Dissect your sexual education

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Not really a poll persay, so we’ll just put it here.

And I’m sure there have been plenty of other similar threads, but oh well.

I’m interested in my fellow dopers’ stories about where/how they learned about the birds and bees. Dust off those awkward memories and really dig up something long-buried and juicy. :eek:

Ok, I’ll go first…sheesh.

I approached sex like any good scientifically-minded bookworm: lots of reading followed by a fumbling experimental hypothesis and then a process of elimination via trial and error.

Aside from some early childhood “exploration”, I was quite the well-behaved square as a young adult. (Denial of homosexuality can lead to some interesting side-effects…like a facade of being asexual because it was perceived, at that time, as the easiest alternative :smack: )

That being said, naive fumblings only account for about 5% of what I consider my total education.

By far most of my “education” was academic, as I was a well-read little bookworm. So here’s how the rest breaks down:

50% - My older brother’s mid-seventies to early-eighties Penthouse magazines, particularly the “Forum” letters.
(An important thing to note…though I’m a HUGE fan of the beauty of the female form, and I certainly noticed the…um…spreads :D…reading the far-fetched stories required much less uncomfortable confrontation of my inner babydyke, so I spent more time reading (and re-reading) certain stories as opposed to having favorite images).

10% - Jean M. Auel’s “Clan of the Cave Bear” series

5% - Judy Blume’s “Forever” (I’d already read Jean Auel’s works by the time I read this, and I did so purely out of peer-related curiosity. I quickly figured out that I much preferred my pure smut approach.)

This concludes what I consider my “formative” sexual education years, as a kid basically.

As an “adult” I aquired 25% during two isolated one-night stands with a couple of guys (not both at the same time, perverts). This would be the “trial and error” portion of my education.

With 95% of my analysis complete, I was able to (finally) make a leap of faith toward that last remaining 5%…when “bad” sex with a woman (yeah, yeah, so what? I threw myself at the first girl who said I was “cute” at the dyke bar…I know I’m in good company there) quickly proved to be far superior to what I considered (up to that point) to be “good” sex with men.

In many ways I feel I arrived at my sexual childhood as a full-grown adult lesbian. Even though I didn’t even kiss another woman untill I was 22, I had (finally) figured it out by then without needing to. There just really wasn’t another alternative that made any sense, and I’d tried the other alternatives already.

This is harder than it looks. Obviously that last 5% was extremely important, and one could argue that it should be ranked as more signifigant than my brother’s penthouse mags, or trial and error with boys…but as an intelligent woman in my early 20’s, I wasn’t learning anything I didn’t know about sex when I first shared it with a woman, I was learning something about me.

So…I stand by my ranking as written:

50% - Penthouse
25% - “Good” sex with boys
10% - Jean M. Auel novels
5% - naive youg fumbling with other naive young fumblers (of both sexes)
5% - “Bad” sex with a woman

2

I have read extensively, but have yet to find a lady with whom to put theory into practice. Interested parties should apply within…

3

I don’t entirely remember how I found out the basic actual mechanics - probably one of my friends or my older sister when I was quite young. I also read (did, and still do) more or less anything; my parents would cheerfully drop me off at the library for the day when I was still a pre-teen, so I pretty much just looked up anything else I wanted to know, and more or less slept through the actual sex ed classes in fourth-sixth grade.

In terms of real world experience? I severely lack (but I’m not in a rush). Mostly awkward fumbling has taught me where to put my hands. Awkward kissing has revealed that, really, there’s no “right” way to do anything with your mouth. That’s pretty much it.

I feel like such a…loser, or something.

4

I used to love to spend the night with a childhood friend whose mom had “The Joy of Sex” hidden under her mattress. My friend’s older sister had discovered it at some point, and my friend’s parents usually left us kids alone in the house to go play cards or something at a neighbor’s house. We’d immediately make a dive under the mattress to, um, educate ourselves. I was around 9 or 10. In fact, almost all the neighborhood girls gained some education in this way.

We used to read aloud to each other. I still remember that the word for the male organ was pronounced “pen-is.” (short ‘e’):rolleyes:

5

In terms of a simple breakdown:

60% porn/masturbation
15% schooling (basic sex ed)
15% practical experience (with 1 person, current GF).
10% books/internet

6

Well, for a nurse my mother told me almost nothing, and that surprises me. She did explain about menstruation, and tell me how to use sanitary napkins.

In sixth grade the girls saw a film about their periods, not sure what the boys saw.

I’d read a lot of books, and as it turns out some of them had mentioned sexual activity, but my brain must have blanked it out.

In seventh grade we had a sex-ed class, and that is when I finally learned how the sperm got to the egg. I was aware of them, but honestly still didn’t know the penis was for more than urination.

So I’m reading the little text we girls were given, and there was a very clinical, physiological description of sexual intercourse. Much talk of blood vessels enlarging, and so on. I worked out a mental picture of what they were talking about and I was stunned. My first thought was “But…but…that means my mom and dad had to…eeewwwww!!!” So I raised my hand to ask the instructor about it, checking to see if I’d got it right. And of course everyone else in class laughed their heads off at me. I wanted to die right there, from embarrassment.

