My girlfriend wants me to have sex with her, and I don't know what to do!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

I thank you all for the advice you’ve given. Feel free to continue if you have anything else to say.

Answering some questions, first off there is no moral reason I would abstain. I am not very religious and fully anticipate having sex some time before I marry. I am not worried about performance either… everyone has a first time, and that first time is bound to be a poor performance. She knows I’m a virgin.

I guess, after reading the posts, what I am worried about most are the repercussions. I am very eager to have sex, but not to have my life changed by some disease or a baby. I think that in the end I will decide to go for it, but I intend to take the safest route possible. If this means going to a clinic and getting blood work done, so be it. I also will explore various methods of birth control (any advice here would also be welcome) to see what works the best… and Why A Duck, you are right about the law. I found that out myself yesterday. I have no intention of committing rape, as it would be considered in Connecticut. Would be a pointless risk.

Keep advice coming… cause I’m still reading everything… I havn’t made any choice for certain yet. Thanks everyone.

42

Ah, to be 18, with a GF asking for sex. Not a bad place.

Sooooo, are you in doubt because you are not sure how important this person is to you, or is it as other have said, performance anxiety? If its the latter, and you are confortable with the person, put it aside! You’ll have a great experience if you are with someone who gives a hoot about you. Matter of fact, you may be lookin at some of the best nookie of your life - at 18 and 16 the two of you are not subject to a whole bunch o’ stuff that creeps into people’s minds when they are older…I have to say that in a few relationships I’ve seen some girls act strange later in life, and done some weinrd things myself to spoil an everning or two, but I don’t recall any such stuff at 18 - it was pure joy. (Luckily, now been with my wife for some time, and we get along well, but been through strange stuff before).

You should be sure that you two are comfortable with each other, and go forth! Onward and downward!! No, seriously, I don;t want ot make a joke of your feelings, jutst poiting out this can be a tremendous time in your life.

Best to you and your GF.

43

You have been given three worthwhile pieces of advice.

  1. If you don’t feel ready, then you aren’t, and you shouldn’t let anyone pressure you.

  2. In later life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do much more than the things you did.

  3. You don’t want an unwanted pregnancy or a nasty disease, so whatever you do take the relevant precautions.

The only problem you may have is joining them all together. Here’s my two cents. I’m a very old person of 40 summers.

(1) and (3) are both good advice, and very sound. Follow them.

(2) is also pretty sound, in my experience, but I’d say wait until you’re about 18 or 19 before you start making it a guiding principle in your life. At the moment, and this isn’t patronising you, you’re going through so many frothy hormonal changes and finding out so much about yourself that (3) is a little bit risky. Give yourself a couple of simmering down years, and then take (3) on board. I can think back on a few women I had sex with and a few where I could have but didn’t. My oh my, it’s the “didn’t” that irritates me every time!

44

And please, for goodness sake, when this whole matter is sorted out, someone teach me to type.

45

Yep, that’s my advice.

I agree with ianzin’s list. With one notable exception, I regret the things I didn’t do far more than the things I did do. And the thing that I regret was done with voices screaming in my head “Don’t do this! Stop now before it’s too late!”

If you’re hesitating, ask yourself why. If the reason is that you don’t want to do it, you’re not ready, whatever, then don’t do it. There’s nothing wrong with that–actually, paying attention to yourself and understanding what you need is a very healthy thing to do.

[sub]I should try it sometime.[/sub]

If the reason you’re hesitating is because you’re concerned about pregnancy and diseases, bravo. See a family planning clinic near you. (Depending on where you are in CT, I might be able to recommend one.) Make an appointment to just talk to them (spend the bucks, it’s worth it,) and go in with a list of questions about birth control, STDs, and anything else you’re wondering about. Write the questions down, because otherwise you’ll do what I always do and remember the questions when you walk out the door.

What they should tell you is that sex is risky. You can reduce the risks, but there is always the chance that she will get pregnant, you will get a disease, or a cop will shine a flashlight in your fogged-up window.

Hopefully they’ll give you instructions on using a condom, too, and let you try it out, presumably on another object which is roughly the appropriate size and shape. Condom usage is not intuitive, it isn’t easy the first time you try it, and it’s easy to do it wrong every time. Unroll it the wrong way, be a little careless with a fingernail (or with teeth, if you’re in a hurry to tear the package open,) or make other mistakes, and you’re left with an ex-condom pretty quickly. Practice a few times, and you won’t be nearly as nervous when the moment comes.

If you think about it and decide that you’re ready, and if you’re comfortable with the protection you’ve got, and if you’ve got the legal age thing figured out (I’m sure she wouldn’t lie, but she might be mistaken… you might want to check to be sure,) and if she’s still comfortable with the idea… <whew!>… go for it.

And if you think about it and decide to wait, then wait. If she doesn’t understand, that’s her problem, not yours.

46

The trick is to use both your hands for typing. :wink:

47

Frankly, I don’t think people should have sex until they can support the child that may come about from the mating. Otherwise, the tax payers have to do this.

48

Holy Mavis Batman, you’ve done it! Another mystery solved. I will never commit anither tipo agin!

