The long and winding divorce.....

So anyway, tonight it’s official. My wife wants to leave and take the kids: 13 and 15 years old.

We both knew this was looming. We’re both trying to be “adult” about it.

We need to do things around the house to make it marketable (new roof, landscaping) and stuff.

Tonight we were very civil and pragmatic. I hope this continues. I’m not good at conflicts.

This is going to take months and months to resolve and we’re going to be sharing the same household in the meantime.

Stay tuned for updates. And thanks for listening.

Well. It’s sounded like you’ve been pretty miserable together for a while now, but it’s always sad to see a marriage fail. I do hope you can resolve it amicably, and both get on with your lives. Best wishes for both of you.

Sorry man. I’m in a similar situation.
There’s a lot of that goin’ around lately.

Good Luck

My marriage ended four years ago, and the divorce was final two years ago.

We tried to keep it civil…but it the end, it didn’t work out that way. Lucky for me she didn’t want the house, so I got to keep that.

Shit man, she can have the house, the cars, and the cat if we can do it quickly. 2 Years?! Damn.

Had no idea this was happening. Sorry to hear the news, Leaffan. I’ve been there and done that, and got the t-shirt too, so if you want to drop me a PM, feel free.

Lawyer up. Divorces begin with intentions to remain civil. They rarely stay that way.

I am sorry. A marriage breaking up is always sad.

Seconded. Best of luck to you and the kids, but if you don’t lawyer up and start protecting yourself now, you’ll suddenly discover she’s been filing all kind of stuff behind your back, because that’s what her messageboards are telling her to do.

Cat Whisperer, AKA Feather Lou, is this you? Did you change your name yet again? I can barely keep up.

I can tell you from experience that the lawyers will nickel-and-dime you both to death.

My (and hers, I assume) lawyer was charging me for every single letter that was sent to the other lawyer. He charged for as little time spent as 0.1 hour. 6 minutes. And many of these communications were as frivolous as “I confirm receipt of your letter.” It was ridiculous, and I didn’t even know until receiving the invoices how wonderful pen-pals the two lawyers had been. They just start rifling letters back and forth seemingly without needing to inform their clients when or why they are doing it.

Children are not chattels, they are little human beings who are going to vividly remember this entire saga and carry it with them into their own relationships. Joint custody is good enough, it really is, for the father. If your ex isn’t endangering them in the absolute worst possible way, there is basically no chance in hell you’d get primary care custody, so don’t make them a fighting point.

Swallow your pride, check your ego, (and most difficult) don’t take anything your soon-to-be ex says or does personally.

Good advice. Thanks.

I’m sorry to hear it. May your new life be much better!

Thanks. And it does feel like a new life is pending. I’m scared and anxious, yet somehow looking forward to throwing off the shackles of the last few years and getting on with some enjoyment for a change. But it’s not about me. I’m really worried about the kids, which is why this has dragged on for so long.

Sorry to hear it.

And as long as you don’t drag your kids into conflicts with your ex, they’ll be fine.

Thanks Twicks.

Just be attentive to your kids. At that age range, it can be hard to express one’s feelings and emotions accurately, so you may find that they either retreat into themselves or start acting out. The latter is in some ways easier to deal with, because you notice it when it happens, whereas the quiet unhappiness can be overlooked.

Be open to the possibility of getting your kids some therapy, if only to let them have someone to talk to and vent their feelings.

Temporary Halloween hijinks.

Can’t you both agree to use the same lawyer, (a mediator) both sign a contract that you won’t seek legal council outside that lawyer, and ask an all-in price so he doesn’t have anything to gain by dragging it out ?

Books on amazon.
You could save thousands of dollars, as long as you both have the mindset that lawyer costs weigh on both of your assets.
Once you both feel that the money you spend on your lawyer is a pittance because of all money he will keep out of the greedy hands of the bitches lawyer, and vice versa, you’re lost and the lawyers have the last laugh.

I don’t know. I’m kinda new at this. I suppose it’s possible.

Typically, no; parties in a divorce cannot use the same lawyer. It creates an ethical conflict of interest for the lawyer.

That being said, a collaborative divorce may be something that Leaffan (and his ex) may want to look into. These can be used when the parties just want to be rid of each other as quickly and as easily as possible, and both are in agreement on most issues. Such a process still requires each party to have their own lawyer, but even so, the process makes costs lower than a contested divorce.

My brother in law did this with his first wife and it didn’t turn out so well for him. I understand why he did it – it was a resigned “let’s get this over with as easily and quickly as possible” kind of deal. Now he has joint custody and is paying their mom to take care of 3 kids, but they’re always over at his house. He isn’t too motivated to get his custody situation corrected either.

In theory, I can understand using one lawyer as a go-between and mediator. If only reality were that easy.