As some of you may know I live on an air force base in japan with my husband and his two young kids, I’m pretty young and very new to marriage, the military, and child raising. (the being in japan part isn’t that bad in comparison.) Well you know, life often gets stressful, and me and my husband fight all the time. I’ve tried to find an outlet here, but it’s led me to the discovery that noone cares about military spouses.
Observe: they have chaplains who you’re supposed to go talk to for confidential advice. I’m not religious but hey, its someone to talk to. Well, I’ve talked to 4. Three of these had to leave for meetings five minutes after I came in, all on seperate occasions, and today i saw a 4th whose great advice was “why don’t you just get a divorce?” !!! Can you imagine, this is his way of working out the kinks in a marriage, just give up on it?
So besides the chaplains there’s also the hospital for like, psychiatric consultation. However that’s not confidential and if they assume that there’s abuse or neglect involved they get the family advocacy people over to your house quicker than you can say “family advocacy.” And if I were to tell them what’s on my mind believe me they’d investigate, which would make my home life worse. But, I tried. I went there. And who did they want me to talk to? A guy who happens to be the head of family advocacy!!! So I couldn’t go.
And you can’t band together with other wives in this place cause they all rat on eachother “ooh you said that the kids do what?? I think they’re neglected even though I have no evidence! Let me go call your husband’s supervisors so they can come over and try to take the kids away based on what I think!” I’ve had this happen before. I can’t trust anyone for even the slightest friendship here. Most nights I end up wandering the empty streets of the base alone and noone notices or cares, even if I’m crying or have self-inflicted cuts on my arms. There’s a million programs at this base to “help” new military spouses, they’re only held twice a year and each one takes only 25 people, and there’s no advertising to let you know when to sign up. The military claims to care about the families, but I don’t see it, not when I have no outlet for my pain and grow more isolated and scarred up by the day. if they’re not actually going to help spouses through the difficult transitions that living with the military may cause, then I think families shouldnt be allowed to live on base. Thoughts? Opinions? I know some of you have lived with the military, did you have similar experiences?