So my wife and I are splitting up. Painful but trying to keep it amicable, low-key, and free of acrimony. Also trying to keep it cheap. $10K retainer for each lawyer minimum, we were hoping to explore alternative routes that are cheaper but still legally and financially sound.
No kids, so no custody issues. We’re selling the house. Uncontested. The big issue is that we are both agreed that the assets should not be split down-the-middle 50/50. Since (by mutual consent) one person will get more than the other, and that the primary assets in question are annuities and retirement savings, does anyone have any experience–good or bad–with doing the paperwork yourself (or using one of those agencies that “proofs” your filings but lets you do most of the heavy lifting)?
I think you’ll have to give a bit more information, such as where you’re actually located, before information can be given about how divorce proceeds in your particular jurisdiction.
My ex and I did it. Well, I did it, and he signed where the notary pointed.
Your county may have all the forms you need for a simplified divorce, since you have no kids. They’re really basic fill in the blank kinda things.
We had a daughter together, so we couldn’t go with the simplified divorce. Took me an afternoon of Google plagiarism and around $600 in court fees. One thing I didn’t realize going in is that, in Cook County at least, you have to pay two Appearance Fees, one for each of you, even if only one of you shows up to court. That kinda sucked.
Do some Google searches for your state or county and the name of the documents you need. (For example, I googled Cook County Marital Settlement Agreement) and see what you find. You may be able, like I did, to simply cut ‘n’ paste your name and details into someone else’s divorce documents!
If your case is uncontested, then the judge is not likely to read it all that thoroughly anyhow. Mine scanned it in about 90 seconds as I stood in front of her, making sure all the legally required sections were in there. She did ask me if I wanted to use my maiden name again, and when I stammered a bit and told her I hadn’t considered it, she hand wrote in another line saying that I may use my maiden name if I so choose. She then handed it to her clerk for the literal rubber stamp.
If all divorce attorneys had $10K retainers there would be a hell of a lot more people out there still married (myself included). Surely there are cheaper alternatives that don’t have to mean “bottom rung”.
ETA - I had an uncontested divorce with a minor child involved and it cost me about $1200 and I didn’t have to do a thing but sign. Lawyer did the rest. Best money I ever spent, and I didn’t have to show up for court.
Because our financial situation is tight (two mortgages, high-level economizing), my wife’s lawyer wants that amount ($10K) up front. I don’t want a lawyer, but her lawyer won’t play ball unless I get one.
My sister very recently finalized a DIY divorce in Ohio. She did all the research online, made her was-band an offer he couldn’t refused, and they filed the papers. The judge set a final court date, but then that got extended because they wanted to take a closer look at the paperwork to make sure my sister had managed to dot all her i’s and cross all her t’s. They had no kids together and she made no claim on his retirement or on the house. She asked for X amount of money (which was not very much, IMO) and her maiden name back.
Pros: Quicker and cheaper, less drama ratcheted up by lawyers trying to bill hours
Cons: None that I could tell from my sister’s experience. One anecdote does not data make, YMMV, etc.
Divorce decrees can be modified. If your wife decides down the road that she didn’t get a fair shake, she might decide to do this. You’d be in a better position to defend yourself later if you both have representation now.
Since property division won’t be equal (even if you both agree), I think your best bet is to get a lawyer.
I helped my brother with a DIY divorce in Washington State. No kids, no real property, no pension or investments, short marriage. It was cheap and easy.
With no kids this should be easy as long as the wife cooperates. That can be a problem if she changes her mind along the way. This should not cost more than $1,000 for an uncontested case with representation. The attorney makes it all run smoothly and protect each party. You need to shop attorneys to avoid a hosing.
First: I’ve never been divorced so this is just based on info I’ve gleaned over the years, but…
If you’re basically agreed on the division of household property, who gets what from the retirement accounts, who gets which debts etc, I’m really surprised that the lawyers want 20,000 grand (10K for each one). I would have to think that, while you should indeed both have independent counsel, it should NOT be that costly to have your lawyers do an initial vetting of the division-of-property agreement and advise you on other steps you should each take (e.g. if you’re each keeping one of the houses, need to get the other off the deed and mortgage, i.e. refinance). I know the thing with getting off the mortgage is important - if she fails to make the payment, the bank will come after YOU for her arrears (and vice versa).
The other thing that you might not be able to easily do yourself: Social Security benefits and pension benefits either of you may have earned. From time spent working on a retirement system years ago, I gather there can be specific legal requirements that have to be met regarding the spouse having access to some of your Social Security and/or pensions if you’ve been married long enough (10 years?). I know that a defined-benefit pension, where you get a set amount, can be court-ordered to be divided among you and the spouse.
I do not know whether there are any laws about defined contribution plans such as 401(k)s. I would assume that if you and your wife agree “she gets hers, you get yours” that would be hunky-dory but you’d each probably have to provide a notarized signature waiving rights to the other’s accumulated balance.
Do it yourself divorce? How hard can it be? Just click one of the ad linkie-poos at the bottom of this post’s page…I see three of them now. (I am not a paid representative of any of them, nor have I used them, or know of anyone who has used them and do not endorse them for any reason other than they’re there.)
Actually, I did a do-it-yourself divorce, but that was over 20 years ago and in Oklahoma. It’s unlikely that any of my experiences would be useful to anyone now. However, it was the best $69 plus court costs I ever spent.
Yes, you can definitely do it yourself. Your local court web site should have the papers you need to file ready for you to fill out and print. They might even offer a free workshop for you, or a helpline for help with the forms.
Ignore that part of my earlier post - I reread the OP and it says quite plainly that you’re selling the house; I guess the two mortgages are both on that one. I had misread that as you owning two properties, and you taking one while she takes the other.
The second mortgage is for my mother-in-law’s home, so we’re not selling that, only our own residence. Thank you for your extended comments. Our concerns have to do with exactly the area you discussed–division of assets that we’re not obligated to do, but want to do in a specific and legally-binding way that deals with those types of retirement funds that have their own special rules and consequences (taxes, etc.).