someone’s best than to be someone’s first.
Oh, and 18 is nothing. You’re fine. Sure, lots of people have had experience, but lots of people haven’t. And many women love the idea of being someone’s first – once you start fooling around with someone, just mention that you don’t have much experience and tell her to feel free to show you what she likes.
Yes, or I could fail at that and then two or three years down the road if the relationship doesn’t last I won’t be remembered for anything. At least you’re guarenteed to be remembered if you’re the first.
I’ve got news for you, cowboy – The first time for a woman may be almost always memorable, but it is only rarely a great memory. The female physiology means that many women do not find the first experience of lovemaking to be, shall we say, as fun as it later turns out to be. If you catch my unsubtle drift. So I wouldn’t aim at being some girl’s memorable first, because you don’t really know why she remembers it so well, do you?
And add me to the list of people who think it’s a wee bit immature of you to be quite so concerned with who is teaching whom. If you care for the girl, and she makes you feel good, and you want to make her feel good – well, there you go, right? Go get busy, but protect yourself (and her). For you to expect, much less insist, that the girl who is your first be absolutely pure is – well, it’s silly. And irrational. And, frankly, unrealistic. Because, as you so rightly point out, how are you going to know in advance?
Maybe you should ask your prospective bed-fellows to fill out a check list first. “Please circle all that apply: I have: Had intercourse/ given or received oral sex/ given or received manual sex (by someone other than myself)/ been fingered (by someone other than myself) . . . .”
