Was your first sexual experience with a fellow virgin?
If not, did you feel extra pressure? Intimidation?
Were you at all put off by the fact that your partner had already been with another?
I’m asking this because I’m an 18 year old virgin, so odds are, when I have sex, it’s probably going to be with a girl who’s already had sex with another guy. I can’t say I’m totally comfortable with that thought. In fact, I’m really afraid. And apparently that’s not normal. So I’d just like to get some insight from you guys.
Relax. It’s cliche to say, but it happens to everyone. At the age of 18, you don’t really have too much to worry about anyway- I know loads of people who were that age or older when they had their first encounter. I think I was 18, actually. Or 16 or 17. The point is, 18 isn’t beyond the point of no return.
I disagree here. I think it’s mind-numbingly normal. Haven’t you ever watched a cheesy teen movie? Guys are always terrified before their first time, regardless of the experience level of the girl. I say, just take your time. Hopefully, since you’ll be having sex with this person, you should be on pretty good terms with them. So it shouldn’t be too hard to say, “Hey, it’s my first time, let’s try the introductory package.” That’s what I did, and she was pretty cool about it- she being the girl, obviously. The girl I had sex with. Pay attention. If the girl’s a virgin too, you’ve got nothing to worry about, you can bumble through it together. If she’s experienced, you can let her kind of walk you through it. And it won’t be a big deal, especially if you keep it simple.
Well, I’m not a guy, but my first sexual experience was when I was very young, with a guy who was a non virgin. I felt a little intimidated (I wanted to be good , whatever that means!) but as a girl I was more worried about the pain factor. It didn’t bother me at all that my boyfriend of the time had been with other girls. Past is past, right?
The only advice I can really give you is to relax . Don’t believe that your very first attempt at lovemaking will be wonderful, earth shattering, and result in multiple orgasms. More often than not, the first time is a little awkward and nerve racking. If you don’t put too many expectations on your first time, you will be less likely to be disappointed.
And chill! My most recent ex was a virgin when I met him. He was sweet enough to tell me before anything happened between us (which really wasn’t nessesary, but was very considerate of him) so I was very gentle and considerate when we finally did sleep together, and knew to be understanding if things didn’t go, for lack of a better phrase, “to plan.”
Don’t lie about your virginity. You’ll find most girls won’t care at all! And leave the past in the past. If your lover has been with others before you, what does it matter? Just be sure to use those condoms!
My first time was with a girl with a bit more experience than me (she was quite a bit older) and I found that it was great. She was very chilled and also liked the fact that she could ‘train’ me to do what actually pleased her rather than endure the ‘moves’ that some lothario with a grossly exagerated opinion of his talents might use. Having someone else take the lead when you are inexperienced is the best way IMO - I learnt a lot and learnt fast…18 year olds are very eager students when it comes to these sort of lessons!
Trust me, there are 18 year old female virgins. Yes, the late teens and very early twenties are prime years for having sex, but that doesn’t mean everybody’s done it by the time they hit college. In fact, in my little clump o’ friends (male and female), all but 3 or 4 of us were virgins until college.
The first time with a new partner is likely to be awkward, even if you’ve both got experience. That whole figuring out if this one likes what the last one liked thing, you know.
My first time, he wasn’t technically a virgin. He’d had sex once, with an extremely-ex ex, but apparently neither of them intended for it to happen. (How you accidentally have sex with someone, I still don’t understand, but that’s really neither here nor there.) Did I feel extra pressure or intimidation? No, I’d heard plenty of horror stories about how painful the first time tended to be, and was quite concerned about the whole thing already, thank you very much.
And no, I wasn’t put off by the fact that he’d had a previous encounter, but was somewhat put off by the circumstances surrounding it. If it had been in the context of an ongoing relationship, I wouldn’t have thought anything about it, but the idea of a one-off with someone you haven’t been involved with for a couple years kind of bothered me.
Yes, although he was 5 years older than me, and in retrospect I think it was a good thing because we were both very open and learned together. When I hear of some of the horror stories that people go through in their early years, I feel very lucky to have had a gentle learning curve over 3 years with someone who cared deeply for me. Having said that, it’s not easy if you both still live with parents (you have to be, um, very inventive
My first time was with an older, more experienced woman. I did feel a bit nervous about being able to live up to her hopes/expectations, but that probably wouldn’t have been any different had she been a virgin. I wasn’t the least but put off by her previous experience. On the contrary, since she seduced me, I was flattered and honored that such a beautiful woman was interested in me. And, she taught me a lot about pleasing a woman, and how a woman can please a man. Things that two virgins would take much longer to discover.
