As I mentioned in one of the shaving threads, my first partner was older than I and (I found out later) I was her sixth. I was old enough that she made the natural assumption that I was not a virgin and the topic never came up beforehand. About six months later when it did, I admitted that she was my first. She just commented that there were some fumbles at first, but no more than her other partners, so I guess I carried it off pretty well.
I guess the point is, if you’re going to obsess on whether you stack up favorably against your lover’s previous partners, then pick another virgin, and either stick with him/her the rest of your lives or take the chance that your next partner might reject you for the very same reason – they don’t want to be compared to.
You are NOT the Lone Virgin at 18. Don’t worry. I’m willing to bet a lot of the guys you know who you think have Done It haven’t.
I was 25 my first time. The guy was considerably older but not widely experienced, and very sweet about the whole thing. (I’m female.) I’m actually glad my first time wasn’t with another virgin, just because that meant he had more of an idea what to do than I did; I had all sorts of theoretical knowledge but you don’t really know until you Do It.
The first time? Not great. It got better. Like anything really worth doing, it takes practice.
My first was my 20 year old fiance (I was also 20) and we were both virgins. In love, relaxed, committed, in my apartment, no pressure, 6 months before the wedding…it was awful. We had been kissing and teasing each other for months and wanted our first time to be special and unhurried. It was awful. We had been stimulating each other to orgasm for weeks and were comfortable with our bodies. It was awful. For both of us. We talked to each other but it hurt me and upset us both. It’s amazing that we kept trying.
My first was with a guy I was crazy about, and had been rather heavily involved with for 6 months beforehand. I totally trusted him, and wouldn’t have considered it otherwise. I mean, how can you not trust a 19-year-old guy who’d been with lots of other people, but still managed to peel you off him when you were trying to have your way with him, saying that the timing was wrong and you’d regret it later if you didn’t wait?
I still have no regrets about that decision, and although he’s married to someone else and lives 1200 miles away, I still consider him among my close friends and can talk to him, or his wife, about absolutely anything (and frequently do).
IMO your first time should be with someone with whom you feel completely comfortable. That will definitely cut down on the performance anxiety, whether or not she is more experienced than you.
Oh, and please stop beating yourself up about “still” being a virgin at 18. Only a small handful of my circle of friends had lost their virginity by 18; most were in college when they did, and there were a few who held out even longer. The record (that I know of, anyway) is age 26.
