Wearing her uniform skirt pulled up to her armpits under the shirt so it goes from “knee length” to “that’s barely a wide belt” I’d say fits the definition of “tantalizing” quite well. In fact, I’m reasonably sure it’s done with intent to tantalize. And then there’s those who don’t need to either pull up their skirts or wear hiphuggers because as one walking in front of me with her still-skinny-as-anchovies-friends put it “my hips don’t need traffic signs like yours do!” If she’d been dressed for a night out and on her own instead of for school and with that bank of sardines, she could easily have passed for college age.
Obligatory Buffy quote (from the episode where she could read minds):
*
“Principal Snyder has “Walk Like an Egyptian” stuck in his head. And the boys in this school are SERIOUSLY disturbed!”*
I admit to wondering what was going through his mind when he said that. One part of me thinks he was trying to deflate the OP a bit, to remind her (unnecessarily) that age does matter sexually to men. The weirdness comes from him doing so by pointing to such an extreme and then trying to universalize it using pseudo-scientific theorizing.
Let’s unpack a few things here. I’m not in a big hurry to get folks to perceive me as a perverted pedophile, but the question (and the answer) is more complex than you seem to think it is.
First off, when I was 8 or 9 years old, I was sexually attracted to girls who were 8 or 9 years old. I didn’t know what it meant and I was pretty ignorant of sexual appetite and recreational (rather than reproductive) sexuality and for these and other reasons I didn’t engage in any sexual behaviors with 9 year old girls when I was a kid myself. But the fascination with girl-parts and girl-shapes was definitely there.
Secondly, while discussions that I’ve had on Straight Dope and elsewhere have given me the impression that that was unusually early (although NOT unique), it appears that most people develop sexual interests and become aware of sexual appetites (even if they don’t fully know what they mean, aren’t physically or emotionally ready for sex, and don’t act on it) between 11 and 16 years old.
Thirdly, as we age, our sexual interest usually moves along with our own age, but it also tends to widen in age-range, and any age whereby there was once a sexual interest, there tends to be a remnant of it, because we’ve already had the experience of being attracted to people of that age from back when we were that age.
Fourthly and finally, contrary to myths and shared social beliefs about the sexuality of male-bodied people, we are capable of being around people we’re sexually attracted to without being driven by that to attempt to make sex happen. Alongside of legitimate and entirely justified outrage about child sexual abuse, there has come to be a sort of attitude or belief that anyone to whom male folk are sexually attracted is unsafe as a direct consequence, and that therefore any male person who is sexually attracted to anyone under the legal age of consent is a scary dangerous pervert who is inevitably going to try to have sex with such a person.
That’s in part because there’s a mostly unconscious and seldom-questioned assumption that for male-bodied people, the response to being sexually attracted to someone is sexual aggression, the attempt to make sex happen.
You know, thinking back to when the dinosaurs and I were young, one of the most fuckedup things about being a teenaged girl is that if you’re an early developer, you’re likely to spend years feeling like a bloated whale; never mind your physical equilibrium getting out of kilter, and your tits hurting like you didn’t know anything could hurt, and all that shit.
And if you’re a late developer, you may spend years trying to look older and to attract the attention of those guys whose eyes keep being drawn to that friend who’s doing her best to hide behind a nonexistent column.
Remind me again: why in the name of all that’s messed up about humanity is anybody supposed to want to go back to being a teenager?
I have certainly found high school aged women sexually attractive even when I was in my late twenties. Since I’ve been in my thirties I haven’t been around any high schoolers so I don’t know if they look too young but I’m still finding young women in college attractive so I’m sure there are some attractive high schoolers.
I think pubescent is a weird word choice because it is typically once they’ve completely developed that they become attractive not some sixth grader who happens to have breasts. But I certainly wouldn’t find it weird to think a particular 16 year old was hot. On the other hand if the guy thinks every 14 year old would make for some sweet loving he’s probably got deep issues. Also I’m not sure why you’d tell a person you’re date8ng that a cohort she’s not a member off is attractive to you. That’s like telling a blonde you’re dating that you’ve got a thing for red heads and just screams stupid.
I spent the summer of '93 as a volunteer counselor at a camp for kids ages 6 to 13. Absolutely nothing happened, not even when that one girl insisted on sitting in my lap.
