Those are my favorite responses.
Yes, but are they also not a bit..socially correct?
Or maybe they are just indicative of a very good parent-child relationship.
I’m not a (Dutch) lawyer, but I guess both ways would work, yes.
My sister has been out of contact with my mother for many years, and she’s still in the will. Although I have urged my mom to spend it all before she goes, I also feel a bit of anger that my sister will inherit quite a chunk when I don’t think she should.
When my sister got cancer my mom took care of her and she got better and went on with her healthy life. When my mom got cancer she suffered horribly for years, my sister disappeared, and I took care of my mom all by myself. When mom sent an email out to all of us saying tell me which of my things you want in the will, I claimed the jello molds hanging in her kitchen, my brother reclaimed some of his original art work that hangs in her home, and my sister sent an itemized list of expensive (sellable) objects she expected to inherit.
Mom immediately gifted me the jello molds (they really tie the kitchen together :)) gave my brother his art work, and never replied to my sister’s email.
But she’s still in the will, and there she will stay because mom can’t stand the idea of doing anything other than loving her anyway. It bother’s me, but it’s not my will so it’s not my business.
How old is this “child”? Roughly speaking.
For the record, I feel the same way as well. But there is a huge difference between parents not leaving an inheritance at all, and parents leaving an inheritance split between (for example) three out of their four children.
You did the same thread three months ago. Why should anything be any different from then?
And from the information in these threads, there is nothing that says she’s disowned you. She is out of touch, sulking perhaps, maybe angry for some reason, but she hasn’t explicitly said she never wants to see you again, has she?
I have disowned my parents twice.
Once for about 5 years and then again, after a 3 year semi-successful attempt, for about 5-6 years currently.
My entire family on both sides are quite successful with money. I do not think anyone has had a great job. They do it with grit and smarts. Millionaires all around.
I occasionally make much more money than I even try to. It seems to be genetic or something. I get rid of it quickly though. I am generous and free with it. To me much unlike the rest of my family it is just a thing. I have been so poor I lost weight due to lack of food and overflowing with cash multiple times.I may even do it as a rebellious nature. I am 41. Yet still get grossed out with myself if I follow the money to much. I just quit a job that payed me about double than any other amount I have ever made in a year.
A large factor with me being a black sheep is money. My dad was so tight and the only reason the first disownerment ended was because I accidentally got financially successful. It started again because I lost it all. I have no problem loosing all my assets. I just get more if needed. No biggie.
Money is a major force in our lives. My parents and grandparents regularly punish and reward with money. By regularly I mean only. My grandparents and parents sucked at raising kids. God my parents sucked. God dammit they sucked. Good at making money and investing and saving.
I don’t know what is gonna happen. There are millions all around with my grandmothers and parents. I maintain very limited contact with all of them. Hell,I hitchhiked to Alaska, as far away as I could get. I think my next windfall job I will pay off my childhood. It is a recent goal of mine. I figure a 150k check to my dad will make both of us feel better and more than cover all his expenses rinsing me. Reverse inheritance? Check memo “Childcare” It will be cashed promptly.
Okay, enough of that shit.
I still feel I am owed. But don’t give a damn or really even want it except to waste the shit out of it. I disowned them because they suck. If my mother ends up with it all she will leave it to me. I will spend it with with great care and love. She tried and failed terribly. I wish I knew if I loved my mother. Or any of them.
OP
It is just money. Give it to them or don’t. Just look at the message you are sending. If it fits your motives and does not cause cognitive dissidence go with your decision.You know why she is gone. She is apparently doing fine without it now.
I don’t think a black sheep that strayed of its own volition would be surprised to be cut out of a will. A token inheritance would probably make that point more clearly. As others have said though, what message do you want to send?
Fuggit. So sorry for posting the same thread again. I was SURE I had ‘composed’ the previous thread in my HEAD rather than posting it…may I claim early onset Alzheimers AND suffering from a fucking heatwave here for the last two weeks?
Apologies folks, but again, thanks for all the responses.
Now I feel like a right git. 
I’m just thankful that my response in both threads was consistent. 