49

I am by no means old, but I regret things I didn’t do at 18, hell I regret things I didn’t do last weekend.
As for following your heart, what horse crap!! she’s 16, your’e 18 you both will go your seperat ways in a very short time. Wear you raincoat and go for it. If you don’t then you find find yourself with a different woman (yes you will eventually break up and find an adult type woman) a few years down the road saying “now I am a 20 year old virgin and don’t know if I can perform”
get it over with and get on with you life

50

I don’t really have any advice aside from what’s already been said…

Instead I’d like to thank you for calling me out on my adherence to that double standard.

You know, the one that somehow dictates that it’s OK for a girl to say no, whereas a guy who doesn’t want to get it on is some sort of a freak. Sure, we can chalk it up to Biology (Female must choose carefully whose seed she will bear, Male must spread his seed so that many females can share in his studly baby-making magic), but I do think there’s something to be said for EVOLUTION…

Quite honestly, my first instinct was to tell you to follow your gut–wait if you want to, and don’t worry about what anybody thinks, by golly.

And that’s still my advice…

…but it makes me a hypocrite. I pretty much walked away from the last guy I dated for the same reason–he wasn’t dropping the drawers. I mean, granted, there were many other factors at work in that situation, which

a) made us a less-than-ideal match, and

b) made it COMPLETELY CONFUSING that he didn’t want to get it on with me

…but I won’t go into those now, because this is about YOU.

However, I will say that my friends and I had a little mini hey-day analyzing (and bashing) this guy for his reluctance to have sex, which is something we wouldn’t have done if he’d been a girl…

So thanks, for revealing me to be the hypocrite that I am, and for making me rethink a few of my attitudes.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

51

Short answer: DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

Long answer: Don’t. Seriously, you have all the time you want to have sex when you want it. Its supposed to be light hearted fun. If its a huge deal with even a taste of uncertainness on the part of either party, DON’T DO IT!!! (For future referance, this goes for any sex act of any kind and double for any kink.)

Beyond that, despite what anyone may tell you it’s not a huge deal that you rid yourself of the burden :rolleyes: right this instant. Have sex when you feel happy and ready to. Until then, don’t. You will live to regret it. Its not a huge regret, but why regret something you can avoid?

As for pressure, you’re spot on when you say you’re getting the same responce I’d give a girl. I don’t care who is applying pressure on who its WRONG. Its Coersion, and while it may ormay not be illegal, its unethical and WRONG as all get out. I’m a consent nazi, if I even think my partner means no when they say yes I’m done. If you have to think about it, its not worth it to try.

Sex is fun, its all the baggage that comes along with doing something you don’t want to that makes sex even halfway serious. Don’t add baggage. Don’t have sex until you want to, mentally and emotionally.

For the poll, I’m 20, lost my virginity when I was 16 to a more experianced partner. I’m unscarred. That partner lost his by getting drunk, passing out and opening his eyes to discover some drunk chick on his dick. I got my monster consent issues from him.

52

And both of you could be pleasantly surprised. While practice doesn’t hurt technique, thoughtful, careful, loving parnters are wonderful even before they’ve experianced the entire Karma Sutra.

On a related note:

[quote]
Originally posted by smegmum V**
As for following your heart, what horse crap!! she’s 16, your’e 18 you both will go your seperat ways in a very short time. Wear you raincoat and go for it. If you don’t then you find find yourself with a different woman (yes you will eventually break up and find an adult type woman) a few years down the road saying “now I am a 20 year old virgin and don’t know if I can perform”**

Oh yea, facing potential mental and emotional damage as well as physical disease is SOOO worth ditching the horrible curse of virginity before you’re so over the hill as 20! My all time favorite bed partner didn’t lose his virginity until I met him. He was over 20 and did just fine, thank you. He remains a considerate, observant, caring, sensitive person as well as being brilliant, witty, and hot. Being so high quality he was/is picky about who he dates/sleeps with. Just didn’t meet any one up to his standards. (God knows how I made the cut.)

Sex is supposed to be fun, not a race, not a badge of honor, not a manipulation tool, just fun. In my experiance bringing the right attitude to the table is far more fulfilling than any rule of thumb, physical or age.

If you’re really concerned about STD’s etc, yes, hit a clinic and get full work ups on everyone involved. (I hate doing this because drawing blood from me is worse than pulling teeth, and then I walk around bruisedup to both armpits for several weeks, but you do what you have to.)

Methods of birth control, for full on safety’s sake, use several, condoms and a back up. Unfortunately, all the back ups are better designed for your GF than for you, so you have to get her in on it. There are pros and cons to all of them, my two favorite being the Pill (mmm…orthotricyclin) and Depo Provera. While I was younger, more airheaded, and living at home it was better for me to be on Depo, becausemy parents could more easily apply our home’s version of the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy. Since I’ve grown up and gotten out I’ve switched to the Pill, but it has a higher possibility of human error. (And in a nearly related side note, your honey has to watch the other meds she’s on with any birth control… from personal experiance antibiotics kill the effectiveness of the Pill. I didn’t get pregnant, but it was certainly an annoyance.)

Good fuck. (heh. I made a funny.)