I could not have said it better if I had tried.
Same exact thing here only I don’t see him very much. Maybe four times a year which is even more than I want to.
I don’t regret the children we have together though. I only have ten more months until our daughter is eighteen and then I won’t have to deal with him ever again if I don’t want to.
(Apologies but I had to answer)
/hijack
My aunt’s first marriage was one of those that really shouldn’t have happened; she could have gotten an annulment on, oh, about 6 different reasons. Blows and yelled insults were a part of my cousins childhood; then after the divorce she dated an alcoholic who didn’t intend to leave his wife at all… my cousins took years to find their centers and become the great people they are. Only three good things came out of it: she finally got out of her parent’s house (her reason for marrying); 1.cousin; 2.cousin.
Nope. My son and daughter are the two coolest people I know. Also, the first few months (of the 18 year marriage) were OK.
When you figure out how to do that, please share it with me.
I have to say despite all the pain and torment involved, I don’t regret my marriage. Yes, we were young(I was 25), and no one really knows what marriage involves until you get there, but I was committed and willing to devote my earthly life to her.
Because of the divorce, I am a different man than I was. I’m stronger in every way–emotionally, spiritually, physically–because it forced me to start over from scratch and build a new life. Up to that point, divorce was my biggest fear, and I faced it, and I’m still here. I learned a lot about love, what it is, and what it isn’t, and I’ve been able to meet and help a lot of friends who’ve either gone through, or are going through the same thing right now.
I think this pretty well sums up how I feel. I think that I did learn some things (about marriage, about myself, etc.) from being married to him that I’m using now, so it wasn’t worthless.
Without hesitation, yes. I completely regret my marriage. Thank og there were no kids.
Seven years of my compromises and trying my ass off to be a good and worthy husband. Seven years of ignoring the serious character flaws and sexual hangups because I thought “there’s more to love and marriage than just sex”.
One week she’s normal, loving (as much as she could be), and packing love notes in my lunch. Quite literally the next week, she tells me she wants a divorce. No build up, no explanations, no arguments (we never had arguments – just discussions) no nothing.
Three years later, I still have no clue why she split. The only learning experience I took from the marriage was the fact that I know in my heart that I did everything right.
Looking back in hindsight, I should have tossed her on her ass six months into the relationship.
My second one, yes. Single worst screwup of my entire life.
I look forward to the inevitable thread about how your adult child wants to invite both of you for some purpose (holiday, child) and you do not want to go, but do not want to hurt your child. 
If/when your children get married, chances are good he will be there. If/when your children have children, he’ll be around then.
I see a lot more of my ex than I would have ever thought, especially given that he is in TN and I am in MO.
Almost.
The fact that I ever had anything to do with him at all is deeply shameful to me. Like Cazzle, I saw all the warning signs, but made excuses. And I don’t even really know why; I don’t remember loving him. There have been times in my life where I just didn’t care what I did, and during that time, I’d go with the flow even if it happened to be into a flushing toilet. So we dated, he asked me to marry him, and I was twenty-five. It seemed like the thing to do. And I even knew it was a mistake! I didn’t tell my mother for months.
A couple years later, my son was born. To put it succinctly, I worship this kid. I wish I’d gotten him away from his father before any damage was done, but we’re (mostly) away now, and I have this wonderful child in my life.
So, I learned some stuff the hard way, and then there’s my son. I can deal with it.
I don’t think regret is really the right word for it, but knowing then what we know now, we wouldn’t have. We would have been friends until our circumstances drifted us apart.
But we did have some good times and we wouldn’t trade our three wonderful children for anything. We have no trouble being friends now and moving on with out lives so things aren’t nearly as bad as some of the horror stories we’ve heard about and been exposed to.
Me too.
Considering my divorced was final at the end of May, I still feel as everything is still raw. Not settled. Some days I hate him, other days I feel sorry for him, then I think we could work out a friendship, or maybe even try to attempt some type of relationship again. I haven’t really come out to a “clearing” yet to be able to look back and decide how I feel about him and if I would do it again.
Generally right now… He was controlling over money. I had to be answerable to every penny I spent and explain why it was that I needed something (whether it be clothes, shoes, etc). It wasn’t that we were hard up for money. Together we made close to 140K a year. He just had to be in control of it.
So right now with the state of mind I am in now… I can’t say that I regret the time spent with him or the love I did and still do feel for him. Though I feel that I don’t deserve another wedding (if I decided to get married again) with the church and all that again.
Like I said, a lot of things are still raw. Some days I love him and wish I had worked it out. Other days I am thankful to have my independence back and hardly ever think of him.
I think I am in the - “What the Hell” mode…
To those who have been through it, when does this go away? The wishy wash phase? Feel free to PM.
When you begin to live a normal, peaceful life and you realize that what he did was abusive to you. When you don’t make excuses for his behavior, and you don’t blame yourself and feel guilty… when you can honestly tell yourself that what he did was wrong (regardless of what you did), and that you don’t deserve to be treated like that. That’s when you will know that you did the right thing and you don’t want to go back.
This is Contraryology but IMO everyone who goe through a divorce is pretty much nuts for the first 12 months after the divorce is final. I sure was, and I haven’t met an exception yet (which of course means someone will immediately post that he/she was just fine after getting divorced – yay you, I never met ya!).
So yeah what you are talking about in terms of loving your ex yesterday, feeling indifferent today and perhaps actively disliking him tomorrow–that stuff may be around for a while.
Abusive? I never thought of it like that. I just considered him controlling. Especially when he told me that since he made 75 percent of the money, he got 75 percent of the decision. Just a lot of arguments over money.
Joy. 
Thanks for your thoughts guys. Didn’t really mean to hijack…
One partner being in complete control of the money is abusive. Any time there’s an imbalance of power within a relationship where the participants are equals, there’s definitely something wrong.
But the point is not to place blame, at this point, but to just move on and come to peace with yourself, and if possible, with him, and with your decision. Time’s good for that.
I had to learn a lot about myself and my upbringing to understand why I chose to marry my first husband and I couldn’t do it alone. I had a good therapist and I did a lot of hard and ugly work to come out of it with 2 new ideas.
I do not regret my first marriage. I loved him, and I think he loved me, for a while. We had a lot of good times, and then it just fell apart, and neither of us knew how to work it out. No betrayals, no cheating, no kids, no lies, and relatively few hurt feelings.
I learned a lot about how to make a relationship work (or not work). Both of us are happily re-married (to other people), so I would guess that neither was horribly scarred by the experience. We’re still on friendly terms, whenever we have reason to communicate. He’s a good guy.