Originally posted by StephenG(Bolding mine) “Sex creates a bond. A part of yourself, literally, is given to the other person – and you can never have it back. Maybe you like that other person enough that you’re okay with this intimate sharing, or maybe you just don’t care. That’s fine … but with each act, you’ll keep losing part of yourself. Lose enough pieces … and who you are (and what you can give to the person you end up with) is diminished. Sex complicates things. It may seem clichéd, but it’s true.”
I gotta’ disagree with you here, StephenG . In the proper relationship (and they’re not that rare) both parties will gain from a sexual relationship, and nothing will be lost. It’s a “renewable resource”.
As to the OP, I’ll quote my Grandpa: “When you get older and look back on life, it’s not the things you did that you’ll regret, it’s the things you didn’t do.” My .02 worth
Originally posted by StephenG(Bolding mine) “Sex creates a bond. A part of yourself, literally, is given to the other person – and you can never have it back. Maybe you like that other person enough that you’re okay with this intimate sharing, or maybe you just don’t care. That’s fine … but with each act, you’ll keep losing part of yourself. Lose enough pieces … and who you are (and what you can give to the person you end up with) is diminished. Sex complicates things. It may seem clichéd, but it’s true.”
I gotta’ disagree with you here, StephenG . In the proper relationship (and they’re not that rare) both parties will gain from a sexual relationship, and nothing will be lost. It’s a “renewable resource”.
As to the OP, I’ll quote my Grandpa: “When you get older and look back on life, it’s not the things you did that you’ll regret, it’s the things you didn’t do.” My .02 worth
One of the things I regret most about my last relationship is that I finally let my gf talk me into having sex with her.
I don’t know what your relationship is like… and speaking for myself an emotional relationship that develops into sex is much better than a physical relationship where one party uses sex to fix emotional issues and where the other party figures that if they can’t have emotional closeness sex is the best they can do.
General rule of thumb, if it doesn’t feel right… don’t do it. You’ll feel better.
Screw the societal view of virginity… being with someone you’re comfortable with is what you want.
In many of the relationships that I’ve been in, sex (or more appropriately–making love) has actually enriched our relationship. I dunno…somehow after a night of physically expressing our love for each other, we’ve felt closer than we had ever been. Sex isn’t just about how good it makes you feel. It’s also about giving pleasure to someone you care about.
But, like others have said…if you don’t feel ready, then you’re not. I don’t know exactly what your positon is here–is it just the act of penetration itself that you’re holding back on? The old “in-and-out”? Because, believe me, there are a lot of other ways you & your girlfriend can have fun together. Heck, I know a lot of people who prefer oral sex and manual stimulation to intercourse. Have fun that way! You can relieve your girlfriend’s horniness, and still keep your virginity intact…a win/win situation!
I’d generally agree. But, I think there are bad reasons not to want to have sex. If you’re afraid she has teeth down there and will bite your weenie off, that’s really not a good reason.
Not that I think he means anything like that, but in trying to make a decision as important as this I think it’s best to try to examine your motivations.
Clearly our young stud wants to have sex, but something is holding him back.
It might simply be fear that he won’t live up to her standards, or it might be something like moral doubts, or fear of disease, or what have you.
I don’t think we can really offer any good advice until we understand his conundrum.
But I agree with you in essence, that having sex should be a positive decision and not a default behavior.
I would first take her to Planned Parenthood or a clinic for a through STD test & discussion of proper birth control methods. If she won’t do this, I wouldn’t have sex with her-not that I can legally in my state-- you want to be a dad?
You might want to revisit the legal aspect too. You said that in Mass the age was sixteen, but what are the laws in Connecticut? 'Cause if you decide to do the deed, odds are you’ll eventually do it in your home state. I’d hate to see you brought up on transporting minors across state lines for illicit purposes.
My first time was in similar circumstances. Get some protection and go hit that shit!
All of my regrets from that age stem from being too reserved with girls and missing out on opportunities that I had. If I may quote Gibby Haynes (and he has never steered me wrong yet) “It’s better to regret something you have done than regret something you haven’t done”
And notice Why A Duck’s post. Very Important.
[sub]STEP RIGHT UP! Be first in line to bash me for saying “Hit that shit”. Win a prize![/sub]
SuperNova, how do you feel about the fact that she’s doing the asking, that she’s younger than you, that she’s a girl? I wonder if you might have subconscious feelings about gender roles and appropriate behavior for both of you. I’m not talking about morality; I’m just throwing out an idea here. Maybe sex is a game to her; maybe she has low self-esteem and thinks this is how all romantic relationships are supposed to proceed; maybe she’s afraid people will think there’s something wrong with the two of you if you’re not in a sexual relationship. Don’t react to peer pressure; instead, act on your own judgment and common sense.
Personally I think you should wait. Even if you are 18 I think you’re awfully young, and remembering who I was when I was 16 just makes her sound scarier to me. I would never want my daughter to be so “worldly” and so casual about sex at that age. Everybody was a horny (or at least lonely, or curious or whatever) teenager; that’s irrelevant. Even if you don’t wait until marriage to have sex, you will always have to bear in mind your responsibilities with regard to unwanted pregnancy and your partners’ sexual histories. That’s the adult thing to do.
I’m sorry, but sex is sex-I don’t care what Bill Clinton said.
It’s still an incredibly personal and intense act-even if no actual penetration occurs-and it can still have the same effect.
As for regretting the things you DIDN’T do, most of the people I’ve spoken to who had sex after being pressured-interested in doing so, but didn’t feel quite ready-wish they had waited.
I guess I should make a point about my post. If the only thing preventing you is your lack of experience and fear of not performing well, don’t let that stop you.
If you have other moral issues or you don’t want to for any other reason, thrn ignore my previous post.
If you are pressured into doing something you don’t want to, you probably won’t enjoy it. But if you want to and your own self doubt is the only thing in your way, then I say go for it.
a girl here, posting “follow your heart”
Think about it completely and absolutely.
There will be plenty of time later for sex, love, etc.
Just a thought and a question:
no contraception is 100% effective.
what if worst came to worst and she became pregnant…
are you ready to spend a lifetime (in or out of marriage) in raising this child with her?
Your honesty and candor are refreshing. I think it’s very wise to wait. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. You show maturity in recognizing that about yourself. When you are emotionally mature enough for it, and in a mutually caring relationship with somone also mature enough to make those choices it’s a different matter. Sex with just anyone can be a forgettable experience. Sex with the right person and right circumstances is incredible.
I have Ripper’s rant about “purity of essence” from the great Dr. Strangelove running through my head. But that makes me smile, so it’s a good thing.
Topicwise, this is a conversation you should be having with your girlfriend, not a gaggle of internet folk. If the dynamic of the relationship doesn’t support that sort of conversation…well, mileages vary, etc., but I think that right there will tell you a lot about whether or not hesitation about proceeding is justified.
As a parent who has had to deal with a child’s STD recently, I have to weigh in and say don’t. I wish my child had not had sex at 16. She wishes she had not had sex at 16. Remember that there are STD’s like HPV that are not stopped by a condom…and the results can be devastating…from warts to cervical cancer.
When you consider that you have about 80 more years to enjoy sex, waiting a while longer for the right person, right situation is not that horrible an experience. But if your girlfriend is experienced at 16, she may already have HPV and not know it for years…and there are no tests to detect it. What if she gives it to you…five years later you give it to your wife…she develops cervical cancer and loses her ability to have children. I know, I know…worst case scenario, fear-mongering…but is all the possible pain worth it to lose your virginity to someone who is pressuring you , or to save face with the guys?
