No offense taken at all, in case it came across any differently. I just wanted to make it very clear that these were not beliefs that I personally hold, particularly given that they are destructive, demeaning beliefs I have seen tear close friends apart. They are inherently unfair and dehumanizing, both to the belief-holder and to those that become the objects of said beliefs.
So… if I do those things, she’ll fuck me, right?
scribbles notes
Thanks!
I think if someone really wants to understand the psychology of domestic abuse, that’s a thing worth studying, not because it will get you dates, but because understanding other people is simply worth doing.
If your goal is to have a relationship, you want it to be a healthy relationship. Looking at people in unhealthy relationships and envying them doesn’t make sense. It’s like looking at meth heads and thinking “Gosh, they really know how to lose weight.”
I laughed. Like inappropriately…
Well, she will definitely feel like she owes you, and you should definitely take advantage of her weakness, cause you are a nice guy, so yeah…
Wait. Is there some meta-thing going on here, or did you miss the obvious joke and take that at face value?
'Cause if that’s the case, to quote Deadpool, that does it. That’s the third time. I’m punching this thread in the cock and leaving.
BTW, see, Robot Arm? Three strikes. Pattern recognition. See how this works?
I got the impression on this last one that you were both kidding.
Re-reads last few posts
:smack:
Damn it. You’re right. It’s me doing it now. That’s… ironic. I blame something in the air in this thread.
Apologies to Dangerosa.
OK, still on two strikes. And, I’m taking a strike off for my own counter-strike. So, one strike.
Been mostly just reading the thread, no intention to really give my two cents but this kinda stood out to me. Ftr, I’m a single woman. When I read that he approached her on V-Day, with flowers, seemingly out of the blue and asked her on the date my first thought was that it was an incredibly awkward spot to put her in. Again, I’m basing this on a lot of assumptions so I might be wrong.
The two biggest assumptions I had from reading the post was that Robot Arm wasn’t on the friendliest of terms with this woman. More like a casual co-worker relationship. And that he only saw her at work because of only having that casual work relationship. So if I were her, and some coworker I barely knew approached me at work out of the blue with flowers and asking to go on a date on Valentine’s day, well I’d probably panic. Why? Because as was already mentioned here, a lot of women try really hard not to hurt other people’s feelings. If she rejected him right then and there (again, assuming it was at work), not only would he be left standing there awkwardly with unwanted flowers, but more than likely other coworkers would hear about it. In the same position I probably would have done the same honestly. Then once a home, realizing what I’d gotten myself into, tried to figure out the best way to bow out of it gracefully or with the least amount of hurt feelings for my coworker.
I’ll be the first to admit it’s not an easy balance to figure out but a good rule of thumb in cases like this is don’t buy a woman a gift before she’s even accepted a date from you. And if she does go on a date, keep it simple like flowers. Too much too fast does tend to put us on the defensive because sadly, we’ve all had some experience with the overly obsessed suitor/boyfriend 
The blind leading the blind; but I’m not sure which of us is which.
No need, there was some meta thing going on. I knew you were kidding…and contrary to popular belief, feminists do have a sense of humor - apparently not a very good one since you couldn’t tell I was.
Here’s my nice guy resume:
Fully employed elementary school teacher: spend 5-10k a year on my school kids. Middle class income.
Blood Donor
Church Goer
Donate to charities
Fit: Can run 10km, do yoga, weights etc
Visit my family every week.
Donate time to my hobbies and interests with volunteering.
Single.
