Mad, Bad, and Dangerous toenails.
(said about Lord Byron)
“If Cecil Adams did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.”
Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
“i refuse to have a battle of nits with someone who is unarmed”
Oscar Wilde
“Ad Astra Per Cannabis”
Ad Astra Per Aspera is the state motto of Kansas. I dunno who said it first.
“Keep your friends close and your enemas closer.”
Sun Tzu?
"Speak softly… but carry a 30.06 "
“He who has the most toys when he dies, is dead”
Once more into the breaches, dear friends, once more;
…
Cry, “Oh God, Oh God for Harry and Saint George!”
–Henry V, III:1
And gentlemen in England, now abed,
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here;
And hold their manhoods … whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day
–Henry V, IV:3
“Abstinence makes the heart go yonder”
“I am but a lowly travelling menstrual”
I find your lack of pants disturbing.
–Darth Vader, SW
We are amused.
–QEII.
All your base are belong to Gus.
Let there be Coors Lite!
If it doesn’t fit, I’m full of shit. - Cochran
My name is Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire. I own a mansion and a politician.
Veni, vidi, velcro
I came, I saw, I stuck around.
“I regret that you have but one life to give for my country.”
One small step for man, one giant…Shit, it is cheese!
It depends on what your definition of sis is.
That shouldn’t be that funny, but it so is. I wish I was looking for a sig 
My turn: “Eat tu, Brute.”
“My god, it’s full of pie.”
~David Bowman
“I pledge allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty, equality, and justice for all.”
~Edward Bellamy
“Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do during commercial breaks.”
“Veni, vidi, Vila.” (I came, I saw, I fixed their house.)