Now, I have never had a child, but if I had, I hope I would have been a little more informative than my mom was.

7

I actually figured things out very early on through books. Both my parents were in the medical field, and so there were plenty of books in the garage with anatomical drawings (and photographs! :eek: ). Among the things I read when I was twelve:

Books by Kinsey, and Masters & Johnson. These books were kind of boring for me, because they didn’t have any pictures, and were just a bunch of statistics. However, they did teach me a lot of things- I didn’t need anyone to reassure me that masturbation was normal for people, because I read about it in several books…Hell, I think I learned how to masturbate by reading in a book (how lame is that?)

“My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday. This was a book on women’s sexual fantasies, written back in the 70’s. Probably the steamiest piece of literature I read.

As far as personal experience, much of that happened during a rendezvous with an older woman on a cruise. She actually taught me a lot of things, and I felt a lot more confident with myself afterwards. All I can say is that I wish I knew then what I know now… :stuck_out_tongue:

8

I don’t remember exactly when I became aware of how sex works. I think I just gradually picked up pieces of it until I had a pretty complete picture. Particulary, I don’t remember my mother (also a nurse) ever having a formal sex talk with me.

However, she did answer my questions as they came up. She is fond of telling this story: we were waiting in some office and she had given me a Redbook to read, thinking it was safe. Well, apparently, I had been reading a sex article. She says that I put down the magazine and in a very cute little girl voice said, “Mommy, what’s an orgasm?” When she paused (and as all of the heads in the room turned expectantly to Mom), I added, “It’s spelled O-R-G-A-S-M.” She finally mustered a response about good feelings from sex. That’s pretty much how our sex talks went.

Mostly, as evidenced by the above story, I think I learned about sex from magazines. You can get all kinds of information from Cosmo. Yes, they assume a certain level of sexual knowledge (like what’s an orgasm, O-R-G-A-S-M), but I filled in the gaps by deduction.

And as for practical applications, I’m still enjoying exploring with that. I don’t think the learning is ever over when it comes to that…luckily. :smiley: :cool:

9

During a particularly early “group out loud smut-reading” episode, I provided endless hours of entertainment for my friends when I first tried to pronounce ‘orgasm’ out loud as ‘organism’. I knew it really wasn’t ‘organism’, but prior to that moment when reading along in my head I’d just mentally said “org -mumble”.

I was quickly able to regain any lost cool points though, when I proved to be one of the few in the room who knew what “peach fuzz” implied when used in a sexually suggestive statement made by a 10 year old. :cool:

How do we manage to survive childhood?

10

I think that most of my friends started off with a dictionary and moved up from there.

I remember getting most of my basic knowledge from encyclopedias.
As a guy, I was infinitely interested in the female anatomy and how it all worked.
However, I never quite understood what they were talking about. I just enjoyed reading it. If I recall correctly, the encyclopedias used to dissect the sexual act into different plateaus and made everything sound so clinical.

And I read several discussions as to the different kinds of orgasms and whether the G-spot really existed.
:smiley:

Even today, I’m not sure. So I’m probably not doing it right.
:o

11

The only sex ed we had in grade school, fifth or sixth grade around 1970, was a film and short talk by someone, a physician maybe, vaguely referring to men having sperm and women eggs. No mention was made of how the sperm got transferred to the women. In fact, one student raised his hand and asked how it got there, and was told that wasn’t important.

The whole thing was so bizarre and confusing it probably did more harm than good.

12

When I was 6 years old my parents got me a book called “Where Babies come From” which taught me the basic mechanics.

When I was 12, they bought me a remarkably thorough book about sex whih explained, well, everything. No pictures, lots of text and answers to anythin I could think of and many thinks I would never had.

I supplemented this with porn, hollywood movies (for the kissing), Ed McBain novels and just talking with other guys. By the time I actually got around to touching a woman (at an embarrassingly late age) I was able to apply my theoretical knowlege in a surprisingly efficient fashion.

13

I’m in a class of thirty ten year old boys. It’s the religious education lesson. The teacher has a pile of paperback books on his desk that we haven’t been using before. One boy is deputised to hand them out. As he passes up and down the aisles, he places one on each desk and whispers “Page 56” (I have no idea how he knew this). The book is called, I don’t know, Living with God or something. Like everybody else, I turn to page 56 and find myself reading a bald, mechanical description of the basic sex act. And for the only time in my life, I feel weak at the knees.

14 


Age                           Learnin'
Lost in Antiquity             Parts, internal & external
                              How babies are made
                              Babies growing in Mama body
                              Sperm and egg
                              Penis goes into vagina
                              Ejaculation = male orgasm
                              
By 3rd Grade                  Fallopian tubes
                              periods
                              testes, prostate, vas deferens
                              female hormonal cycles
                              meiosis, ectopic pregnancies
                              birth control procedures
                              interstitial cell stim hormone
                              embryonic dev & sex differentiation
                              
Not until 5th grade           It feels good
                              people do this not just to have babies
                              quite often in fact
                              ::holy shit!::  ::even my folks!!!:::
                              
Not until 8th grade           That thing I do in bed at night &
                              have been doing since I was 8 or so
                              has a name and other people do it to.
                              And
                              There is a girl-place called clitoris
                              and it feels to them like this
                              :)
                              
By 9th grade                  First fingertip experiences

Not until 21                  Getting devirginated

Obviously you can mark me down as another who learned stuff mostly from books!

