The year wait (mandatory in NC) from the official “legal separation” is up in mid-February.
I don’t think I need a lawyer for this, or at least I hope not.
The pertinent facts are as follows:
We were married about a year and a half before I left.
No children. She has a daughter from a previous marriage, but her ex-husband pays child support and has visitation. Never adopted, never took my last name.
No home. We rented.
No assets. The few shared things we had (the wedding presents, mostly) I let her keep and don’t care about. They are listed in the legal separation notice that we both signed and had notarized.
No debt. We had a credit card in both our names, cancelled immediately, and paid off by me several months ago. Everything else was in seperate names - we each have our own cars (making patyments) in our own names.
As far as I know, my wife (guess I still have to call her that for now) will not contest this. She has the advantage of having a lawyer in her family who may help her. I have the diadvantage of not having one.
She works, and has supported herself all this time. We were married, resided, and both still reside in North Carolina.
Can I do this on my own? What will it entail, legally and financially? It seems rather simple - is it? Any websites I can look to for guidance? Anyone familiar with things that may trip me up? Anyone know a good divorce lawyer in NC in case I am tripped up? Preferably one who’ll work for CDs?
Heck, do I need a reason even if we both are for the idea?
In a word… HELP!!
Yer pal,
Satan
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it really depends on whether your state allows no-fault divorce, in which case it is little more than filling in some papers & paying a filing fee. if you both agree, usually only the one who makes the filing is required to show up in court. (if you have no no-fault provision in n.c., you do have to get an atty. see below.)
generally speaking, if you both agree on distribution of assets the court will not even address that, even in a state that requires equal division of assets. the only thing they will require is that the girl is actually being taken care of, & you have a prior custody/support decree to cover that.
you usually can get the forms to fill in from the local state court offices, often even at a stationery office. if you are uncertain & want someone to look over everything, many areas have paralegal services just to write out the paperwork. also, many courts have advocates who are court employees who will guide you thru the process. you still have to appear on your own behalf.
if things get sticky (or you don’t have no-fault divorce), you can always go to the local bar association (there may be one for the county & another for the state, which will overlap) & ask for pro bono or legal aid attys who will work free or for a very small fee, depending on your financial means. if you can prove being really destitute, some states will even lower or waive the filing fee.
it’s kind of a scary process if you have never spent much time in the legal milieu, but the no-fault stuff is meant to make it as painless as possible.
The purpose of life is to matter, to count, to have it make a difference you lived at all.
I did my own divorce. It was very easy, as it was amicable. We just went to the county courthouse, got the papers, and filled 'em out. We had agreed on the division of assets, and we pretty much trusted each other, so it wa sa no brainer.
I did my own divorce. trust me-if you work hard at it and fill in all the forms correctly, you will come out ahead, and save a ton of money.
always remember, the attourney is NOT YOUR FRIEND. he is there to complicate things, and run up the bill!
A lawyer I know was in NC and had a similar situation. His first year of law school, he got himself a divorce. He was able to get the paperwork from the courthouse, fill it out, and pay $50 for the filing fee. His wife didn’t contest, and it only took a few hours to fill out the forms properly.
Best of luck!
Hmmmm I’m from North Carolina also Satan. Been through 2 divorces here. First…there is a 30 day waiting period after your year is up. So if you did actually separate in February…then it will be March before you can file for divorce. If you are anxious to have the divorce done in February…then you can have your “wife” do a written statement that she does not contest the divorce…it must be notarized and filed with the clerk of court. You can do the divorce yourself…just fill out the papers…go before the judge…you will be called to take the witness stand…and you will be asked a few questions by the judge. Then the divorce is over. Course I had a lawyer…both times…you can ask the clerk of court what you need…and she will advise you for free. Good luck…it’s fairly painless procedure…
“Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda
You wanna know something about me…ask me…not my friends…
egkelly obviously has had a bad experience. As an attorney, I can tell you that what egkelly says is not necessarily true. Indeed, many fine attorneys exist in the family law arena who do a wonderful job of assisting a client in obtaining a good result without complicating the issues.
Having said that, I recommend the following:
List any and all assets you and your wife have. Make sure to include any substantial personal property, as well as retirement funds, etc. Look to see if there is enough property listed to make it worth someone’s while to hire an attorney to protect your interest in it. If not, and no kids are involved, ask your wife about completing the divorce without attorneys and propose how you would divide the property. See what she says.
Is NC a community property state? California is, and here that means that all of your assets are jointly owned, so saying “it came out of my salary” means zip legally. If she wants to get uppity about it, you may be required to pay her half your contributions & earnings during the period of your marriage.
She is not required to seek these things - if she is fair minded then you are probably OK. If she is out to screw you, you’re scrod.
you didn’t say that you listed the 401(k) on the legal separation papers. if not, it’s still in limbo. has she agreed that she will do no-fault? have you discussed this w/ her at all?
i don’t recall that child support is ever listed as an asset. it isn’t even included on a recipient’s income tax returns & only if you request it be considered for a charge card. salary is never considered an asset, so whatever point you were trying to make there is moot.
however, if you both agree, the court will not generally try to re-apportion assets even in a community property state–unless there is an obvious disproportion. they will look at that as possible coersion. if she hasn’t actually agreed, & will do so in writing, your 401(k) is up for grabs & she can claim half under community property. except that in some states you can have claimed in a pre-nuptial agreement that each of you came into the marriage in possession of certain assets & will retain those assets in the event of divorce. (that applies even in some of those states that have community property.)
& if you don’t list the asset, she can come back later & ask that the matter be reopened. in some jurisdictions you run the risk of being open to both criminal & civil charges for trying to hide assets & attempt to defraud.
IIRC North Carolina is NOT a community property state.
Nevertheless, any asset acquired during the marriage is potentially subject to division and distribution. The 401(k) falls squarely into that, and it doesn’t matter whether she was earning anything, or receiving child support, or any of the above. Of course, if she had any type of retirement plan at her work, it also would be subject to division.
What’s more likely to have an effect is the fact that this was a short marriage – a year and a half, if I understand correctly. Also, given the short duration, I wouldn’t think that there would be a huge amount of money sitting in that 401(k) that was accumulated during the marriage – the maximum would be around $13-$14K, I think, and I’m willing to bet that that’s not how much Brian put away during that period of time.
Make sure it’s disclosed, though. You don’t ever want her to be able to come back and reopen things by claiming that you concealed assets from her. Things could get really nasty then.
Satan, I trusted my ex-wife to do the right thing. I will be lucky if I am able to retire at 110 years of age. GET A LAWYER!!!
Don’t depend on anyone’s good will. At the very least, pay an attorney to review the paper work. Believe me, if your wife has a lawyer, he WILL protect her interest and he will NOT care a damn for yours.
I had a 401K plan…and so did my ex…we both agreed that we would just each take our own and let it be. It never came up in court at all…the judge never questioned it…if it states in the separation papers that all properties of the marriage have been discussed and divided to the satisfaction of both parties…then that’s it and that’s how we had our separation drawn up…everything was decided…no actual 401k deal was discussed…it was included in the division of property. The company that I work for did make my ex sign a paper that he relinquished all rights to my 401k plan…but that was more to protect me and my child should something happen to me later…and it had noting to do the the court part of the divorce…I didn’t have to do that for his 401k.
“Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda
You wanna know something about me…ask me…not my friends…
True Special…but Satan stated that the separation had already been decided, papers signed that property had been settled…and that was the basis I was using…
“Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda
You wanna know something about me…ask me…not my friends…
