I am getting Divorced

After 10 yrs of marraige and 2 yrs of co habitation, My wife and I have decided to end the marraige.

We are still friends. we sleep in the same bed, (no sex); but quite frankly, if we met each other 'today", there would be none of the attraction that first fired our union.

It is going to be an amicable separation.

Our objective is to be friends when it is over.

any suggestions?
I will be moving out in early august, when a comutation of work bonus, land sale and other considerations make this financially possible.

You could consider going the collaborative lawyer approach. The goal of collaborative family law is to resolve the dispute through negotiation and mediation, without going to court. If you and your spouse are committed to staying friends afterwards, this approach may work for you.

Engage CYA protocol.


northern, there is NO dispute… we are gonna divide the property 70/30 and walk away… If there was any dispute it would come from me
which it won’t.
as to the CYA comment (next post) she has more ass to cover in this than I do… it is in her best interest to work for a 70/30 split


I am sorry to hear your news. Sending supporting thoughts your way.

Wait, so you were married but living apart for 8 years? Or am I missing something?

My WAG was that “cohabitation” referred to living together prior to the marriage.

FML, I hope all ends as best as possible for you and your now-wife.

Very well put. Agreed. Seriously.

I don’t know how it works in Canada, but here in the US, it’s usually a 50/50 split (unless, of course, another split is agreed upon privately).

Don’t be surprised if things deteriorate. They usually do, even by parties with the best of intentions.

Good luck to both of you.

My ex and I split three years ago after thirteen years of marriage and and additional two of cohabitation. We’re still great friends. In fact we went on a hike yesterday with some mutual friends.

We got a mediator who is a family law attorney to write up our paperwork which worked out very well for us. We agreed on a 50/50 split and the mediator made sure that the paperwork was all correct. No need for CYA on either of our parts.

Most problems occur when at least one of the parties is vindictive or selfish by nature or doesn’t really want the split. You know your spouse better than anyone and will know if this is the case with her.

Start off being reasonable (as you are doing) you can always switch to adversarial later if the need arises.

Sorry to hear that. I’m guessing you’ve already tried to light the fire and decided it wasn’t working. Do you have kids?

That’s why using family lawyers who practice collaborative law is a good idea – they will understand that the two of you want to make a fair deal, rather than duke it out. Here’s a link – http://www.collaborativelaw.ca/member_list.php?region=Edm (although I do not endorse any particular lawyer or warrant their performance).

Good luck to you.

I think the word “dispute,” used in the Collaborative Law approach (as Northern Piper used it), doesn’t necessarily refer to an animosity-creating, hate-the-other-person disagreement. It’s merely a handy, if not entirely suitable, word to use. At any rate, if you and you wife do agree that you will be splitting and you also agree on the division of assets/property, you may want to look into the Collaborative Law approach a little more.

Northern Piper’s link explains the basics, but the important thing to note is that both parties agree to do their best to find an amicable and agreeable solution, where all the legal Ts are crossed and all the legal Is are dotted, without resorting to litigation. Going in with this understanding helps avoid the deterioration that Pundit Lisa refers to; and if by chance that does occur, litigation is still an option. Anyway, you may want to look into it a little more, though of course you know your situation better than me and so what you eventually do is entirely up to you.

Regardless of what you do, good luck–hope it all works out for you.

I think the collaboration/mediation idea is a good way to start. There is no need to assume before the fact that things will deteriorate. He knows his wife better than anyone. Good luck,Full Metal Locus. We’ve got your back.

Sell all your possessions and split the cash 70-30.

My ex and I were holding hands as we walked into the store to get the divorce papers. It was all friendly and amicable as could be. A short time later we both had lawyers. Be careful.

I got divorced a few years back. It was amicable. Basically, we were both decent people and didn’t want to fuck each other over but I gotta say, the main reason it was amicable was because she was just getting ready to retire from the military and was paranoid I’d go after her retirement somehow, so she went out of her way to make the divorce as quick and AMICABLE as possible. Cost $200.

My experience? How amicable it is depends on how much the other party feels they could lose.

Sorry to hear that Full Metal Lotus, but I’m glad it is amicable.

Just to give you hope, I’m sitting with my ex right now, drinking wine, in our house, and I’m staying over in the spare room tonight (we’re not divorced yet - we need to sell the house before we sign the papers, but have been separated for six months and I have an apartment elsewhere).

We cohabited for ten years and were married for five. After the pain of separation we have remained best buddies still, and share a very deep level of friendship. We’ve spent this entire weekend hanging out at a festival and giving each other new-relationship advice. We’re also planning a divorce party when it all gets signed off. Neither of us would even dream of fucking the other one over. “CYA” is sensible, but it doesn’t always have to be nasty.

Best of luck and hope it remains amicable - I’m proof that it can.

2nd this.