I’ve had trouble pinning down precise information.
I am currently not located in the U.K. and would like to get the process rolling when I’m back at the end of December.
Background:
Surok_Spouse and I are separated and have been living apart for over two years, since he walked out. No children, no property. He has agreed to a divorce, but is clearly not going to make the first move.
Do I need a solicitor? Or is it possible to get a ‘do-it-yourself’ divorce kit?
I have a vague feeling that as it’s more or less amicable, it should be relatively quick and cheap. But I’m quite possibly wrong. Are there any U.K. (based) Dopers who can provide pointers on what to do, who to talk to, and how to manage the process from overseas?
You can get a DIY divorce kit, which costs £55. It requires a couple of trips to your nearest court, and providing your ex is amenable and happy to complete the paperwork, you can get the whole thing done in a couple of months - not having kids really speeds things up. Not sure about court fees, but the kit is amazingly comprehensive. It doesn’t matter if your ex is in a different country.
I got divorced ‘online’. I bought a pack from an online divorce specialist. Google ‘divorce online uk’ and you’ll get loads of hits. I think I went for something that was called ‘divorce.co.uk’ or similar.
They send you a pack with clear instructions - there’s a range of forms you have to send in to the courts at different times, and your ex will also have to sign certain documents that the court will send him.
Basically as the initiator, you are the ‘plaintive’ (not sure that’s the right term, but it’s something similar), so you have to do most of the leg work. At some point, you will have to go to your nearest family court and sign a declaration (you only need do this once). This is done at a counter - not in the courtroom itself.
You spouse will not need to go to court.
In terms of costs, I can’t remember the figures now, but you will have to pay for the online pack, then pay a fee to the courts. It’s pretty minimal.
Once all has been processed by the courts, you and your spouse will be sent notification of your ‘decree nici’ which means the divorce is approved, but is not yet final. You have to then wait six weeks and one day, send in another form, and only then do you receive your ‘decree absolute’. This six weeks is apparently to give you both the opportunity to change your minds.
The whole process takes about 3 months.
Of course, this process only works if you are applying for a no fault divorce (citing irreconcilable differences) and your spouse is in agreement (both with the divorce and the reason for the divorce). Should your spouse object to getting divorced, then you have to wait a full five years from the date of separation before you can force him to divorce. There’s probably a way round this as he walked out - you could probably claim desertion or adultery or something, but then it gets nasty and expensive.
Surok, is your ex going to do the deed then? If you can trust him, as SanVito says, it’s a walk in the park. But depending on where you are, you might find it even easier in your current location.
Anything that is going to involve actually turning up at a court, or even an office, based in the U.K. is going to make things complicated, as I’m not based in Western Europe.
If any Dopers have any other suggestions - perhaps doing it not online - about who to talk to, even if it’s just to find out more, your wisdom would be very much appreciated.
Just some general advice. It sounds as though even talking with your husband is a bit of a trial.
Going on the experience of a couple I knew that went through divorce, it started amicably but because of a dispute over one item which they couldn’t agree
about, one of them consulted a solicitor. It just went downhill from there and became really acrimonious - and a lot more expensive.
It’s really best to try to keep in with him, even perhaps to convince him to initiate the proceedings.
Similar anecdote: my sister-in-law got divorced a few years ago. Both parties were still extremely amicable, but hired solicitors to make sure the division of property was handled correctly. It went rapidly downhill immediately afterwards - but the solicitors hadn’t banked on the parties still talking to each other. When they compared notes, they found that the solicitors had been colluding on introducing friction into the process (presumably to up the amount of time required to settle, and thus their fees). They confronted them with evidence of the lies told, and fired them simultaneously, finishing the divorce themselves, and remain amicable. But very distrustful of the legal profession.
Surok, have you investigated instigating the divorce wherever you are, as all he’ll have to do is sign a few documents? Reason being, you don’t have to get divorced in the country you got married in.
There’s a bit in Downton Abbey about one fellow getting the decree nisi, then having the whole proceedings undone while looking for the final decree when his wife (maliciously) tells the court he paid her to agree to the divorce. Apparently that’s not allowed?
That was then. Back in the day, divorce was fault-based - you divorces somebody on the grounds of their cruelty, adultery, desertion, whatever - and only the “innocent” party could initiate the proceedings. So if, e.g., I sue you for divorce on the grounds of your adultery, but evidence emerges that I condoned your adultery all along, as part of an agreement between us to obtain a divorce because we had simply grown apart, the divorce would not be granted.
The system changed in about 1970 to one in which the fundamental ground for divorce is the irretreivable breakdown of them marriage. There still need to be facts to show that the marriage has broken down, and adultery is a common one, but the question of who is “at fault” and who is “innocent” is no longer relevant.