Or maybe there are people on this board (of either sex) that think not every single thread has to fit the taste of every single member of the board and that if there is a thread topic one doesn’t like one can simply stop reading that thread instead of insisting that people shut up because one doesn’t like the topic. This is supposed to be the Straight Dope Message Board, not the Anodyne Pablum Message Board.
Raunchy talk is like the stupid memes this board has - they have a way of cropping up in every conversation if you let them. Some people (mostly men) tend to want to brag or color their conversation with somewhat misogynistic remarks - the infamous “locker-room talk” as it were. It’s that tone and the incessant need to add that content everywhere that this board started cracking down on because allowing it was driving off women members and encouraging more casual misogyny to abound.
Note that his remark wasn’t “I want to date” or “I want to have sex with women,” it was “I want pv$$y”. It’s that level of casual objectivication that was proliferating across the board that got called out.
Most threads here aren’t men’s locker rooms. They don’t deserve “locker-room talk”.
If you want to make a sex thread, be my guest. If you want to bring it up in a vulgar way in an unrelated thread, I’m sure there are plenty of other places that will accommodate you
That quote in particular gave the entire post a performative quality that makes it hard for me to believe it was a sincere post and not an attempt to trigger or reaction. It was so over the top, it seemed like something a poorly written character would say.
But imagine that the majority of posters are women, and they often insert swipes against men, objectifying men, making anti-male jokes they believe any woman would find amusing, in any thread. How long would you cheerfully ignore the general tone?
How do you imagine women would feel scrolling past thread titles like I Want Pussy?
But they aren’t coperate boardrooms, either. Sometimes moderation seems to come from that culture. There needs to be a medium area between free-for-all comments and comments carefully policed so as not to envoke HR.
No there doesn’t. The vast majority seem to like it how it is.
Agreed.
I never gave talking about sex much thought until my late sixties, Now I can think of a lot of related topics that would interest me, a lot of the rules seem to change as we age.
Maybe not. How about a community party with mixed attendance and people wandering around and mixing ad hoc? While it’s possible to grab a group of your buddies and have a little “pussy” talk, you don’t walk around and insert that in every conversation.
- “Oh hey, how is little Johnny’s baseball team doing?”
- “Not bad for a group of six year olds. You know how fun T- ball can be to watch.”
- “Not as fun as getting pv$$y, amirite?”
And if you and your buddies get a little loud, expect someone to tell you to cool it, or take it over there.
I agree with the current rules in theory, but I think they’ve had a bit of a chilling effect in terms of what people feel they can post about. I remember some of the most interesting and funny threads in the past were sex-relaxed, and I don’t see those kinds of threads getting started any more. It feels like the sexuality part of life has been cut off.
To be clear, the moderation I imposed in the subject thread had to do with the misogynistic, dehumanizing and demeaning-to-women language chosen by the poster. It had nothing to do with the fact that sex was being discussed.
I don’t think that a mod note telling him to “dial it back” should be bootstrapped into a complaint that we are somehow averse to discussions about sexuality in general. I’m not, and I don’t think other mods are, either.
This post in particular had me wondering if Shagnasty had rejoined us, under another name. (Maybe he returned and I haven’t seen his posts?)
Good point and I think that we have lost sight of that. Had he said, “and I want to go on lots of dates” there wouldn’t have been a Note, correct?
Oh, that note was 1000% warranted.
I never meant to imply otherwise.
How long can humans go without talking about sex? I think I’ve made it to 2 or 3 a few times, when the people in the room were asleep.
Exactly right. It’s not the fact that sex is under discussion. It’s how a poster chooses to express their points about sex.
We needn’t be clinical, but we do expect posters to be respectful in their comments and not demean or devalue others. If that gives some posters pause about whether or not to engage in such a discussion, well, maybe it should.
I didn’t think you did, but I could see how some might take what you said and use it as a springboard to complain that the mods are prudish and don’t want posters to discuss sex. It simply isn’t the case, and I wanted to make that crystal clear.
Some of us remember Evil Captor. No matter what topic we were discussing, he’d post in to drag his dick through the thread. The human experience, not to exclude its sexual aspect, deserves be expressed, not suppressed, but dude… seriously.
I don’t think the mods practice knee-jerk Comstockery, although I miss the sex humor that, when it didn’t derail the topic, liven it up. One point of view is that sex is a big joke that God’s played on us (in revenge for eating of the Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge), while an opposing, not entirely invalid view is that sex is too often a weapon wielded by men against women.
It’s not my message board and not my place to suggest, and its managers have endorsed a “no bright line” philosophy in regards to prohibited writing. But I have made consent the bright line in my own interactions with people. Anything that endorses or encourages its violation naturally overwhelms my MYOB instincts. Peddle that shit elsewhere.
(As far as the misogyny… hopeless romantic that I am, back in Jr. high/HS, when I connected with a girl I always went away with the understanding that we’d given something intimate and special. Her smell that was left on me, and the other memories, were profound and important. So then when the other boys swooped in for the “whad-ja get?” Interrogation, seeking information to place her somewhere in the school slut hierarchy, I’d be disgusted. That remains my seminal understanding of misogyny.
And yet, those were dumb kids. Now in middle age I’ve been made aware that grown women betray sexual confidences, nay chortle them: to women coworkers, family members, hair salon employees and women strangers in the next chair; not much differently than the boys at the lockers. Proof that when God makes a joke, he milks the punchline like a true master.)
I think that there is a tendency to remember the past here through rose colored glasses. The Dope could be an extremely misogynist and ugly place: rape jokes were very common and if someone complained, they became the target of “jokes” (i.e. harassment). I remember a thread where someone posted about jerking off to Tracie Lords porn that was made when she was a minor (you know, child porn) and the mod noting anyone who pointed that out.
Got to agree with this. And a “hey that’s inappropriate here, cut it out” is a perfectly fine moderation response.
Look, it’s just not ‘99 any more. I don’t want to look back through rose-glassed nostalgia, and neither do I want to look down on who we were then and act like I’ve become so more enlightened. But part of fighting ignorance IS trying to do better in communicating respect to each other and acknowledging when we came short of that.