I’ve pretty much given up. The more I invest myself in trying to find a partner, the shittier I feel about myself. Also every time I end up in some sort of messed up relationship, I gain weight, lose hair, my confidence, and lose my happiness. The women I’ve seen want me to give them affection, which I give…and then it’s questioned as being false or a part of some sexual agenda. I’m really bitter in this regard. There’s so much women’s empowerment media out there now (which I can understand because of historical treatment of women), and I wonder how much of it creates a sense of entitlement in the class of women I’m looking for (A working professional). So yeah. I’m pretty much done with large time investments, and money investments in what I see as a lack of maturity and vision as to how to set a partnership. Seriously, it’s too damn complicated. I’ve read books, had countless conversations about this, and many talks with a therapist. However If I just don’t care anymore I don’t need to feel bad about myself anymore. I think a cat is a lot easier. And sex isn’t needed. In fact I feel it’s overrated. It feels good but the price to pay is far to stressful and expensive. I’d rather read a book.
I’m not sure I understand you. Money investments? A good relationship does not need money investments. Are these women demanding it, or are you suggesting expensive dates?
Affection? Are you being told you are too affectionate or not affectionate enough? And I think a sexual agenda is part of dating on both sides. What matters is if you agree about it. And are honest about it. Incompatibility is a good reason to break up, with no one to blame.
Are you staying in relationships too long out of hope for a good partner?
And hey, I love books too, got 6,000 of them, but sex is even better.
Relationships can be a real pain until you find the right one. Then you are good.
I think if I were a guy who is trying to make peace with not having a relationship and trying to find the positives in it, it would seriously annoy me if someone reminded me that there are “right” relationships out there and that I’ll be “good” when I find one. I mean, who in the world doesn’t know that relationships work out for some people?
I didn’t get from Quasimodal’s post that he doesn’t believe that relationships can be awesome. Just that he hasn’t been having success in finding one and he’s very tired of banging his head against the wall.
I don’t know what this kind of frustration feels like. But I know that hearing about everyone else’s success wouldn’t help me feel better.
And I can totally believe that a relationship is both an emotional and financial investment. The costs of dating, gifts, spontaneous trips to the mountains, and living together do rack up. Especially when you’re a guy dating women who are fully capable of supporting themselves. If a woman is already doing okay financially, you have to step up your game to impress her. And that usually costs money.
Quasimodal, I don’t have any advice for you. Even if I did, I’d be loathe to give it to you because I’m sure you have already heard it all before. But I will say this: You seem like a good guy to me. As you know, the dating/romance game is severe right now. Personally, I blame Netflix. All the women who might wanna holler at you are probably doing what I’m doing right now: binge-watching “The Americans.” It’s not about you at all. We’ve just got too many distractions.
Now, that’s poetry.
We should go have a drink. If we can fumble our way to the bar.
At some point in this thread I started coming across as a jackass. It’s pretty clear where it was. Beating myself up for my own “nice guy” tendencies I can do. Screaming at AHunter3 I can do. But giving advice to actually likeable, sympathetic, lonely people? That’s beyond my pay grade, and a different thread. One that I should just shut up and listen in. I don’t know more about how to pick up girls than you do.
Actually, scratch “picking up girls” and replace “finding love”.
I don’t know how to find love. I do know something about falling head first into love without trying. But I’m not sure how you replicate that in any kind of consistent way.
It’s odd, I was just having a conversation about something artistic, but it seems to apply here as well. The gist of it was that some people may have figured out how to make great things happen, but to realize when something wonderful happens by accident also requires it’s own sort of brilliance, and sometimes that’s enough.
Perhaps you are falling into infatuation. I’ve been there. Falling into love takes actually knowing the person through dating and one-on-one interactions (not necessarily in bed for the dirty-minded out there.)
The stories from the nice guys make me think that at least part of the problem is entering a relationship too committed, so that if she does not immediately returns the infatuation he is disappointed and bitter.
I’m pretty proud of myself because this is pretty much precisely what I imagined a woman might feel like in this situation. I think it’s a really good description of what a woman might be going through for any nice guys out there who contemplate making grand gestures to catch a woman’s interest.
In an earlier post you suggested I’d waited too long and she’d already decided she wasn’t romantically interested. Now it sounds like you think I came on too fast and too strong. It’s tough to win with this crowd.
And still no one seems to actually believe my take on the situation. She didn’t know I was asking for a date.