I have almost no contact with my mother, and if that continues until the time of her death and distribution of her assets, I’d feel guilty if she left me stuff! I feel that if you expect to be included in family things like inheritance, you have to put in a minimal effort at staying in touch with/seeing family… I do stay in contact with and visit my two sisters. But they make more of an effort with my mom, and I’d be perfectly happy for them to inherit everything.
I have no contact with my parents, haven’t for years, and I don’t expect anything from them. I wouldn’t turn it down, if it happened, but if it happened in the near future I imagine I’d give the money away.
My father and I appear to have mutually disowned each other. It’s difficult to tell because his inital salvo went to everybody in the family but me, whereas mine went to everybody. He’s so brave.
I want nothing of his. Should I get anything, I hope the exector(trix) has a backup plan. I want no family pictures, none of his Vietnam medals, none of his ex-football star bullshit. I want to simply forget he breathes air and that he had ever breathed air, and I would if my deal old Grandaddy would stop reminding me he does. I understand daddy has gone blind recently, and it upset my Grandaddy when my response - carefully measured to be as bland as possible - was ‘Gee, that’s too bad.’
OTOH, I can’t see ever disinheriting my son, no matter what he does. But I’m sane, so there’s that.
In short, no, I expect nothing, I want nothing and I hope to get nothing from my father, who is evil and who I positively disown. The situation differs in that he is well aware of my feelings. If he leaves me something, I will reject it. Unless it’s the nominal sum of a dollar, and his executrix is my stepmonster, then I will move heaven and earth to make sure I get my dollar so she has to send it.
I don’t expect an inheritance. Though I am having a relationship with my parents currently, I have gone years without speaking to them in the past. The subject has come up concerning their will and it turns out I may get something. I thought it was kind of strange when a friend said to me that I shouldn’t have concerns about money because my parents are still alive. I was shocked at her comment. She has never met my parents or know anything about them.
I did turn down an inheritance from my biological father. I had talked with him a few times but never met him.
I would like to think you would treat all your children equally. No matter the relationship.
My brother did some really bad stuff over the years, the least being that he opened 5 credit cards in my mother’s name and spent over $35K, then disappeared (again) for over 2 years. Came back because he had no money and nowhere to live. There are 4 of us children. My mom left him $10K and split the rest in thirds. On her deathbed she asked us to split the money 4 ways to include the black sheep. We obeyed her wishes.
Bottom line is do whatever you want.
I have a sister who disowned the family almost 3 decades ago*. Prior to my mother’s death, I had seen her once, by accident, in that time.
I did have discussions with Mom when she was setting up a trust, living will, etc., to the effect that she could have me as a trustee, or that sister as a trustee, but not both. I am co-trustees with another sibling, no problems there.
She did receive an inheritance with a goodly value, but did not receive an equal split with those of us who stuck around and took care of Mom. I think that was fair. I didn’t feel any need to cut her out entirely, but I would not have been happy to be treated “equally” with someone who hadn’t taken their share of the responsibilities.
*As far as I know, her issues were primarily with our mother, but she chose to drop contact with her siblings as well. I don’t have details on all of the issues involved, but I’m fairly sure that both sides bear some responsibility for the problems. I do know that Mom made serious efforts for several years to maintain contact and was rebuffed.
I think that should totally be your decision, do you owe her anything? Absolutely not. Should she expect to receive anything? Again no way. But its your will, your money, things you have worked hard to accumulate over the years and if you wish for her to know that you loved her unconditionally than leave something to her. If not that doesn’t say anything bad about you, or make you a lesser person. Only you know the true situation and what your heart tells you is the right choice.
I think this is so true.
Regardless of who hasn’t spoken to whom, who took care of someone else and who was never good enough, it’s irrelevant.
Money has meaning. Things have meaning. Gifts have meaning.
Whether it’s an estate full treasures or lots of cash or a collection of rusty spoons – an inheritance represents the parent’s basic love for the child.
I haven’t talked to them in 10 years, even when I have seen them. Peruvian law makes disinheriting very difficult. You need to
a) Repeatedly attack them physically or verbally
b) Not giving them food if they are unable to provide for themselves
c) Not lettin them go free
So, I’ll screw them after they die…serves them well.