WT…F? Since this behavior is not instrinsic to being a pubescent girl, I’m not sure what this line of fantasy has to do with what the OP’s date said. You could put a 35 year old woman in a super short skirt and find it tantalizing, right? But the logical conclusion from this isn’t that men find 30-something women tantalizing. It’s that men find women in short skirts tantalizing.
Most “pubescent girls” aren’t slinking around in super short catholic skirts, cheerleader outfits, or other garments commonly sexualized in pornos. They are dressed just like regular kids and teenagers, with the awkwardness that comes from still figuring out their new body parts, sense of style, and fashion trends of the day.
The OP’s boyfriend said “seeing pubescent girls can be tantalizing”.
I gave examples of pubescent girls doing things purposefully to be tantalizing. Is pulling up one’s skirt intrinsic to being a pubescent girl? No. I never saw one of my classmates do it. But that was back in the '80s and I’ve seen girls from other towns and other schools do it, in more recent years (Bilbao’s Sacré Coeur in grey; Pamplona’s Ursulinas in dark blue; girls whose school uniforms I wasn’t familiar with in Calais, Saragossa, Barcelona): it’s not fantasy.
Which age gap has he never dated – his 46 to your 35, or his 46 to pubescent girls? If the latter, it seems weird to me that he felt he had to proclaim not dating gals 30+ years younger than he. One would hope that it would go without saying.
As to his initial comment, it’s socially awkward at best. It’s in the same category as telling your buddy that you think his 16 year old daughter is hot – it’s normal enough to have the thought but it’s mighty impolitic to actually say it.
Given that a lot of this discussion is riding on the very specific word choices of “pubescent,” and “tantalising” (noting the Eurospelling), and the context of the OP talking about France, I think it’s worth clarifying-- is English this man’s first language? And what is his ethnocultural background?
In a way that is not very meaningful, IMO. Particularly since this was his main position.
He was implying there is something instrinsic to pubescent girls that makes them arousing to men. Conjuring up scenarios in which young girls dress in a risqué manner, as if to support the idea that they can be tantalizing, misses the point. My question still stands: what is it about “pubescent” girls that screams hotness? Morality aside, personally I just don’t get it at all. Perhaps this has to do with me being straight female, but I doubt it since I understand why older girls and women are attractive to men. Your typical 12, 13 year old, he’ll no. I cringe when I think about myself at that stage of development.
His main position? It was a remark in the context of a discussion of how people dress in different cultures, specifically of French women dressing in a sexy way for a wider range of ages than some others.
You and I have different definitions of main.
Then again, apparently you don’t have memories of your response to guys old enough to vote inviting you to dance or have a drink being your age, I do. Guys finding 13, 14yo me attractive wasn’t strange; any of them not backing up when they found out I wasn’t as old as they’d thought would have been. A lot of the people responding to this thread (specifically, those who think the OP’s boyfriend is a perv) seem to be the same ones who would never believe a 15yo can pass for college-age.
You know, on reread, I see that part about entering puberty, which my brain must have blotted out the first time. So, yeah, he really does seem to be talking about 13-year-olds. :eek:
This reminds me a little of a guy I dated very briefly. I don’t know how we got on the topic, but he told me that men prefer variety more than being bonded to a single partner, because evolutionarily, males have an incentive to spread their seed far and wide.
I’m too lazy to get into a long, pointless discussion about the flaws in this logic right now.
I’m mentioning the story because regardless of how accurate that statement was- why the fudge would you say this to someone you’ve only recently started dating? If a guy says this shit to “potential partners”, he’s either not interested in you and is passive-aggressive about it, or he’s a total cad that you wouldn’t want to be dating anyway.
You are not viewing his remark in the context of the other things he said, which is that girls experiencing puberty, trigger some kind of caveman sexual response in men.
This isn’t about girls who could pass for adults.
This isn’t about girls galavanting in short skirts and batting their eyelids.
This is about girls undergoing puberty–and looking like girls undergoing puberty–supposedly turning men on by their mere existence.
I’m not saying there are no men who are attracted to girls at this stage. But I don’t think its most men, nor do I think it’s unreasonable to be concerned that someone would make a point of declaring this attraction. On a date.
You mean the dirty old men who used to stand outside the corner store, street harassing anything with a vagina and a face? Sure I remember them. I’m not understanding why you think I’m a stranger to your garden variety lecher, but I assure you I’m not.