I’m not really clear on why you’re uncomfortable with the thought of your first partner being experienced. Religious/moral issues? You could always wait until you meet a woman who shares your beliefs. Worried you’ll “suffer by comparison” to her previous lovers? If you choose the woman wisely, you don’t need to worry about that. Worried about disease? Same answer as the previous one, plus a condom (which is a good idea, anyway).
Some fear is natural (or “normal”, if you prefer), under the circumstances. No one likes to embarass themselves, and we all worry about doing so. But, most of us don’t, and those who do manage to live through it. If you choose the right woman, she’ll even help you live through it, should you happen to be one of the unfortunate ones. So, don’t let that fear keep you out of the game. Sex is a wonderful, natural experience (or a wonderful, un-natural experience, if that’s your taste), once you get past the initial nervousness.
Oh, and before you ask, the “right woman” I’ve been referring to is one who truly cares for you.
It’s just the whole thought of her with someone else that makes me uncomfortable. Call it an extremely advanced case of jealousy, but I don’t like the image of her in the throws of passion with someone else. :\
There are 18 year old virgins out there…one is typing at the moment. I have plenty of friends older than I that haven’t had sex yet. I think an 18 year old man is a little harder to find, so don’t waste lossing it on someone who isn’t worth it
Then don’t think about it! I’ll never understand men who act like this. Yes, the women you meet will have had lives before meeting you. Get over it. Oh, and don’t ask how you compare “size-wise” to her past lovers either (I know you want to).
Well, it sounds like you’d best hold out for a virgin, then. And, hope the relationship lasts the rest of your life. FWIW, most of us don’t like the thought of our lovers with someone else, but we deal with it.
Oh, and it’s “throes”, unless she’s passionately throwing a fit.
My SO was 19 and I was 16 when I lost my virginity. He’s a gentleman and it was 6 months before we did the ‘deed’. I lied to him though, and told him it wasn’t my first time. I think I didn’t want to feel patronised. It was ok , nothing to really get excited about.
I’ve since told him the truth (we’ve been married nearly 9 years now) and he was horrified that I hadn’t told him. He says he would have gone about it differently. Not entirely sure I want to know what he means by that!!
Once you’ve had one partner, then any woman you’re with will have to think about you in the throes of passion with another woman. So either a) find a virgin, b) get over it, or c) grit your teeth through the first time and then it’ll be moot.
Of course, option c may not work. You might have sex with someone and then still be “jealous” of your next partner’s previous encounters. I know I had a bit of a problem with a GF having had 3 times the number of partners that I’d had. Didn’t help that she talked about how great some of the experiences were. But I talked about it with her, explained why it bothered me, and with a little work on her part and mine, I got over it.
People will tell you that jealousy is stupid and wrong, and for the most part they’re right – but most of them fail to understand that it’s also very real. You can’t just wish it away; it takes conscious effort over a long time.
Wait 'til you’re married! You and your virgin bride will have much much more to share than the typical couples that usually get divorced. I believe that you’re likelihood of staying married increases very significantly if you wait, and this applies even more so to women who wait. And yes, there are virgins available in their twenties. In the long run, you will probably be much more satisfied and grateful for you decision. Don’t believe the movies, that you’re only happy if you’re having sex all the time. Hollywood is full of tragic stories, and you are a unique person with more to offer than a generic movie-lifestyle. And even if your bride-to-be is not virgin, you’ll still have a much greater bond together for watching after yourself and waiting until you’re married. IMHO.
I was 15 when I had my first encounter with another virgin. The first time was awful. We couldn’t figure out how to do it right. Parts just did not fit in pieces. The second time we figured it out and went at it like bunnies. This was about 25 years ago.
The best sex I have ever had has been in my 40’s. I’m glad I had practive before turning 40!
Well, I guess it’s easy for me to dismiss it since if the thought of the person I’m with being in the throes of passion with another man enters my mind, I’m thinking “hot!”.
