My daughter is likely to divorce from her husband soon. This is a sad thing and I wish it wouldn’t happen, but it will be the beginning of a new and better life for her and our grandson. My son-in-law is an enlisted man (Spc) in the Army. Together, they have a seven-month old child. They have no real property, though they have household furniture (with a loan), and two cars (both of which have loans attached). My daughter is not in the Army. Among the issues leading to the breakup are allegations of marital infidelity on the part of my son-in-law. The “other woman” is also enlisted in the Army.
Now, the GQ’s. How does divorce of a service-member work? They were married in Texas, lived most of their married lives in Colorado, but now live near (off post) my SIL’s duty station in Kansas. When the divorce happens, my daughter and grandson will want to move back to Texas. In which state should the divorce take place? Since my SIL is subject to UCMJ, does the divorce take place in a military court, or is it a state matter like any other divorce? Being a soldier, my SIL is subject to relocating at the Army’s whim. Given his position, is a judge likely to insist that my daughter and grandson stay in Kansas, or wherever my SIL’s next station is?
Thanks for any general information you may have. I have no military experience, or divorce experience, so I’m at a bit of a loss as to how all this works.
Maybe it’s just me, but I’m confused. How does your SIL’s tie, into this story? Why would she be involved in the divorce? If your daughter’s not in the army, why would your SIL’s being relocated have any bearing on where she can live?
Huh?
I can’t help feeling you’ve left something out, can you make this a little clearer?
I have a coworker who’s ex is in the Navy and was stationed in North Carolina at the time of the divorce and she filed here in South Dakota. She also still lives in South Dakota and he has been stationed in North Carolina and California but never in South Dakota (not a lot of water ) and is soon to be shipped to Afghanistan because he got lippy with his superiors.
So from that anecdotal example, I’d say your daughter can move back to Texas and file the divorce there in state court. She does not have to move to where ever his duty station is.
UCMJ plays no role in the divorce. The Army will not be involved in the divorce, though they would take action on his infidelity since that is a criminal offense in the Army.
Her divorce would be handled just like a normal divorce for a person who was married in one state and moves to another state.
This is not legal advice, but if i were her, I would move back to Texas and file for a divorce there. Tell the SIL that if he has any issues with that, or if he plans to fight custody or prevent her from moving to Texas, she will go to his commander to report the infidelity. That should be enough to get him on board with whatever she wants to do as far as the kids are concerned. She holds all the cards.
This would only be an issue if he is either contesting the divorce or threatening to wreak havoc with child custody. I would be surprised if any court would give primary custody to a serviceman on active duty over a non-military parent when the serviceman (or woman) was the one at fault, so unless she doesn’t want him to have any future contact she’ll probably be alright. IANAL, of course, and she should consult a (civilian) divorce lawyer for actual helpful advice.
I’m intrigued by the possibility of criminal prosecution for infidelity - is this something that the military actually pursue?
The daughter can file for divorce in whatever state she happens to be living in at the time. I divorced my first wife when I was temporarily living in Virginia and she was overseas. As mentioned, the military has no dog in the fight and plays no part. The court is not going to mandate that the daughter move to wherever the military member is transferred, as that would be a financial hardship.
There were a lot of other issues involved too, but adultery was a listed charge in this recent case about a sub commander. He had an adulterous affair (including getting his mistress pregnant, who then lost the baby), and faked an e-mail claiming he’d died as the way to break it off with her - when really he was transferred and his family moved with him, for his new command. She went to the house to express condolences and was told by the new owner that the guy had moved.
The charges, from the article: “Ward was charged with dereliction of duty, conduct unbecoming to an officer and a gentleman, and adultery.” So I’m not sure whether that would be a sole reason for discipline, but it exists as a disciplinary reason.
Culturally, there is a certain amount of wink-wink nudge-nudge WRT infidelity, especially on TDY or deployments. The unit cares a lot more if the affair goes public or gets messy, as it is here. Both parties can expect at least a letter in their service records and told to knock it off at minimum; at maximum, they’ll see the commander, which has some real consequences.
That said, if your daughter gets child support or alimony, she will get it; her ex-husband will be expected to pay them on pain of disciplinary action for failing to meet his obligations. He will most likely be required, or at least encouraged, to arrange to have this money sent to her by allotment, so she won’t have to worry about getting a check every month. The military takes THIS very seriously.
There’s a federal law that says the first time a child custody case is heard, it has to take place in the jurisdiction that the child has been in for the past six months. If she moves and files for divorce, I think that would affect things unless she waits for six months to file.
Divorce is a matter of state law. Some states, including the one I live in, have residency requirements. Here, there is no jurisdiction to grant a divorce until one of the parties has resided in this state for at least 6 months.
Custody, as mentioned by Fubaya, also has jurisdictional requirements.
A lot depends on how contentious the SIL is going to be with the divorce and custody. These are generally straight civil matters and as long as things fairly standard, as long as the SIL agrees and signs off on the settlement agreements, the judge will as well.
This may be happening. Next week, my daughter has an appointment with someone in the Army for what is called “a briefing”. I don’t know how she got this appointment or who it is with, but it is my understanding that the conversation will be about what happens next. That is why I thought the Army would be involved in the settlement, since they seem to have this “briefing” thing.
Wait,what? Really this seems bizarre is it really true that that the USMJ has a law against infidelity? When did the fundies take over the armed forces?
You must have been out for a long time. I have seen tons of careers ruined over it. No winking or nudging on any deployment I’ve been on. Get caught with infidelity or even the appearence of an inappropriate relationship and the hammer comes down.
Despite the old adage “don’t shit where you eat” many relationships happen with those you are close with. Look at this case. The soldier is having an affair with another soldier. It has nothing to do with a puritan attitude. It has to do with order and discipline. Nothing can destroy a units cohesion fasting than letting that soap opera shit happen.
) and is soon to be shipped to Afghanistan because he got lippy with his superiors.