15

I can’t believe that you can remember specific times in your life. I can’t even tell you how old I was when I found out anything. My mother was very open about it, which was quite embarrassing for me sometimes. I didn’t know my father so nothing came from him. I do remember I was the first kid to know most things though and my mates would ask me questions. Got me in trouble in class when I once asked the teacher about the G-spot. So I’d say:

75% info from Mother
20% from TV, Film etc.
5% from experimenting with first girlfriend. (which was nowhere near as good as it may sound)

16

Y’all are so lucky, you don’t even know. My mom explained the mechanics of sex to my sister and I while she was sitting naked in the bathtub!!! :eek: I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I was maybe 7 or 8 years old and the new neighbor’s boy kept saying stuff I didn’t understand and I asked my mom some question about it while she was in the bathtub. She made me go get my sister and started explaining while we both stood there giggling feeling sooo awkward! I’ll never forget when she said “…and then the man puts his penis in the woman’s vagina…” and my sister and I just grossed out! We thought that was totally disgusting.
After that, the mystery was gone. Later Judy Blume, sex-ed class, and the “Whats Happening to my Body? Book For Girls” were all supplements to that very strange afternoon.

17

From Mom’s medical textbooks, age 5-10: baby grows in womb, is born (in a variety of possible positions).

From Mom and Dad’s book on mammals, age 5-7: humpback whale has 1/2 ton testicles.

From a pamphlet at Mom’s work, age 6: how to masturbate.

In school, pre-Grade 7: how conception works, plus two dreadful videos on puberty and masturbation.

In school, grades 8-11: how to prevent conception and AIDS.

One class in grade 9 and another in grade 11: what is homosexuality.

One class (given by my English teacher, for godsakes): a video on why you shouldn’t beat queer people up.

Independent study (i.e. porn), age 14 (pre-coming out!) to present: how to have gay sex.

Age 16: virginity gotten rid of; practical training begins.

18

Well, my mother was a librarian and my dad taught Biology, so books were my first, best source for information. Friends taught me how to masturbate, and we had the usual misinformation spread by older siblings.

The best formal education in the subject came in high school, where they took the various athletic teams to the auditorium and gave us “The Sex Talk.” The guy who presented it was great…he put everything in our language, didn’t talk down to us, didn’t couch everything in scientific jargon, and answered questions without embarassment. Made all of our lives a lot easier after that. I have no idea what the rest of the school got, or what the girls got.

Shortly after that, I had my first serious girlfriend, and I moved to the Lab Practical part of the curriculum. I’ve been an avid student eager to learn ever since (30+ years now.) :smiley:

19

1st Memorable Erection: Age 5 - In the bathtub in my grandmother’s apartment.
Educational Value: +/-5% (But the intense feeling was priceless)

1st Knowledge of the Birds & Bees: Age 10 - From the kid on the other end of the block; Michael Kentrianakis. I could accept the ‘man puts his ‘thing’ in a lady’ premise but couldn’t believe I came out of my mother’s holiest of holes. When I got home & asked her she confirmed it - knowing her only other option was to lie and try the old ‘babies come from when a lady swallows a watermelon seed’ that her mother had used on her.
Educational Value: 15%

The Big Sit Down With Dad - With Accompanying Pamphlets: Hearing I came out of there earlier in the day when my Dad was at work one thing, learning that women bleed from there every month was quite another.
Educational Value: 15%

Mr. Ludgate’s Sex Ed Night For Boys @ Harbor Elementary School: Right before Christmas Break, Sixth Grade. I remember all the questions everyone asked but the accompanying black and white film was totally forgettable. I think if other fathers weren’t there, it would’ve been more informative.
Educational Value: 20%

First Exposure to Pornography: Spring of 6th Grade. I remember the magazine like it was yesterday. Very Hardcore - The cover price said $10 - which was a fortune back then! To this day, the title still bbrings a smile to my face: ‘Fcked, Scked & Plucked’.
Educational Value: 10%

First Masturbatory Experience: 11 Years old. Soon after arriving home from Boy Scout Summer Camp upon hearing (as opposed to experiencing) that a ‘blow job’ included sucking, as opposed to blowing. My parents had just moved into this neat new house with a Kenmore central vaccum system. I won’t elaborate further - but will admit to the fact I though that hole in the wall was the greatest thing since sliced bread…uintil I outgrew it a few years later.
Educational Value: +/- 5% - Mainly due to the fact I learned the longer I held off, the better it felt.

I’ll spread 15% of the remaining 30% between my first (non-solo) sexual experiences and reserve the remaining 15% balance to present & future learning experiences.

20

I’m not going to analyze everything in my life here, but I would like to say that if your ten year old son someday asks you what autoerotic asphyxiation is, please consider putting a little sugar coating on your explanation. :eek: